Skin

My skin

On your skin

My heart

Against yours -

Thump! Thump! Thump!

And faster,

And faster…

My lips

On your lips

My red-hot fingers

Leave a trail of desire

Like lines of fire

All over

Your skin.

 

My lips,

My teeth,

My fingers;

Conspire

To tantalise, to electrify

To terrorise

Your skin

Leaving it red, and raw

And aching for more…

 

Sweat drips

From your skin

And my skin.

Tight embrace;

So tight, in fact,

That you can hardly tell

Where the boundary lies

Between your skin

And my skin…

 

One skin.

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Something about this really reminds me of the poetry of Hafiz. I think you might want to take a look at some of his work and see if there's anything there you could incorporate. As it stands, this is a good use of description, and it's definitely well-written, but I don't think that just focusing on the physical really cuts it - there ought to be more, something to connect the reader to the speaker other than just lust.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

I admittedly had never heard of Hafiz until now...thank you, I'll definitely look him up.
This is definitely a sensual poem, but I don't think 'lust' is a word I'd use to describe it...the allusion to 'one skin' might perhaps dispel that notion?

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

I struggle with this piece; on various levels. Although it is well-written and well-framed as a poem, I lament the one-sided assumptions it contains. The "voice" implores us to believe that the target of this desire is "aching for more..." when, indeed, this is merely suggestive. For me, it is difficult to know or fully understand the uniform nature or the truth of "one skin" because of this. Further, there is a presupposed fellowship of sensual eroticism that attempts to acquire license for the use of a more forceful passion in place of true sensuality. I can detect no such license.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

Thanks for taking the time read, and review, and give me your honest opinion.
You're right, the reciprocation of the 'target of this desire' is only implied - I was going for economy in this piece, so I guess some inferences must be left up to the reader...though I must admit, on reflection, that you have a point.

{Further, there is a presupposed fellowship of sensual eroticism that attempts to acquire license for the use of a more forceful passion in place of true sensuality. I can detect no such license.}
This is exactly that - a sensual poem. This piece is about...sensations. Anything deeper, or the lack thereof, is entirely up to your perception of the piece.
Thanks again for a constructive review!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

True love really does relate to the divinity we share with most humans, well done, good read.

[Emily B]

masterfully done, you use tension well to escalate the passion

[TLK]

True love burrows like a tick.
You draw tension from tantalise->electrify->terrorise, an escalation of feeling and threat which makes me reconsider the erotic connotations of 'electrify'.

In the last stanza, the repetition of 'skin' comes to -- if you would allow me to be so bold -- a complete fruition. There is a rhythm to your use of this central concept that neatly mirrors the rhythms elsewhere.

Probably the best poem on this topic I've ever read on this site... and maybe anywhere.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

Thank you...!