The Life He Leads

After being attacked by the paparazzi Camille has to decided if a relationship with Alex is worth sacrificing a "normal" lifestyle.

The Life He Leads

“Hey are you okay?” 

Alex inquires. Let’s see, my daughter and I were just attacked via aggressive men yielding cameras. No, I’m the opposite of okay at the moment, I’m confused, irate, and shaken. 

“I just need a minute. Bailey, how are you doing?” 

There’s a small sniffle from the backseat. I need to hold my daughter, more so for my solace than hers.

“Pull over.”

“They might be following.” 

“I don’t care, pull the car over.”

My tone must convey the urgency I feel to hold Bailey because Alex complies. As soon as we’re stopped I get out and find my way to my daughter. Within moments she’s unbuckled and in my arms. I’m kneeling down at her level, needing to see her face clearly. I hold her precious cheeks in my hands and kiss her forehead. 

“It’s ok baby, they just wanted a picture. That’s all.” 

I smile to try and show her I’m ok. Consoling her is calming myself. 

“Why?” she says quietly. 

“Because she’s so beautiful.” 

Alex answers standing at the trunk of the car. He takes both Bailey and I by surprise. 

“I was scared.” Bailey turns back and confides in me. 

“I’m sorry baby.” 

I brush my hand over her hair. 

I hold her and take several deep breaths. I feel Alex’s hand rest on my shoulder, 

“We should get going.”

I nod and get in the backseat with Bailey. Once she’s buckled in I scoot in beside her and hold her hand running my thumb over her skin. I watch as the worry washes away from her face and she slips into sleep. I wish I could lay with her in her bed, in our home, away from all the discussions and decisions I’ll need to face today. I catch Alex checking on us in the rearview mirror every few seconds. 

“I’m going to take you to my house.” 

Alex states, like I have no say in the matter. 

When Alex catches my eyes in the mirror I shrug in defeat. I’d rather be alone with Bailey right now, but I’m too drained to argue. We ride in silence and my mind races all the while. Is this something I want to do? Is this a lifestyle that I want to submit Bailey to? No, absolutely no. I never want her to be frightened like that again. I close my eyes to try and gain some strength and memories of his kiss force me to quickly reopen. That kiss was incredible, and the feeling of cheating on Paul durning that kiss was nowhere to be seen. Maybe my mom and Andrea broke through to my subconscious, maybe I just desire Alex that much. What can I say, he did save me and Bailey today. He does make me laugh, I do believe the feelings he’s expressed are genuine. But I have a kid, can he handle that? Can he be a father? That sounds extreme, but ultimately if he wants me, he has to want to be here for her as well. Can Bailey handle that? I don’t know. She‘s been through enough with losing her dad, and dealing with a broken mom. It feels amazing 

when it’s just Alex and I. It’ll never just be Alex and I though. First and foremost I am a mom. 

“Please don’t make a decision yet. Let’s just get to my house, and then talk things through.” 

There he goes, reading my mind again. 

We drive for what feels like a lifetime, but is just an hour until we reach the Hollywood hills. Everything screams, “look at all the money I have.” It’s beautiful and I hate it a little bit for being so stunning. We drive through a maze of winding streets lined with a plethora of billion dollar homes. Finally we start to slow down. We pull up to a sleek brushed medal gate set upon a seamless concrete fence. Alex opens his door as we near a keypad. He leans out and enters a code like this is just an everyday occurrence. Like he’s pulling out a $20 from the ATM. Well for him this is reality. To me, this is out of this world. The driveway runs along the right side of the house and wraps all the way around the back. The driveway is lined with trees that allow almost no sunlight to peek through. The anticipation is killing me, I must see this house. We make the turn towards the back of the house, and there it is. The house matches the gate, it is very contemporary. Grey concrete exterior, with black trim, but the majority of the houses walls are glass. Everything is immaculate. I think back to when he picked me up from our tiny little beach cottage and how cluttered and disorganized it must have appeared to him. The house is beautiful, but it is definitely not a home. 

“Home sweet home” 

Alex chimes. He gets out and walks over to open my door. I reach over to unbuckle Bailey and my stirring wakes her. 

“Where are we?”

“Alex’s house.”

“I want to go home.” she leans her head against my arm.

“We will soon.” I hope. 

