Final Missive to My Friend

Example of Iambic Tetrameter

Final Missive to My Friend

 

Alas, old friend! My faith did fail,

my tears did fall, my foes assail.

And lo, the end for grief escapes,

alone in death 'twill be my fate.

The love of days ne’er held my heart,

and how the darkness doth impart,

the rising tides of love that’s lost.

I’ll drown this night in wearied thought.

My quest for wealth hath left me void.

God willed that I might be destroyed.

His favor shines on other men,

who placed him first instead of sin.

My quill records these final words

that thou may find me by my sword.

And this I ask, my faithful friend,

a single kindness in the end.

To live contented till thou dies,

to aid thy fellow man in strife,

and be no man of selfish pride -  

a fool for pleasure won’t abide.

Where men will kill for golden crowns,

and where they perish for renown,

Oh, tell them how I died for same,

-remember me in all my shame.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Todd,

This is a spectacular piece of writing, with a profound message and deep sadness. I salute you--very nicely done.

Now have always respected David Paget's remarks when I have read them in reviews, and indeed here as well, they are all quite true. However, I think this is mostly a matter of taste and opinion. The mixing of thy/thou with chap doesn't disturb me at all. To me, these are all words well understood by almost everyone, i.e., these are all but elements of language, not incorrect, simply different. Yes, one is archaic and one more modern. David's point is well taken, but again, I think it a matter of taste. The "weak" lost//thought rhyme is also not a problems for me.

Now to the message of the poem, which seems so heartfelt. Very well expressed. The emotion fountains from the words. A very powerful message with perfect form makes for a tremendous poem. Very top marks. A rare 98% from me. I've never rated a poem higher.

Very best regards,

Rick

[David Lewis Paget]

You've pretty well come to grips with this form, Todd. Quite impresssive! There are only a couple of places I would take you to task here, for inappropriate rhyming words - 'lost/thought' for example. I would also question the use of 'thy/thou' which are archaic, as used in the same verse as 'chap', which is horribly modern. Otherwise, great stuff!

[Valentine]

Whew, a strong message to all who are far from our Savior...sor many it will be too late to receive this message of yours..I pray many read this..lol and God bless..Kathie