Girls too, Women

Girls too, Women

"He was a young man,
taken before his time."
The TV said.

The old man grumbled that
every boy is taken before their time, whatever their age.
 

He meant himself.
He was sorry for himself.

I was not sorry for him so
"Girls too, women," I offered, and at his hurt glance
bristled
because he did not understand why
I would need to mention that.

He simply said it again,
every boy is taken--
and I could not convince him.
Nothing remained but this:
I nodded in agreement.
What else could I do?
There are some thing you cannot say
for fear of being offensive.

But now, in private, I can tell him,
Where he will not hear me,
that
he should not have been so hasty.
That
no matter what your age,
it might still be exactly your time
or
even
after your time.

"You are not owed a life,"
I should have said,
nodding sagely.
At his reddening face
His thickening growl

I would have said it again.
"You are not owed a life."

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

How true - we are not owed a life, and tomorrow is not guaranteed. We walk through life with that attitude of entitlement and invincibility, as though it's how it should be. We are not the ones to decide that - Life is - and every day we get is a gift. If we want it to mean more, we have to make it that way ourselves, and then go to our graves satisfied, whatever age that may be. Poignant and thoughtful write!

[TLK]

I agree. I would go a little further: every day SHOULD be made into a gift, and we all indebted to each other in order to make this true.

[Rita L. Sev]

Yep. :)

[A.E. Surdam]

Interesting. Your words are haunting at most. Once we are born we automatically begin to die. Time is a killer; it ages us.

[TLK]

I would hate to live in an endless world. Imagine how poorly the past would judge us.

[Austin Cabrera]

I really enjoyed reading your poem, showing two sides to the story. I could actually vision what you have written.

[Jay]

it hardly gets anymore poignant than this.
"You are not owed a life"
I think, for the serious reader, that line (if not the entire piece) should inspire some contemplation on the profundity of what it may mean to exist, at all... Maybe it means nothing. Though hopefully someone will not arrive at this conclusion until they have explored deeply.
Your poem gives us a window into two minds who have pondered: the old man and the narrator. In doing so, you also crack ajar another window for the reader. An invite to their own ruminations on the matter. (That is, if they think about what you have written, and not just swallowed it down in a mad rush of speed reading).
Simultaneously, you broach the subject from varying perspectives concerning both gender and humanism period...
Having opened all these windows, this is nothing short of a thoughtful and crafty write. A large bite of consideration awaits the reader, should they choose to look earnestly inside.
Great job.

[TLK]

I'm glad that I repeated that line, it is definitely the most important of the piece. Thank you for the level of analysis you've gone to here: it has elevated the writing in my own eyes.

[Lizzy B]

What really made this poem special for me was the fact that it evoked a sense of melancholy in me just by the vibes of the poem alone. The words simply added to it. Nice job!

[TLK]

Vibes are important.

[SamCorzine]

I like this piece, I have noticed a lack of free verse on this site and this was a breath of fresh air. I like how the sentences were spread out over several lines and it gave the appearance of several statements instead of just one. "You are not owed a life." Truer words are rarely spoken.

[TLK]

I'm surprised that free verse is so hard to find -- but then again because there is no structure perhaps it is difficult to evaluate whether you are doing it 'right'.

I am happy that you saw a truth behind my writing.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

Indeed, we are not owed a life...Life is a gift, no matter your viewpoint, whether you think we are the product of intelligent design, or merely the dregs of the primordial soup (that sounds nice, I might put it in something :))
We're just shadows, flowers that only blossom for a season, like Kipling's daffodils. We never know when Fate might decide to pluck us.
Thought-provoking write, I liked it!

[TLK]

Thank you for taking the time to record your thoughts.

[Emily B]

brilliant, just brilliant

[TLK]

I'm pleased that you say that. I think this was the first thing I wrote when I decided to start writing again, which was a little earlier than August 6. It was a long hiatus. This gets to the importance of the mundane, which is something I fear I am obsessed with.

[Emily B]

sometimes you find your way back to the best poems

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a great write. Everyone dies, but you never know when....it happens for everyone. Death is hard, but it's going to happen to everyone someday. I liked the story in this poem. It also showed the message. Thank you for sharing.

[TLK]

Thank you on reading this well enough to find the story. It is always a pleasure when a reader takes time to enjoy a work.

[Angie Diane♥♥]

You're welcome :3