Raja's Requiem

The End... as told by someone already there.

 

No use beating around the bush.  Yeah, I’m dead.  How long have I been dead? Well, even though I’m still dwelling on Earth, time is measured differently for me.  Sometimes, when I sleep, I’ll think only a day has gone by, only to find out months have.  So, I usually check in on my family as a way to: 1) make sure they’re still okay, and 2) keep track of time.  Based on the last time I saw my mom, I’m pretty sure three years had passed since I died. 

 

I know the questions some have at this point.  How did you die? Why are you “earth bound”? Have you been barred from heaven? What’s it like being a ghost? 

 

Well, I’ll be the first to tell you that each experience varies on the individual, and what their level of metaphysical knowledge is when they die.  As for me, I consider myself lucky.  Even though I was technically baptized as a “Christian”, at age twelve I stopped going to church, deciding there was too much hypocrisy both in the church and in that book they put so much stock in. 

 

So I tried other religions, only to find them equally as unfulfilling.  Meditating helped, though.  And that was probably the one thing that helped me keep hold of who I truly was… that “sense of self” everyone already has, but feels being chipped away constantly by society’s influence.

 

Yeah, knowing who you are and being confident in that s**t definitely helps.  Even for me.  On the day I died, I remember it playing an active role in the choices I made that day, and from then on for the rest of my existence. 

 

When I was brought into the hospital after passing out unexpectedly, it was discovered that I had a brain hemorrhage, and probably wouldn’t last more than two months.  Imagine my surprise when I heard the sound of me flat-lining six days later.  I laugh about it now, but at that moment, I knew my end had come… at least, my physical end had arrived, and it was serious. 

 

I’d always believed my soul would go on, my spirit would live, and I’d finally be free.  Still, I was afraid.  Afraid of the unknown.  I’d come into the world alone, only to be surrounded by people who loved and cared about me for twenty-six years.  Now, I was leaving alone, only to be surrounded with… what?

 

The most common thing people with near-death experiences talk about is “seeing a white light”, and being surrounded with a sense of “peace and calm”.  You know, the whole, “walking down a white tunnel” and s**t like that.  I think people on Earth have heard this so much, it’s become a part of our belief systems.  And here’s the paradox: even if you disagree with what these people report, it’s still part of your belief system, just because you’ve acknowledged it and have now developed an opinion, or belief about it.  Whether you believe it’s real or not, that leaves the opportunity for the window of offering to be opened for you.

 

Thank the heavens for my strong sense of self.  You see, I’m naturally suspicious by nature.  Suspicious of everything.  Ha! I question any and everything, with no guilt about it.  As a result, I’ve learned to trust my gut instinct and how to read it properly.  It takes practice I’ll admit.  Sometimes I would read my instincts wrong, and wind up going against what my gut was telling me.  As time went by, though, I learned how to know when the signals were right.  By the time I was twenty-three, I was pretty much a pro.  Me and my instincts were one and the same, honed to a ‘T’. 

 

Which brings us back to the moment I died.  The white light came, then I felt myself expanding, being separated from my body.  I’m trying the best I can to describe what I was feeling, but I’m finding more and more that our Earth vocabulary just doesn’t cut it.  When I say expanding, I mean could feel everything in the room. I felt everyone’s emotions. My mother and father were crying, saddened that their “sunshine, their bright light” was gone.  I could feel everyone’s emotions of “missing me”.  A void of sorts.  There was confusion as well… the younglings didn’t understand what was going on, just saw the big people crying, so they began to cry.  The doctors and nurses rushed in… I felt their stress… and their slight indifference, mixed with “obligated compassion”. 

 

I looked away from the scene, and in front of me was a sphere of bright light.  I could hear it vibrating, and oddly, I understood that the vibration was communicating with me.  Even weirder, I understood what it was saying. 

 

“Come,” it said.  “Come to the light.”

 

I didn’t move, just kept looking at it.  The longer I stared at it, the bigger it got.  Finally, I was immersed in it, with the vibrations inside and outside of my head. 

 

“Come to the light…. Come.”

 

I still refused to move.  I wasn’t afraid, you see.  It was just that my suspicious nature automatically kicked in again, even in death.  I laugh about it at this point, because I wonder how I looked from “their” point of view.  I probably annoyed the hell out of them.  A few moments later a tall, beautiful woman appeared, with golden hair down to her waist, and eyes the brightest blue I’d ever seen. 