Our door opens and Alex stands waiting for us to exit. Bailey wraps herself around me and I get out carrying my girl. 

Her heads resting on my shoulder and she’s silent.

Alex indicates to the front door with an open hand and guides me forward with his palm on the small of my back. 

“Alright, this way.” 

We enter his home and are taken through a dining room with a huge large white banquet table with matching plush leather chairs. I don’t think he ever considered having a child enter this house. We continue to a hall with several rooms. 

“Do you two want some alone time.” 

Alex asks, and I nod. 

Alex opens the first door on his left and I enter a spare bedroom holding Bailey. I don’t know what to do with myself so I stand silently holding onto my girl. 

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you guys need anything.” 

Again I nod, and he leaves the room and closes the door. I sit Bailey down on the bed and sit next to her. 

“What an afternoon.” I sigh 

“Why are we here?” Bailey asks. 

“All the camera guys are at our house. Alex wanted to make sure they all left before we went home.” 

Bailey thinks for awhile. She must approve of that answer. 

“Do you like Alex?” 

I stare at my inquisitive kid before answering honestly. 

“Yes.” 

“Does he like you?”

“I think so.” 

Bailey thinks a bit more.

“He said you were beautiful.”

“He did.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

It’s my turn to think. 

“I don’t know.”

“How do you know if someone’s your boyfriend?”

“You talk to that person.”

“Maybe you should talk to Alex.”

The world is so much simpler in the eyes of a child. There’s a light knock on the door, 

“Come in” 

Alex enters with water bottles. 

“I thought you girls might be thirsty.” 

“Thanks.” I say while taking both and open a bottle for Bailey. 

Alex stands in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. 

“How you doing Bailey?”

“I’m good. Hungry.”

I snicker, again, what a simple world a child’s is.

“Do you like pizza?”

Bailey nods emphatically. 

“What kind of pizza?” Alex asks as he sits down next to her. 

“Cheese, but Mama’s favorite is margarita.”

Alex smiles at Bailey, 

“How about we order some pizza and play a game? If that’s alright with your mom.”

“That’s fine.” I say observing Bailey and Alex feel each other out. 

“A game? What kind of game?” 

“Your choice.” 

“Whatcha got?”

“If you two can follow me I’ll show you.”

A few doors down from the spare bedroom is a man cave, including gaming systems, surround sound, a pinball machine, and leather. It’s awful. His pride emanates as we enter, “Here's the game room.” He smiles the same kind of smile Bailey has when she brings home finished works from school. I smile back the same way I would smile at her. Baileys eyes light up when we enter the room. Alex bends down to Bailey. “I don’t show this to many people, because it’s pretty awesome, and most people can’t handle it. I think you just might be the right person to appreciate this though.” He opens a large cabinet door, and there is board game after board game stacked to the brim. Bailey’s little face is in awe. “If you’d like to pick one, we could start a friendly game, maybe with a small wager.” Bailey tugs at they hem of my skirt, “Mama, what’s a wager.” 

“It’s a bet, you know when grandpa says, ‘I bet you, $5 you can’t name this song.’ It’s like that.” She’s intrigued. “Well what would we...wager?” She asks Alex. He pulls out a large bag of M&M’s. Bailey points to the game memory. Oh no, she’s going to hustle Alex on their first meeting. He has no idea how good she is at this game. 

We’re led to the living room, and now I see the real appeal of this house. Bailey clutching Memory to her chest. The view of the city is spectacular. The floor to ceiling windows allow you to feel like you’re outside. The living room has more leather and white carpets. Not at all kid friendly. “Bailey, would you like to watch TV while your mom and I order pizza?” Alex asks.

“Can I mama?”

“Go ahead, just keep to yourself.” 

I walk over to the large window and stare at the city, I feel so small. Down there there are millions of people bustling through their lives. Each with their own dilemmas, and triumphs, and most of them trumping mine. Here I am, in the gorgeous home of my beautiful pursuer, and all I want to do is run and hide. How petty, but I can’t deny that I want to jump down into the void and disappear into my routine. Things are simpler when I don’t focus on moving on. I’ve been living like Paul’s almost home. I’ve been keeping busy, so I forget that he’s gone. He is never coming back to me.

