Fighting It

All she has to do is say the words.

Fighting It

Monday I drop Bailey off at school and escape the sights of the PTA president. She has been hounding me to come in and help in the classroom, ‘when I get the chance.’ To her, my business is a joke. To most people it is. What’s there to running a dance studio right? To hell with her and her expectations of what I should do with my time. I pull up to the studio and am grateful that Alex is not there to greet me today. I don’t need my emotions frazzled before heading into a meeting. I get in and call Andrea. 

“Hey girl, can you pick up some treats for the meeting, I forgot.” 

“Already on it missy.” Andrea replies. “I’ll be there in about 15 to help you setup.” 

“You’re the best.” 

“You know it.” I giggle and hang up. 

The meeting goes well, I instruct the team that this news is not to share with everyone. There will at some point be cameras at our facility. For all our safety, but more so the children's safety, we need to keep this quiet. I have no idea what caliber of actor will be here, but People(parents) get crazy around fame(and people who can make their kids famous) and we’d like to keep our studio away from that form of crazy as much as possible. The meeting wraps up and all the teachers take it upon themselves to work on their dances together. I would love to watch and give my opinions, but alas their is business to be handled. Andrea and I head into my office. 

“Here’s the new schedule to review. I’ll go make copies if everything is right.” I’m checking it with my master calendar and then cross checking with Charlie's email. 

“So, those flowers from Alex weren’t just a friendly business gesture?” 

“Pardon me?” I’m trying to keep my cool. Our Friday night interaction has dominated my brain this entire weekend. 

“I talked to your mom, ran into her at the supermarket. You know how she likes to gab.” I  brush my fingers through my hair. 

“Hey, I’m not telling you what to do, but what an attractive problem to have.” 

“When did you meet Alex?” I ask imagining Alex hitting on her as well. 

“He was leaving when I was coming in. I bumped into his rock hard chest.” Andrea says while dreaming of the moment. I find myself jealous that I didn’t get to touch his chest. I shake off the childish thoughts running through my brain, 

“I’d rather not discuss him.” I go back to reviewing the flyer. My phone rings and Andrea answers it for me. She must be sensing my no nonsense mood at the moment.
“Yeah, she's in here, bring them in...at your own peril.” She says in her best evil villain voice. It brings a smile from my dreary face.  

In comes Henry our extroverted male receptionist, beaming with a bouquet of peonies. Chanting in a singsong voice, 

"Read the card, read the card." 

“Don't need to, this flyer looks fine Andrea.” I attempt to evade the curiosity around me. 

Henry stops. 

“These are beautiful aren't you curious?” 

Andrea raises an eyebrow and says, 

“If you don't read it, we will.” 

“Go ahead I have nothing to hide.” 

Henry yanks the card from the prong and glides the ivory card stock from its tiny envelope. He looks like he's going to announce who won best actress.  

“Please forgive me. This is torture. -A” 

“Who is A? How are you torturing him? Oh Cami got her groove back! Thank the lord, I've missed that girl!" And he's gone. 

“Well...”I shrug to Andrea 

“I guess I got my groove back. You all can stop worrying now.”

I go through my day and can’t bring myself to throw out the peonies from Alex, I should, but they’re so beautiful I can’t bear to see them go. I leave to go pickup Bailey. It’s a rare occasion that I have the chance to get out of the car to get her. Bailey sees me and in her usual fashion runs me down. We hug and I take her backpack and hold her hand on our walk to the car. Bailey is updating me with tales of her day when I notice Ally, the PTA president or “Prezie” as she has so cleverly deemed herself. 

“Cami! Cami! Wait up!” She’s five foot nothing and all b***s. It’s a miracle that she doesn’t tip over. 

“When do you think you could make it down to help in the classroom? We’d love to have you.” 

“Hi Ally, when I get a free day I’ll be down. Things have just been hectic.” She flips her hair over her shoulder, 

“I so admire what you’re doing, you know, raising this beautiful girl all on your own. What a strong mom you have Bailey.” It’s a compliment, but it feels like an insult. It’s just a reminder that she has a husband and I don’t. I’m not in the mood to deal with her. 

“I’ve got to take this one home and get cracking on dinner, so nice to see you Ally.” I don’t wait for her response, we just walk away. 

“Mama, when are you going to come help in my class.” Bailey says as we’re getting in the car. 

“As soon as I can sweet pea. I will, you just have to be patient.” 

“All the other moms have already come in to help.” 

That hurt, I feel like the worst mom ever. I hate letting my little girl down. 