 

“I will assist you in crossing over,” she said, extending her right hand to me.  “We will go into the light together.”

 

I refused to make a move.  My gut was screaming, “Crossroads! Crossroads! Tread carefully! The next choice you make will determine everything!”

 

Instead of moving, I merely pretended like I was meditating.  I pictured myself back in my room, in the lotus position, breathing calmly, and being aware of The One and The All.  I began to feel a different emotion emanating from the woman standing before me.  It was… as if she viewed the two of us in a stand-off, and she wanted to win. 

 

Suddenly, two more women appeared before her.  One with long brown hair interwoven with ivy.  The other was a dark-skinned woman with long braids, and a headband of gold.  All three carried themselves with the regality of queens.  The darker woman extended her left hand to me.  “Come with me into the light, my child.  There is no need to fear.”

 

My gut immediately said, “Oh no they did not throw a sistah into the mix!  They thought that would trick us?!”

 

“Trick?” I began to wonder.  “Is this some form of manipulation?  How do I know they are ‘the good guys’?” 

 

I stood in the same spot, and could feel my spiritual body crossing its arms in defiance.  The vibrating sound inside my head began to dim, though I could still hear it humming outside of me.  I looked at the three women and smirked, liking the feeling that was flowing through me.  It was like… I was gaining valuable knowledge, all by not making a single move. 

 

“What’s behind you?” I asked.  “What’s in the light?”

 

“You will know when you cross over,” the first woman, the blonde, answered with a serene smile.

 

“Hurry,” the darker one finally spoke.  “You must not be afraid.”

 

I started to get annoyed.  That was the third or fourth time those chicks called me a chicken.  What the hell made them think I was scared?  Were they trying to get my goat or something? 

 

“I’m not afraid,” I responded, trying to peer over their shoulders and see exactly where they came from. 

 

In the meantime, part of my consciousness was still imagining me in my room meditating calmly, surrounded by truly good entities who were protecting me.  I was being protected in this moment… I felt it.  That was why I didn’t move forward.  I refused to move out of my “safe zone”, and knew those women could not get me there.

 

I began to feel like something wasn’t right.  Perhaps I was the only soul who’d ever offered so much resistance to going into the “light”.  You’ll know later why I talked about their “light” with such sarcasm. 

 

“Just tell me what is beyond you,” I challenged.  “I don’t understand why I can’t make a decision based on you telling me what I’d encounter beyond that.  Why do I have to go blindly?”

 

“You must trust us,” the brown-haired woman said.  I sensed she was struggling to remain “calm” and “serene”.  “Faith is your true guide.  But you must hurry.”

 

“Why?  What’s the rush?  I’m already dead, I should have all of eternity to make a decision, right?”

 

I remained stubborn.  I felt strong, and their will wasn’t going to overpower mine.  I could feel angels behind me, and knew what had to be done.  I glanced to my left and right, and noticed I was no longer completely engulfed by the white light.  I was partially back in the hospital.  My family was in the waiting room.  They were praying for my soul, talking about how I was at peace, and some were reminiscing about me.  I liked the vibration surrounding them.  It felt good.  Better than when that white light was completely surrounding me, and the commanding vibration wouldn’t go away.

 

“So….” I smirked again, confident in what I was about to do.  “If I don’t go into the white light, what happens?  I’ll never get an opportunity to go into that white light again?”

 

“Yes,” the dark-skinned one said again, extending her arm to me.  “You must come with us.  Where you will one day be safe and at peace.”

 

“Then tell me what gives me the peace and safety?  And at what cost?” I sneered at her.  “How many have you tricked into going into your light?  Probably many souls.  Why don’t you just show me what lies beyond?  You know what?  Never mind, you don’t need to.  I can already see what world you come from.”

 

What was the rush?  Why did I need to hurry?  You will find the answer to that later.  If I told you now, you would never understand.  Just know this: in life I was a rebel on Earth, and from that point on, I continued to be a rebel on Earth, only in a spiritual form.  Not a rebel that caused havoc, per se.  But from “their” point of view, I am a rebel that needs to be stopped.  Destroyed.  Immediately.  They got their proof of that when I died.

 

You see, as I stared defiantly at those women, I understood what I had to do.  My decision was already made. 

 

“With all due respect ladies,” I smiled politely.  “Whatever you’re offering, I don’t want.  Bless you for trying to offer me your light, but…” I turned my back on them and walked towards my crying family. 

