Charlotte's AdviceA Chapter by T. AdamsListen to your freaking mother Camille.Charlotte’s Advice The next morning I'm up earlier than normal to go to my parents house. I'm mentally reprimanding myself for being blinded by a fancy dinner and smooth moves. Where was my will power? Alex said jump, and I said how high. My inner voice chimes in with, “you just let your guard down and did what felt right. There is nothing wrong with that.” Then why do I feel like I’ve cheated on my husband? I'll have to face my mom and I’m dreading the moment. I'm sure she’ll do her best to squeeze every last detail out. She’ll all but water-board me. I walk into my parents house and am filled with the warm fuzzies of being in my childhood home. My dad and Bailey are having pancakes at the table while my mom cleans up the kitchen. “Mama” Bailey jumps up on her chair and jumps into my arms. She's a tall five year old. Her dad's genes shining through once again. “Hi dad.” “Hey kiddo, I want to check our your car today, make sure everything’s running right.” It’s nice to have my mechanic related by blood and concerned for the well being of Bailey and I. “Sooooooo how was your dinner?” My mom chimes in while drying her hands on an old dishrag. “Fine.” I reply “Just fine?” Mom pushes. I sit Bailey back down “Finish the breakfast your grandma made for you.” I look down at Bailey and then to my mom and mouth out “not now.” I do not want to discuss this in front of my kid. “Alright, Alright.” We all sit and discuss our weeks, I omit the majority of mine. Then get busy. Bailey, decides that she’s going to help my dad on the car. When she announces so, my mom looks to me and winks. I start helping mom make dinner for our family game night. “So give me the details. How was it? Where did you go? Did he stay over? Boxers or Briefs? I’ve been dying all night.” “Oh geez mom.” “What? It’s your first date in forever. It’s about damn time. So where did he take you?” “We had dinner at the Sky room in Long Beach, then he took me to see the Queen Mary and then we went dancing.” “It was the fanciest dinner I’ve ever been to. The restaurant was gorgeous, at the top of the building with a panoramic view of the bay.” “Wow, what’d you talk about at dinner.” “Bailey, his movie.” “Did he ask about Bay or did you drone on and on.” “He asked, and hey, I like to talk about my kid, what mom doesn’t?” “Ok, what’s the movie about?” “I think it’s about him.” “He must of had an interesting life then, what did he say about it?” “He said, let me see if I can get this right. ‘It’s a coming of age tale about a twenty something who’s made bad choices.’ That’s not exactly what he said, but that’s the gist.” My mom just makes a face before saying, “Well we’ve all had times where we weren’t at our best. Remember when you got those awful highlights?” “Yeah I don’t think he meant he got a perm in the 90’s mom.” “I’m just saying, don’t worry about a past you know nothing about.” My mom grazes over her advice like it’s just common knowledge. “He took you on that stupid boat?” “No, he took me to see it at a park. It was beautiful, I’ve lived here all my life and never seen that view before.” “Sounds romantic.” My mom bumps my hip with her hip. “It would have been had I not laughed at him.” My mom makes yet another face at me. “He said something so corny, I couldn’t help it. I tried.” “What’d he say?” “I don’t want to tell you.’’ “Why?” “Because you’re already liking this guy, and I don’t know if this will help or hinder my case.” “Just tell me.” my mom gives me a look that I haven't seen since high school. I cave. “We were looking at the Queen Mary, and I said something about the view being beautiful and he said, “I know” and I noticed he was not looking at the ship. Oh I just lost it. I mean I’ve seen that in like a million movies.” “What did he say?” “He was a little upset at first, then said that he was happy to make me smile.” I note that I’m smiling thinking about it right now. “Cam, that doesn’t sound corny at all, that sounds perfect.” my mom’s eyes are watering. “Mom, oh please tell me that it’s these onions making you cry.” “He just sounds smitten with you, and after all you’ve been through...Okay, okay.” She wipes her eyes. “When you went dancing, did he dirty dance with you?” My mom makes a grossed out face.
