Nightmare

Poem version of the story

Everything is silent, besides The pitter patter of the rain.

I can't feel the pain.

The water keeps rising, I keep on walking,

I can't hear their talking.

I become dazed and fall to my knees,

"Whats happening? Who the hell am I?"

Someone please, hear my pleas. 

I start to cry. Tears burning my eyes. 

Nothing above me but rain and grey skies. 

Try to stop the screaming, 

My life has no meaning. 

Try to stop the bleeding,

Try to end the needing.

This nightmare just wont seize. 

Still on my knees. 

"Oh God help me. Please forgive me"

Someone just hear my plea. 

Waking up is the headrest part, 

Praying when you go back to sleep it wont restart. 

Reviews

[Phillitup]

I noticed three things when I was reading this piece.
1) When you mention how the nightmares just won't stop, you used the word seize. I believe you mean cease as in to stop.
2) When talking about waking up, you used to word headrest. I believe that you mean hardest.
3) When talking about how the nightmares won't stop, you said wont. I think you neglected or didn't notice the apostrophe. It's won't.
Thank you for listening to this grammatical and spelling review. On to things more philosophical. When you asked about who you were, I don't think the wording you used applies correctly. Accordingly, it would be a place. That's just a personal view, however a few people will agree. This poem is kind of abrupt. Your walking and then your on the ground, dying more like. It's very interesting. Although the abruptness definitely seems to add an air of mystery to this work. Nicely penned, thanks for listening.
Best regards,
Dell

[Hamza]

being in that phase is actually being in a transition..
like i can say evolving .. i have gone through and i know how much it takes to get back ..
but i tell you, the best works in life are produced in these transitional phases ..
very nice work .. and very touching ..

[Amandaaa Caroline (:]

I agree completely with Dell, I noticed those three errors as well. This is still a very beautiful and expressive piece, and I believe that you did a great job.

[Writer *78*]

The overall sense of the word nightmare is conveyed well in this piece Ive had very few dreams that turn into a nightmare. Impressive work.