 

Calling over my shoulder, but not looking back, I continued, “… I think I’ll pass.”

 

With those words, the light completely disappeared, and I was back in the waiting room looking at my family.  I wasn’t stupid enough to believe I was alive again.  Hell, I knew my body was already in the morgue.  Besides, it may surprise you, but I wasn’t too amped about going back into that body.  I had some investigating to do now.

 

Those three women made a lot of mistakes with me that day.  They should not have told me the truth, masked in a lie.  I specifically asked about going into “that light” for a reason. When the sistah agreed that I would not be able to go back into that light, I knew it was a lie. 

 

Though I wasn’t a believer in the traditional God taught to us, I was a believer in the Infinite, and all the powers It carried.  I’ve always believed there was some Force up there, wherever “there” was.  I also knew there was no one path back to the Infinite.  There were infinite paths.  I refused to believe that their light was the “only way”.

 

That light…it was nothing more than the portal to their world.  Not heaven, not hell.  Just… their world.  I looked behind them into that light, and I saw the prison that awaited me.  I took the time to analyze, and realized the trick.  I saw they were only presenting me with a beautifully wrapped present.  I’m talkin’ 40K gold wrapping, sterling silver bows and ribbons.  They were saying, “Here, take it. It’s great.  Based on how beautiful the wrapping is, what’s inside has to be wonderful.”

 

And rather than blindly open the gift, I asked what was inside.  When they refused to tell me, I guess you could say I “shook the box… put my ear to it, tried to guess what was inside”.  And I heard the ticking… like a f*****g time bomb.  And to this day, even though I can’t describe the bomb or how it was made, I still know that box was something I didn’t wanna open.  I made a choice, and now know it was the right one. 

 

I still had many pressing questions, nonetheless.  Why would they do that?  What was their purpose?  How long had they been tricking souls into going into their world?  How many souls do they have now?  What happened to the souls? What are they using them for…?

 

My head was buzzing.  I was all alone, but had an advantage I didn’t have when I was alive.  I could see things in this universe that bound humans because of their physical bodies.  Even as I looked around the waiting room, I could see the auras of everyone and sense their emotions.  I got the feeling that if I put in the time and work, I could hone those skills and possibly gain new ones.

 

Before I could do any investigating, I had a lot of work to do.  Before I died, I’d been reading about a lot of… I guess you’d call them “weird topics”.  Definitely subjects that people didn’t expect me of all people to be reading.  Hell, I was versatile… still am, sue me.  I liked anything that touched my soul, from music to art to books.  And I never limited myself.  So, while I was loudly bumping hip-hop or rock and roll in my house, I’d be laying on the couch reading a book about the fourth dimension. 

 

I always wondered about traveling at the speed of light.  Seeing auras.  Folding time and space.  Traveling in a direction we have no knowledge about.  The physical body was my limiter, but not anymore.  Perhaps… I could learn how to do those things.  Maybe I could learn how to harness and evoke a different kind of power.  Maybe I could start to do things that I couldn’t do in my physical body.  Even though my family (and everyone else on this planet) could no longer see me, maybe they could feel me.  Maybe I could still have an effect on things that happened in the physical realm. 

 

I dwelled in my parents’ house.   Spent a lot of time in meditation, sending out positive vibrations throughout the house.  I would visualize myself letting off “yellow and green smoke vibes full of love and laughter” that would waft through their home, like spiritual incense.  The first few days after my funeral, they were still down. 

 

But one day, my mom said to my dad, “Hey J… remember that time I had just finished waxing the dining room floor? And Raja bet you twenty dollars that she could slide all the way across it on one foot?”

 

Dad began to laugh.  “Yeah,” he continued the story, “she ain’t have no socks on.  And she throws on one sock-”

 

“The purple and green polka dot one!” Mom laughed, tears springing to the corners of her eyes.

 

“And she glides all the way across the floor!  But she thought you had waxed the kitchen floor as well!”

 

“But I didn’t!” Mom laughed harder.

 

“And as soon as that sock hit that dry floor…”

 

“She flew through the air! Lawd, that chile was airborn!”

 

“And landed in the big pile of dirty laundry by the door!” My dad finished, he and mom laughing together.

 

Mom half laughed, half sighed and wiped the mirth from her eyes.  “I’ll never forget her reaction either…”

 

Dad nodded in agreement.  “She just got up, smiled, shook her hands over her head like a champion, and said...”

