You, Myself, A Tree

Sneaking around in the woods is great fun...

You, Myself,  A Tree

 

Can you hear the fish

clapping in the brook,

at our theater

on the shore:

you, myself, a tree,

all scripted

so perfectly.

 

The low branches

do a dance

when we are still,

and I fear the fish

clapping is now

laughing,

because we too

laugh out loud.

 

 

Credits:

Initially published in Small Towns Are Not So Small (a.k.a. The City/Country Poet's Guide to Perry, NY) (2008). www.lulu.com/tfrice

Reviews

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the Garden-Tryst contest!

[Gandré]

This was sweet!

[Travis Lawrence]

Such a care free essence surrounds this piece. Love the metaphor, too.

Thanks a lot for the feedback. You obviously know the ins and outs of good fiction. I changed some things from what I already had, and may change more, but I'll wait until the story is over to do an ultimate edit. If you could find the time, I'd appreciate it if you took a look at the next two parts I added. I'm just beginning to get serious about short stories, so the more comprehensive the crititque, the better.

By the way, I know how it is to be very busy. So take your time. No rush.

-Travis

[Nely Amorim]

Great Poem, not your usual Valentine guff, looks great and thank you for entering my first contest :D good luck

[Erika]

its very whimsical and good. it is really easy to imagine it . i love it can you review my poems please.

[Juliet]

So lovely and sprite-like...whimsical. So many adjectives I could use right now. You have painted such a lovely picture here, I can see it as a painting, really, in my mind.

I would not change one word.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

"at our theater
on the shore:
you, myself, a tree,
all scripted
so PERFECTLY. "

this is fantastic. i love its simplicity. i was enraptured. :)

[Julie Murphy, Julie Des..]

Wow.. this certainly speaks volumes and then some. Evocative of childhood memories for me, at least. This really made me smile.

[Bedlam The Gypsy]

This brings about thoughts of carefree childhoods. I smile more every time I read through it.

[~ Tex]

Interesting... enjoyable... one should never have to explain one's writing... nor should one. Writing is about making people see, feel, and dream... thus, one piece is so much more to so many. To ever explain anything is to take away the mystery and crush the image and dream it brings about from one individual to another. Kudos to you and I look forward to seeing more of your work.