but not being it

you know that I love you he lied through his redsauna face as the tv shouted the importance of cereals fortified with vitamins and minerals. Billy sat and watched his untied sneakers make snakes on the floor as the voices shook his feet.

no, really, the liar said turning towards him if you were gone i wouldnt know what to do.

Billy kicked a little and the snakes coiled and sprung.

youre all i have left. youre everything to me. i know that sometimes i ask too much of you, you look after yourself and you look after me too. you nurse me through the badtimes and its all because of the beer. you dont cry when i hit you even though you must be afraid.

Billy knew the shape of the beer stink mouth, screwed up with a memory of dead feelings, even tho he wasnt looking.

you put me to bed and clean up my mess and you look after yourself and you dont tell anyone. it's not fair for me to ask but you do it.

and he went on.

Billy thought of this so that he didnt have to look at his father, lying through his redsauna face, saying sorry for what he did, but not being it.

Reviews

[Pete Langley]

This is bleak, TLK - and all too common, I fear. How can kids grow mentally healthily in this scenario? Yes, we all have our own neuroses based on our own traumas - and develop defence mechanisms to cope with them, but all too often, for some.....
Your writing is perceptive and not forced. I shall read more. P.

[TLK]

I think I'd take a single "perceptive and not forced" over a million less carefully-chosen compliments. Thank you, Pete.

[Pete Langley]

My pleasure. P

[Chris]

2nd para. Period between him and if?

Real and surreal... Well drawn - good flow.

[TLK]

I wrote this 'as a child', so punctuation is lacking throughout. This is what gives it the flow... I think(?).

Really, what I get from it is 'redsauna face' and 'untied sneakers make snakes'. But I couldn't just post those six words!

[Chris]

You could have...but the crypticness would likely have lost your readers' understanding.

[Robert James Parfett]

Certainly creates an unpleasant image, but very vivid.

[_mal]

Perceptive and not forced definitely. You captured that sober selfish sorry bit of addiction really well, and how it toughens and damages the people that have to deal with it.
Very well written

[TLK]

Thank you. "Toughens and damages" is a perceptive juxtaposition.