Kamikaze Romance

 

It’s a kamikaze romance

With our hearts strapped in the seats

And we wage a war called Love

And we’ll not concede defeat

Even if it means flying

In the face of certain doom

We both know the end is coming,

And the end is coming soon…

 

It’s a kamikaze romance

How sweet the flight, though, while it lasts

Hurtling through the air

Watching heart-shaped clouds zooming past…

Let’s try, love, not to think

Of how this must come to an end

We know it will not last forever

But at least we can pretend…

 

It’s a kamikaze romance

And when our course starts turning downwards

All the memories of what we had

Will forever be ours

When comes the end; with tears,

With a scream, and with a screech,

Perhaps they’ll find pieces of our broken hearts

 Strewn across some glassy beach…

 

Author's Note

what d'you think of the structure and rhyme?the theme?

Reviews

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Congrats for winning the depressing poems contest. It's a interesting poem. Worded cleverly and interestingly but it is a bit disjointed. That aside I like the emotions, thought and imagery within it.

[SINDE]

Alvin you never disappoint.I like the imagery and description that elucidate the title.HARSH.

[M.Babu]

This is absolutely one of my favourite poems! The sentiment is just too gripping, the concept is unique...perfection! This is the poem that inspired me to write poetry...thanks man!

[Katie]

I think the rhyming scheme you used was interesting, but where rhyms should have been there wasn't always a good rhyme and the ones you did use were fairly obvious, and un creative. I did like the theme a lot. I do, however, agree with Disesh. The poem does't flow as well as it can. "How sweet the flight, though, while it lasts" this line in particular broke up the flow for me. The word though is unneeded, and having it there does no favours. Same with "Let’s try, love, not to think". I think using words that require you to break up your sentences with commas doesn't work. It inturupts the flow, because you naturally pause for the commas.

I think the first stanza is without a doubt the best one, because it flows the best. I think if you had kept that form for the other two, it would be an excelent poem.

I'm no expert in poetry, but I think you need to make the amount of syllables in each sentence closer to the same number, or follow a pattern with the number of syllables. It generally give a poem more structure and it is likely to flow much better.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Good. Good. The theme and the refrain were the best parts. But frankly speaking, the rhythm is broken. Well, it could be broken in some places, which is negligible. But in this, I can even see (save feel) that meter is not even. Still, the concept is good, and I can half-heatedly give it up for the word usage too.

Keep writing.