While I’m lost in my thoughts Alex and Bailey sit down on the couch and he helps her pick out a movie to watch from his 5000 channels. They settle on Finding Nemo. I feel a familiar shiver up my spine and know that Alex is standing behind me. I take a deep breath, here we go. “Would you like to step into the kitchen with me?” I turn to face him, I can’t quite look him in the eyes just yet. I’m staring at his shoes, beautiful brown leather oxfords. Not a scuff to be seen. Just like his house. I wish I wasn’t wearing my old ballet flats. My eyes work up his jeans, his grey t-shirt to meet his blue eyes. He looks so concerned for me. I must look like hell. I bite my lip and nod. I follow him into the kitchen,  he gestures to a stool at the large marble island. I take a seat and bury my face in my palms. I’m trying to rub some sense into my tired brain. Alex comes and places his elbows on the island. “So, about today.” 

“About today” I respond. 

“How long were they there before I arrived?” 

“I don’t know a few minutes.” 

“Were you scared?” 

“Was I scared? Yes, among other things. It's infuriating to be trapped in my car with a group of men pounding on the hood asking me if I’m in love with you.” 

“Camille it’s..” 

“No, I’m not done. My daughter was in the car. What the hell? How do you people not see that she has nothing to do with any of this?”   

“Camille listen to me. I am not them, so don’t group me into “those people.” I would never put a child in that position. Yes, at times things will get, hectic.” 

“Hectic?” I retort.  

“Ok hectic may be an understatement, but it’s not like this all the time. I know it’s a lot to take on, especially when you have a child.” He sighs, an obvious sign of trying to calm himself down. “If you decide to give me a chance then there is the possibility that something like today could happen again.  We will be prepared next time though. I should have acted sooner, I should have protected you two from the get go. I hate myself for not acting sooner.” He fists his hands and starts to pace around. He looks frantic all of a sudden. He mumbles something under his breath and runs his hands through his hair. His blue eyes meet mine and he halts all movement. His entire body goes rigid and he looks scared. I get a surge of all the familiar goosebumps from the proximity of his being. I love Paul, I will always love Paul. What we had was magic, but I’ve never felt the way I do when Alex is near. My entire body feels like it’s being dusted by feathers and the parameters of my pounding heart are being well and truly tested. And here he is, standing in front of me, shivering my soul with his uneasy blue stare. 

“It isn’t always like this, I need you to understand that. My life is not controlled by a crowd of photographers monitoring my every move. Today was excessive, but on a normal day it isn’t like this. I should have sent my security with you as soon as that article came out. I regret that. I had no idea that they would find you so fast or with such gusto. I never want you to go through that again, and it kills me to know that I caused that moment for you two. I’d like to do every thing in my power to keep you and your daughter safe.”

He’s looking at me and it’s me who’s now reading his mind, “Was that enough?”

“I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been so confused in my life. It’s my job to keep her life,” I pause looking for the right word, “normal.”

 “Camille, please.” his hands grab onto his jeans, I can see how bad he wants to console me, to hold me and melt my worries away. There’s more silence as I find the right words to proceed. 

“I don’t want her normal to be an obsessive mother who never took time for herself though. I can’t expect her to grow into a healthy person, if I’m not a healthy person. ” 

His face switches to bewilderment. He’s staring at me like I just told him I’d like to go to mars. “I’ve been told that I isolate myself and focus on my daughter in order to not move on.” I rise from the stool I’ve been sitting on and walk over to him. It dawns on me that this is the first time since we’ve met that I’ve approached him. He has spent every moment since we met chasing me. I can’t imagine how I would feel chasing someone who kept telling me to hit the road. “It’s been a long time since anyone has made me feel...” I reach him, and his spell is cast over me. I’d like to reach out and touch him, kiss him, but I'm immobilized under his beauty, and today his honesty. Instead of touching, I speak, “I’ve shut myself off to the idea of letting someone new in my life. You’re the first person that’s made me want to open up.”  

His hand slides across my cheek and he smiles. I allow myself to enjoy his boyish grin. I notice that I am smiling myself, and bigger than normal. 

“You have no idea how happy I am right now.” 

He leans in and brushes his lips across my temple before whispering into my ear, “Thank you.” 

