Anaphora Reaps

 

 

 

 

How can I touch thee?

 won't you tell me once again?

You happened by chance

 or shall I say, "I conjured your

 every being"

Being everything that I thought,

 wanted, needed

You were my point of escalation

Never another itching

 to release my physical perspiration

more of a reason to believe

 that once again my thoughts

 could be expressed

Confessed

Stressed

How can I touch thee?

 won't you tell me once again?

You happened by chance

 or shall I say, "I conjured your

every being"

Being every thing

Meaning everything

 Because of a grey haze

 that seemed to really enjoy my

company

More

Or so I thought

Until I

anticipated

Your calls

 and then asked for my privacy back

How can I touch thee,

 again?

without the grey haze

 the oblivion

 pictures

 the inside I cherished

where there was only silence

 and the pleasure frowns that

  I could never see

Just imagine

Hoping not to be wrong

 Only to hold you

and not say, "I'm sorry"

"I'm so very sorry"

Forgive me, Father

 for I have sinned

It's been October 13, 1996

 since my last confession

and I don't think you heard

  me

I'm writing a letter to someone

 lost over a grey haze I used

to try and get close

 to Him

Now I know that my own

energy

Should have been used

Here    There

than rather Your heaven

"I hope you find

 what you're looking for,"

is what you said to me

knowing I would be crushed

 once I came down

I'm still there

  Here

Waiting

 for you to tell me once again

How I can touch thee

while not -

  never taking you for granted

Again

Reviews

[Christina May Shanaberg]

I enjoyed the write, but it was not as easy on the eyes as many of your other poems. I have to agree with Annette J. Sweeny that your free verse was very free, here. However, I really, really, liked the story within the poem and the longing for restitution from God and the girl. We, so often, don't know what we've got, until its gone, and it is our fault, often. I don't know that I would rush to change the poem; let the poem talk to you about what it needs (I try to edit as though I am reading someone else's work.) I can't tell you what this poem needs, but it will tell you. If you do a rewrite, let me know.

[Idealist]

This is perfection. The pain of lessons learned is well stated. We have all been there. Change nothing.

[TTBoy28]

Good thoughts, everyone! Thank you.

[TTBoy28]

Thanks, Annette! It would be more of a Sylvia Plath reading. And, it's all one long thought.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

This is an interesting piece. I like the repetition of certain lines. It starts a new section every time. I would suggest breaking these into stanzas at this point. I don't think there is anything wrong with a one stanza poem, but it can be intimidating to the reader's eye. Some people may turn away because they don't want to finish something that long. Sometimes breaking them into stanzas when they are so long makes them a smoother read.

I usually really like how you break your lines, but this may be a little too broken. When some people read line breaks they make an actual pause in speech. The effect this has when lines are so broken as the ones in this poem is the person who reads this way gets a William Shatner reading. I suggest pulling more information into singular lines, and using the line breaks to emphasize certain words or phrases.

I do commend you for pushing the limits! These critiques are simply constructive, to make it better. I especially like lines 9-15. This is a great way to express you wanting to be with someone. I also really like the lines about sinning. This is something many of us have heard, so it adds a familiar quality to the poem.