Coming to Terms

Every night I ask myself the same questions,
Questions that only you have the answer to.
And the times I ask you, nothing is clear cut.
Beat around the bush like my heart continues to beat
For you, and only you.
Everyday it beats faster and faster
As the worry proves stronger,
And the fear grows longer.
I am thinking of the answers on my own.
I find that I am coming to terms with myself...
Well what the f**k did I do in the first place?
Loving you unconditionally?
Maybe you don't want to be loved to such an extent.
Sacrificing my life for you?
Well, it's nothing without you.
Did I not satisfy you?
Probably, considering who you talk to you now.
I am not of color, nor of that status,
But what the f**k are you thinking?
Sure, some things were rough,
But it was not anything abnormal.
I cannot think of any times we legitimately
Fought.
Now, I am fighting the biggest fray I have faced.
Everyday I fight for you.
And in the corner of your dark heart
An infinitesimal love for me still lingers.
But I have come to terms with myself...
I am ugly.