He rests his chin on top of my head, and I’m content soaking in the closeness of his body. I didn’t realize how much I missed intimacy. My eyes fall closed and for the first time in awhile I feel at ease. My body is awake but my mind is at rest. Alex steps back and pushes the hair out of my face and behind my ears, “I feel like I can breathe again.” He moves back into me standing close enough for me to smell his aftershave, and I close my eyes to enjoy the sweet aroma. There is no uninvited space between our bodies. He kisses me like I’m an answer to his prayers. His left hand grabs the base of my neck with his thumb resting on my cheek. He’s holding me with one hand and I allow the sensation to carry me away, before remembering who I am. A widow. This is moving too fast. I’m extra aware that my daughter is sitting in the other room. I turn my face away, since that is the only space I have left. “Alex, stop.” There’s that face again, frightened beyond belief. “This is just moving too fast for me.” His hand drops and he looks so ashamed. “Hey,” I peek up under his face, “Bailey is in the other room, and technically we’ve only been on one date.” He smirks and lets out a suppressed laugh, “This doesn’t count? I think I deserve credit for today.” I turn to leave the room and begin to head out to check on Bailey. I look over my shoulder on the way out and say, “Yeah, yeah you do.”

I join Bailey on the immaculate leather sofa and pull out my phone. There are five missed calls from my mom. I call her back. “Cam, are you guys alright?”

“Yeah, we’re at Alex’s.”

“Oh thank God. Tim! They’re fine, they’re with Alex. What happened? I mean I saw the pictures of him getting in your car and then that was it.”

“I don’t know how they knew we were getting ice cream, but they ambushed the car. It was unreal.” I can hear my dad in the background. “I would’ve beat the s**t out of them.”

 So you’re with him now? How long are you staying?” 

“I don’t know, until they leave my house.” 

Alex walks in and raises his hand. “my security is keeping an eye on your house, as soon as the coast is clear he’ll let me know and I’ll take you two home.” 

“Did you hear that ma?”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll let you go. Enjoy yourself, but not too much fun. The paparazzi could be watching”

“Bye Ma.”

Alex catches me rolling my eyes. “What’d she say that elicits and eye roll?”

“You don’t even want to know.” 

The rest of the night is spent playing memory, eating pizza and “wagering” candy. I'm glad that for at least tonight Alex and Bailey seem to be getting along. I see Bailey’s tale tail groggy signs and ask Alex for a blanket. I lay her down on the couch and we put on the Disney channel and begin to clean up. Before we know it Bailey is fast asleep. “She’s a great kid.” Alex says to me. I smile. “Yeah, I like her.” Alex laughs. “She’s funny too.” 

“Get’s it from her dad.” I don’t know why I just said that. We’ve spent all night avoiding the elephant in the room. I opt for changing the topic. “That pizza was great.” 

“Yeah, it was.” Things are awkward now. I follow Alex into the kitchen and start to load up his dishwasher. Alex stops what he’s doing and comes to stand next to me. He shuts off the water I’m rinsing plates under to get my attention. I look at him. “I know this is going to be hard for you at times, but I want you to know that whatever pace you want to take. I’m okay with it. I know I went too fast earlier. I’ll do better to restrain myself in the future. Just don’t hide from me. This won’t work if you do.” 

“Ok.”

“Ok? That’s all you have to say?” 

My heart is at it’s Alex pace. He waits. 

“I get tongue tied around you. My heart starts to take off and I can’t get my brain to catch up. You know the affect you have on me, don’t make me say it out loud.” 

“What if I want to hear it?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“I wager, that if I wanted to hear you say, “Alex” he says in a girly voice. “ ‘you make me week in the knees.’ I could convince you to say it.”

“Oh really?”

“Really”

He steps behind me and I feel his hand touch me. There goes my heart again. He traces an imaginary line down my side then wraps his arm around my waist. “Say it.” He whispers in my ear. I shake my head. He kisses the right side of my neck. “Say it.” He whispers again. Again I shake my head. “You asked for it, just remember there’s a sleeping child in the other room.” He opens his palm against my stomach and starts to tickle me. I try to turn and run, but am grabbed and pulled into his hard body. He’s relentless. “Say it.” 

