Filled to spilling with nothing

I shall love you in all the small moments; I shall live in those scant seconds when you forget. I will be the bursting seam of a lie in your mouth; I will nestle amongst the many frayed edges of your hungry anemone heart. Feed on our memories and sense the truth that true love stains you, through and through you are deep and black with this iodine. It soaks in and reveals the fractures, it lies behinds the smiles you manufacture. So now we cup our empty hands and wait for nothing. And it is in the small moments that this phantom's hands will touch yours, and your cup will fill to spilling with half-dreamed maybes.

Reviews

[Saint No-One]

This left my body deeply bothered. It send shivers down my spine and made my skin prickle. There is a pervading sense of dread, like the approaching shadow of regret, the fear of revenge, un-understandable pain with no decipherable explanation. I love the metaphor of iodine, revealing faults, like the mind does at the end of a relationship, which we idealized, hiding the blemishes for the sake of momentary happiness. Bravo.

[TLK]

Thank you for being bothered -- it means a lot when a reader engages with the writing like that. I'm also pleased that you found the iodine a good metaphor, I felt particularly inspired when I came up with that link.

[Saint No-One]

Good writing deserves good reviewing. It's the only way that the process of creation serves a purpose. Writing is meant to be adored, analyzed, picked apart, tenderly. So thank you for bothering to write.

[TLK]

I'm putting you on my hall of fame (see the bottom of my profile) because you ARE GETTING IT RIGHT.

[TL Boehm]

eeyow! I just stopped and let my mind roll around in the image of a "hungry anemone heart" - hearts are so overused and over metaphorized - much like sparkly vampires and yet - bang - never read a metaphor like this - and my mind just goes off in a bajillion different directions. Love the little rhymes - pain, chain, stains all subtle - the rest of the poem is a spill a chant a rant - unfettered - chaotic. Also the line "So now we cup our empty hands and wait for nothing." Yes. This is a great write.

[TLK]

Thank you for appreciating the unusual nature of this poem. You picked out a line that I also think is key.

[tcd123]

I love this poem a lot! I thought the imagery was intriguing and it definitely kept me hooked...I actually felt like I could feel that shiver in my spine when I read it. I also think it's really relatable for everyone that has gone through this, or fears love too much to risk giving it a try. Amazing how somehow the smallest moments of that phantom's love can keep us holding on!

[Jay]

I got lost in the flow ~ dreamily so. I don't want to shake my head clear and read it again: cerebrally. I like the maya more so.
Maybe I will come back to this, but for now: this feels nice.
Thanks for sharing.

[RyanXIII]

The first paragraph is a bit of a mouth full with all the I, you, your, it, itself... it took me a couple of times to read it correctly in my head but i loved it when i did..

Really nice piece of writing i love it when someone can really get in to the depths of how you feel after a heart ache. the bitter resentment but at the same time the longing for the other to still think about them. im sure everyone has felt this way before and i bet they wished they could articulate their feelings like this.

(at least this is what i got from it, maybe i missed the mark)

beautifully done.

[TLK]

Thank you for your comments. I've rewritten that first paragraph already and now might have to tackle it again -- I can't quite cut it down to size.

[RyanXIII]

maybe try to say it less like a properly structured sentnce and more like a reel of emotions...
read moremaybe try to say it less like a properly structured sentnce and more like a reel of emotions...
e.g
I shall love you in all the small moments. In those scant seconds when I am a lingering taste in your mouth just as bold as any other lie; remembrance with your next inhalation, one of the many frayed edges of your heart as it realises it cannot knit itself back together.

iv just changed it a little bit but you could rework it properly that way... just a suggestion :)