 

He looked at his wife and they said in unison, “’Pay up, old man!’”

 

They both began to laugh again, but soon my mother’s laughs turned into sobs.  She buried her head in dad’s chest and asked, “Do you think she might’ve hit her head on a wall or somethin’ then?  You think that made her brain bleed, J?  You know she was too proud to admit when she hurt herself.”

 

“No Ruby,” he murmured in her ear, tears streaming down his cheeks as well.  “That didn’t do it.”

 

I watched as my mother began to cry, and my father continued trying to console her.  Even though they couldn’t feel me physically, I could feel their emotions.  When they laughed, it was like waves of warm sunshine hit my soul.  When they cried, I felt like my soul had a rainstorm going on.  And the rain was heavy.  Weighed my soul down. 

 

So, if I could feel them in my soul, why couldn’t they feel me in theirs?  I wrapped my arms around them, and tried to think of the “smoke” coming off of me.  It was smoke that said to them, “Don’t worry, don’t feel bad.  I’m here.  And you don’t have to be sad.  I’m right here.  Feel me.”

 

It was amazing.  Seconds later, their tears gradually diminished.  Mom said it first: “It’s like I can feel her.” 

 

“Me too.”

 

They said in unison, “It’s like she’s here.”

 

Pretty wild, huh?  So, I decided to hang around there, seeing if I could figure anything else out.  You see, the only problem was that I couldn’t exactly access a book, or get on the Internet to gain more knowledge about the topics I was interested in.  It’s embarrassing, but I actually “forgot” I was non-physical a few times, and attempted to boot up the computer that was left in my old room.  I’d read a book once where a ghost sat in her brother’s body and used him to boot up a computer and write a story… but that s**t’s too weird for me.  Plus, I don’t wanna be invasive. 

 

I decided to just be patient.  I spent my days in the house meditating and filling the house with my “vibes”, and at night I’d explore.  It started with just going outside, and looking up at the sky.  First of all, not having a physical body is a super plus in astronomy.  The sky wasn’t merely a black void full of white speckles and a big white circle… it was a super novel.  The sky told a story, and quite a vivid one. 

 

When I was alive I used to look up at the night sky with resentment.  I wondered, ‘All these stars in the sky? How many are really there?  How many had already burned out, the remnants of their light only now reaching the planet Earth?  It was all a lie to me.  ‘Those stars probably ain’t even there,’ I’d think to myself with a scowl.  And I’d bury my head in my hands, wishing my mind’s eye would somehow show me the truth.

 

Now that I’m dead, when I look up into the sky, I see that I was right… and wrong all at the same time.  True, most of the stars had burned out in the physical universe, but they lived on.  Their energy, their stories, their essence… it flowed through the universe, proclaiming their existence and informing all who would pay attention. 

 

Nothing was stationary, everything and everyone danced in the sky, like a movie being projected onto the cosmos.  Hell, even the nighttime sky color was different.  The black void of space was no more.  Instead, the sky vibrated with streaks of yellow, blue, red and gold against a green and purple backdrop.  It was so beautiful.  The first time I saw it, I wished I could lift my arms and fly up and into all the colors.  Play with the angels that I knew dwelled there.

 

And the images!  Like a seven headed bull with wings made out of starlight ramming the shield of a warrior armed with a sword.  Actually, he held several swords… in many hands… and feet.  The characters I saw in the sky were not animals and people I was used to seeing.  They looked nothing like what dwelled on Earth, if the multi-headed bull was any indication.  The warrior was crowned with a light blue and gold halo, but it didn’t do a very good job of hiding his horns and eyes made of flames.

 

I would have been alarmed, had it not been for what the warrior was doing.  He was attempting to protect a female that was cowered behind him, only I couldn’t quite tell why… not just yet.   While I could see what was going on up there, I couldn’t hear what they were saying even though it was clear they were talking to one another. 

 

The beauty of it all was that I could stand in one spot and see one mosaic of life, but if I so much as moved a centimeter to the left or right, the entire sky’s scene changed dramatically, as if the Book of Life was turning its pages, allowing me to see what happened next. 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This story is actually a "to be continued" story, mainly because I lost 10 pages of work when I was transferring it from my computer to my thumbdrive. (God bless the technology era.) I will be rebuilding this story and posting part two shortly. I just want to know if I should go novel on this, novella, or keep it as a short story (about 20 pages max).