“Never” I laugh. “I’m not stopping until you say it.” In my head I’m thinking, ok. His hands on me feel amazing. Then his phone rings. All tickling stops and I’m mentally pouting. “Hey Chuck. Ok, I’ll bring them back. I’ll need full coverage.” He turns back to me. “Your lucky, I would’ve got you to say it, but the coast is clear. I’ve setup for security surveillance for the both of you.” 

“Is that necessary?” 

“I don’t want either of you to go through what happened today ever again.” I nod and he walks into the living room. I follow him. “Do you think she’ll let me carry her to the car?” I pickup her hand and drop it back down. She doesn’t flinch. “Yeah, you should be good.” He smirks and picks up my little girl. I feel Paul’s presence while I watch them walk away. 

Alex drives my car back to my house. “This is some car you have here.” 

“It’s not fancy, but it gets the job done.” 

“Barely” 

“Hey now, just because it’s not flashy doesn’t mean it’s not ok.” 

“If you say so, I’d just feel better if I knew you were driving something a little safer.” 

“This car is plenty safe. My dad keeps it running in tip top condition.” 

“That’s not what I meant. What are the collision ratings on it? Where are all the airbags located? Do you know the technology they offer in some of these cars now a days. They almost drive themselves. I just would like to know you two are as protected as you can be.” 

“Well we’ve gone this far fine.” 

“You joke, but if anything happened and I knew that I wcould have just bought you a better car. I’d never forgive myself.” 

“Wait, now you’re buying me cars. I can’t accept a car from you.”

“Why not?” I laugh. “Because that’s insane, people don’t just give away cars. Unless you’re Oprah.” 

Alex laughs at me. I love listening to his laugh. 

“So Bailey was asking me questions earlier.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“Like if I like you and if you’re my boyfriend.”

“What did you say?”

“Yes, and I don’t know.”

“Hm you like me huh?” I roll my eyes and smile, “yeah.”

“Well we should give her a clear answer.”

“I agree.”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

I smile at the question, feeling like a teenager about to circle yes on a ‘do you like me’ love letter. 

“I guess.” 

Alex laughs again and clenches his chest faking an injury from my answer. 

“Ouch”

We pull up the driveway and Alex turns, brushes the hair away from my face and says, 

“I guess that makes me your boyfriend.” Hearing him say the words and feeling him touch me sends me soaring. 

“Wait there.” I wait and Alex walks over to open my door. I’m beaming, and so is he. The newness is nice. He opens Bailey’s door and hoist her out of her seat. I open the front door and lead Alex to Bailey’s room. He lays her down and I take off her kitty shoes and tuck her in. Alex watches this whole routine and I’m worried that it’s going to dawn on him exactly what caring for a child entails. Instead he’s watching me. “You two are so in love.” Alex says as I leave Bailey’s room. “That’s funny, my mom used to say that to me when Bay was first born.” 

“It’s beautiful.” 

“I bet you're tired, it’s been a long day.” 

“It’s been the best day.” He stands in the living room not budging. “Is it weird that I don’t want to leave you alone?” 

I shake my head, his body in full sight before me takes my brain to steamy places. With his hands in his pockets he leans forward and kisses my cheek. He leans back and I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m disappointed thatI’m not getting a real goodnight kiss. 

“What is it?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Ms. Landry, you’r going to have to work on hiding you emotions if you want me not to ask.” I look at my knotted fingers. 

“I was just a little shocked I didn’t get a kiss.” Without missing a beat he says, 

“I don’t trust myself.” I’m flushed and the idea that he doesn’t think he can keep his hands off me has me pleased. I press up against him and pull his hands from his pockets. “What are you doing?” He asks in a deeper voice. “I’m just enjoying the perks of being yours.” His hands find my waist, and I feel a surge of electricity when his grip tightens a little. He leans down and kisses me. I melt into him and wrap by arms around his neck. I pull away and exhale. He rests his head on my forehead and keeps his eyes closed. “I have to go.” He takes a few short breaths. “If I stay I’m going to get myself in trouble.” I smile and peel myself away from him. “Goodnight Ms. Landry.” 

“Goodnight Mr. Roen.” I watch as he walks to the curb and then it dawns on me, he has no car here. I’m about to call out to him when a range rover pulls up to the curb to pick him up. It’s going to take me a while to get used to the life he leads. 

Author's Note

Spacing is a little off and I've rewritten this chapter about a dozen times.