“How about I try to come next Tuesday?” 

“YAY!” 

We pull up to the driveway and there’s a familiar black car parked in front of my house. It takes me a moment, but I notice the car. It’s Alex. Damn Andrea for giving him my address. I wonder if that was his plan all along? Creep. I get out of the car and escort Bailey to the door. I’m trying not to make eye contact with the car, but I think I saw him in the drivers seat. We get to the door and there’s a bouquet of peonies waiting on my doorstep. 

“Ooooo flowers!” 

“I think they’re for you Bailey pick them up.” She grabs them and I open the door and lock it the second we’re inside. 

“There’s a secret message mama.” Bailey holds up the card. 

“Read it to me please.” I open the card and say, 

“To my beautiful Bailey, I’m sorry I haven’t come to your classroom yet. Love Mama.” She gives me a great big hug and skips off to her room. I look down at the card again 

I wait for you, beautiful one. -Alex

Guilt. All I feel is guilty, I feel like Paul is in the other room, and I need to hide this love letter from him. He’s not here, but that doesn't stop me from loving him, and missing him. I peek out the window and the car is still there. I don’t know what he wants from me. I’ve said what I had to say. He knows how I feel. It’s time to give it a rest. I go about my evening the best I can. I try to pretend that there isn’t a man sitting outside my house hoping for me to come talk to him. I make dinner, help Bailey with her homework, bathe her and tuck her in. I check the window and the car is still there. I don’t know what to do, so I call Charlie. A lawyer has got to be able to talk sense into Alex and get him to go home. 

“Evening Camille, to what do I owe the pleasure.” Man this guy is charming. 

“Hi Charlie, I don’t know how to say this without just saying it.” 

“Is it Alex?” 

“Yes.” 

“What’s he done?”

 “Nothing, he’s just been parked in front of my house all day.” 

“Did you ask him to leave?” 

“No, this may come off bad, but I’d like to not speak with him outside of doing business.” 

“I understand. Just let me say something on his behalf first. He is a good guy. I have never seen him act so strangely over a woman, and I’ve known him for quite some time. I just thought you should know that. That being said, I’ll give him a call.” 

“Thank you Charlie.” 

“My pleasure Madame.” 

I watch out the window, I see Alex answer his phone and look right at me. He hangs up and gets out of the car. Oh no, here we go again. Bailey hasn’t been sleeping long and the last thing I need is her waking up to a strange man pounding on the door. I decide to go outside and wait for him. As he sees me waiting in my doorway he stops. My heart is at the Alex pace. He looks tired, and beaten, and even so he’s gorgeous. He takes a deep breath before beginning to walk towards me. 

“I’m sorry, I know I’m crossing boundaries here, but I can’t keep away from you. I’m really struggling to restrain myself. It’s taking every bit of self control I have to not grab you and kiss you right now. I know you don’t want that. I just don’t understand why. I don’t know about your past, but I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m near you. I can see your reaction to me...” he’s a whole new level of arrogant I think to myself, 

“I can see it right now. Your emotions are written all over your face. Your breath picks up, and your eyes...” he trails off. This happens every time. We’re left with no words staring at each other. I know what he’s saying, but it’s not that easy. If I wasn’t mourning my husband, if I wasn’t a mom, then things would be different, but that’s not the case. I’m a widow, there’s a lot of baggage that comes with that. I don’t know if he could ever understand. 

“Tell me that I’m wrong” My thoughts are interrupted by the low throaty grumble of his voice. “Tell me that your heart doesn’t race when we make eye contact. Tell me that you don’t wonder what it would be like to say yes to me.” I shove my quivering hands in my back pockets and look down at the ground. 

“You’re wrong, now leave.” Alex takes two steps closer, 

“Look me in the eyes and say that.” I look up and have every intent to repeat myself, but I can’t. I physically can’t say the words. It’s that easy, say the words, convince him you’re not affected. 

“That’s another thing I like about you, you’re not a liar.” I want so bad to just take that one step out of the door and kiss him, but I know my past is tapping on my shoulder waiting to be remembered. “That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll see you tomorrow at the studio.” He smiles down at me and lingers, testing my willpower. He finally turns and walks away. 

“You look beautiful by the way.” He says without turning around. He does love to get that final word in.  

Reviews

[Jennie Baron]

Add my praise to Nutmeg's!

[Tina]

I really do like this story still.

[SweetNutmeg]

No real critique here, just praise. This is shaping up as a wonderful romance story... his irresistibility, her qualms, the tension. I'm rooting for Camille.