“No, we talked about it later and he took dance classes when he was a kid. So instead of that awkward grinding he danced properly with me. It was so nice.” “Did you drink?” “I had one, he had water.” “Another point for Alex. Then?” “Then he took me home.” “Goodnight kiss?” “He kissed my forehead.” “So when’s the next date?” “I don’t know if that’s a good idea mom.” “What do you mean? You had a great time with this guy, you’re smiling, telling me he’s funny and a good dancer and you don’t want to see him again? What did you tell this poor guy at the end of the night? It couldn't be ‘I don’t want to see you again’ for him to kiss your forehead.” I stop chopping the tomato in my hands. “What happened Cam?” My eyes are watering. Here comes these dreaded Alex tears, “I think it was the drink. He said, that he had no intent on leaving me alone and that I made him feel things. It was such an obvious line. But I fell for it. He asked if he could see me again and I said Okay.” My mom rubs my back and puts her head on my shoulder. “Oh baby. I don’t know him, but from what you’ve told me, it’s not a line.” She grabs my shoulders and turns me to face her. “There are millions of girls out there that would be willing to do anything for that kind of guy. Girls in similar situations, but he chose you. He asked you out, he sent you flowers, he showed you to a wonderful evening. He showered you with compliments, he took interest in your kid. If he was feeding you a line, why would he ask about Bailey? Why wouldn’t he have ordered champagne with dinner and made sure your inhibitions were gone? He was a gentlemen.” “Mom I feel so guilty. You’re right. He was. It was a perfect evening, and I allowed myself to get wrapped up in it. But this morning, I felt awful. I felt like I had cheated on Paul. It’s been two years and I feel like he’s just around the corner.” “I know baby, but he’s not.” “How am I supposed to move on, when I can’t let go of Paul? I don’t want to let go of Paul.” “You don’t have to let go of him. He will always be in your heart. He’s Bailey’s dad, you have a walking reminder of him 24/7. But you need to live. You need to let the chance of being in love be something attainable.” “I don’t think I can do that with someone new. I’m just going to have to call Alex and explain to him why I can’t handle this.” My mom shakes her head. “I can’t make your mind up for you.” We continue to make dinner in silence. Family game night is a nice distraction from the task I face this evening. I’m not looking forward to the conversation I’m going to have with Alex. It’s not going to be an easy one, but it’s necessary. We’re all saying our goodbyes in the driveway and Bailey is sleeping in the backseat already. My mom is the last one to come and say goodbye to me. “Are you happy?” She asks me. Now doesn't seems like the optimal time to spark up deep intellectual conversation on my happiness. “Yeah, how could I not be. Look at her.” I nod in the direction of my back seat. “Bailey’s amazing, and you’re doing a great job with her.” My mom stalls not wanting to say what she’s thinking. I’m glad that I can read her as easily as everyone else can read me. “But without her, would you be happy. Are you happy just being you?” I c**k my head, “What do you mean?” “If you want to raise Bailey to be a strong independent woman, you have to be a strong independent woman. I’m not say that you’re not. But usually that kind of lady is proud of herself. You told me that Alex was out of your league, and I couldn’t disagree more. I know I’m your mom and that I’m bound to be biased. But you need to see yourself for who you are. You are beautiful, and philanthropic. It kills me to see you still mourning Paul. How long is enough? He would want you to move on, and you’re just shutting the possibility of that down before it’s even begun.” “Mom don’t” I cut her off. I don’t want hear this. “You need to hear me. Your life is built around Bailey. What happens when she grows up? When she has her own life? What’s left for you? Paul would have never wanted you to become a lonely old widow. You know that. I think you need to give Alex a chance.I know that it's scary and that you don’t enjoy me pushing so hard. I don't like doing it, but you know that I wouldn’t vocalize this if I wasn’t certain. I love you, please don’t isolate yourself.” My mom kisses my cheek and I retreat to my car to cry myself home.
I drink a glass of water before getting ready for bed to replace the fluids I’ve lost in tears today. I wash my face and take a good hard look in the mirror. Is she right? Am I isolating myself? When does being a good mother cross over into being an overbearing mother obsessed solely with the life of her child? Isn’t their some sort of caveat for children who have lost a parent? I never allow myself to think of my life in the future, because it’s filled with milestones that Paul wont hold my hand and tackle with me. Do I see myself alone, forever? Lord I hope not. Maybe I should take my moms advice, I did have a good time. I lie down and am swiftly off to sleep. © 2015 T. AdamsReviews
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StatsAuthorT. AdamsCAAboutTemporary hiatus from "Blue Eyes." Please continue to leave comments as I work on editing. All input is appreciated. http://taadams.blogspot.com Had an idea for a short story, 40,000 words late.. more..Writing
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