Night in gale

To feel you on my lips again,

your warm adulterous breath,

as you had me tip-toed on your shoes

from long dewed sparkling grass.

And as we stood, so close, so true

perfection in mine eyes,

to see that flash of devilish black

that so consumed your mind. 

you tempted me, cliché romance

but fell I for your lines

and glanced up soon did you glance down

lust since morning time derived.

 

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

I like the little things kinda hinted at. You placed a lot into a little and sometimes things can be looked past, what can be sexy and sweet, could turn out to be a sin. Great write. Great read.

Regards,

Matthew

[Jeff Loquist]

'your warm adulterous breath/as you had me tip-toed on you shoes'
...sends shivers down my spine.

[Nobody.]

I love the reverent tone conveying the irreverent content...it speaks to the dichotomy of humanity. The longing is conveyed superbly, and there is a hint or glint of a darker emotion that I can't quite pinpoint oozing through the words....that makes this even more intriguing.

brilliant writing.

cheers!
RG

[Wondering Mind]

the contrast between the glance up and the glance down wrapped it up nicely for the poem, but sad for the situation.

[Mathias Winters]

I like it, and I think it describes the situation well. The ending tricks me though and I don't see the point or an end to the person's disguise. Unless there is no end to it, in which it could be specified that the lust can not be avoided. Otherwise I love the concept and the way it's done. Great read.