Chapter 1 - Midnight Calling

Keira is haunted by the dream of a mysterious women

As the sun set beneath the crest of the mountains it cast an eerie glow throughout the skies above. Its heavenly rays highlighted the pallid face of a young woman, who stood silently upon the cool grass of the cliff's edge. She had been standing there for some time, overlooking the frightening depths of a crystal clear ocean that gradually grew black as the sun crept beneath the horizon. The sky was a brilliant display of subdued undertones; hazy grays and golden yellow, royal purples and rich lavenders, all of which painted the heavens with their beauty. She watched as the waves moved back and forth, crashing into the jagged rocks below, and gazed upon a group of birds that soared the skies like mischievous children. 

There was a cool breeze that kept her in a sense of ease as it kissed her pale cheeks softly, gently ruffling the ends of her long, white dress. A light mist dampened her hair, as she studied the erratic behavior of the birds that flew above the ocean below. Of all the birds, one stole her attention. Concealed by black feathers, it resembled a raven, gliding gracefully amongst the rest. Its freedom disgusted her, and for a moment she wondered what it would feel like to be free from the reality that consumed her. 

The woman closed her eyes tightly, listening to the crash of the waves as they grew louder. They seemed to whisper her name soft and eerily, but as she opened her eyes, the whispering continued. 

“Free yourself Clara,” the voice whispered, “free yourself.”

 

#  

Gasping violently, Keira rose, waking in the early morning. Her eyes fixated upon the ceiling above her, realizing she was no longer lost within the dream. Slowly, Keira wiped away the beaded droplets of sweat upon her forehead. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly, dropping her limp body upon the soft cushion of her mattress.

It was the same dream that haunted her since childhood. Although now it was becoming more clear to her, more vivid, more real, and more paralyzing. At times, Keira could feel herself become bound to the woman’s emotions, never understanding why, but always wondering.

She had told no one other than her parents of these nightmares. Her siblings had only known due to the nightly disturbance of Mr. and Mrs. Blakely running up and down the narrow stairs of their tiny cottage, to refill water into a ceramic pitch vase.

Her mother, on many occasions, was unsure of what to do. She would simply drip beads of cold water from a dampened cloth over her forehead, and call out her name, until waking her from her slumbers. Other times, there was nothing more she could do than pray, hoping things would get better with time, never knowing if they truly would.

This time, though, was not like the rest. Keira was able to sleep throughout the night and wake in the early morning, and though feeling out of breath, she was at least rested. Her mind only left hindered, by confusion and bewilderment, as she pondered the dream’s meaning once more.

                

         © Copyright 2008 Nataliya Maize. All rights reserved.

 

Reviews

[Silvario]

A great start. Excellent into to Keira's character. Setting the environment and her current issues and a bit of background.
I love the details and descriptive nature of your writing style. Very professional.
No grammer issues or anything I could spot. But then i was sucked into the story so might have missed something had it been there. :)

Well done, on to the next chapter ... :)

[Greg Close]

Grammar seemed very tight in this chapter, and I think the prose seemed a bit better than the Prelude, too. Seemed to flow a little smoother to me. My biggest problem is just that it's short! I was ready for more. :)

[Georgia Gypsy]

I think this is very well written. I am definately going to read more! you have my interest going so i have to know what happens next..
Well done!

[Twilight]

Well, this seems to be even more creatively written, than the prelude!


In England, we spell "gray" as "grey". A bird is a living being, so its should have an apostrophe - thus making it appear as it's. The sentence which starts, "Slowly she wiped", is a bit long? Another sentence which ought to be shortened (or include a comma), is the one which reads, "Its freedom disgusted her as she wondered to herself what it would feel like to be free from the reality that consumed her happiness". Also, add an apostrophe to "its" in this sentence - so that it appears as "it's". In addition, I would prefer the word "devoured", rather than "consumed", in this line. Then, it would sound slightly more menacing, or sinister?

Thanks, for adding this writing to our Group, "Beyond Fantasy", for your fellow members to read, review and share!

[Taylor H]

gazed at a group of birds that soared the skies like mischievous children---loved that


But of all the birds there was one that stole her attention away from the others.---i think there needs to be a comma after birds.


this story is going amazingly. im loving every chapter. You NEED to have this published. I just wish that their were some publishing companies on this site to find amazing writers....but there isnt....*sigh*. great job

[Storyteller of Dimensio..]

Nice! Dreams at the beginning of the story never get old :D
The exploration of the dream is also well done. Also the use of "Free yourself." is good and always sets up for an interesting story of a person freeing itself from what binds them, which is till popular and relevant.

Just a question which time period this is? It seems to me a bit like 19th or 18th century.

[Aekmy]

Very good start. Me loving it. Definitely saving this one.

[Alexander]

The first half, the dream section, was WONDERFUL. It was detailed to the point that I felt as if I was there. It also shows a wide range of vocabulary use, and your distinct voice. The second half was, to be honest, not as great, but I know some things that will help out.
The first sentence needs a semi-colon instead of a comma. 'It was morning now' is a complete thought, as is the sentence that follows. The second sentence is confusing. Myabe if you change ' left feeling' to 'felt', and add 'and was' after the comma. I f you did that you would also be able to take out the comma.
In the third paragraph I would change ' was becoming' to 'became', in the first sentence. Also in that paragraph I would change 'over' to 'onto', in the part about the cloth & the forehead.
In the last paragraph the first sentence is good, but the second one has issues. I did like, though, that you were able to stretch it out without it sounding stretched out. If that makes sense lol.
So first off, you don't need a comma after although, in fact you SHOULDN'T put one there. With a sentence like that the comma comes at the end of the dependent clause (the first phrase), which you DID put in there, so kudos! What's really wrong with your sentence, though, is that it's extremely contradictory. At first you're saying 'although this night was not as bad as others...', which implies that you're are then going to say something negative about the night, and then you continue on with positive thoughts about the night compared to others. What I think you should do is take the 'and although' and just start the sentence with 'This night...', and then put a semi-colon at the end of the clause. After that, switch the semi-colon after 'short period of time' with a period. Also. I think you should take out 'feeling only' (in that last sentence) and add the word ' but' before 'left'.
Of course, part of my suggestions weren't due to grammatical errors, but instead personal opinion, so you certainly don't have to change those parts. Just suggestions =] Sorry if that sounded commanding or anything, I don't want you to take it the wrong way, I'm just a grammar freak.
Keep up the good work! It was a good read =] Thanks
Z

[Kelley]

I didn't see any grammar issues here but I did see a wonderful story
unfolding.Keira sounds like see might turn out to be lead by something from the unknown.
I loved your line......."gazed at a group of birds that soared the skies like mischievous children."
this to me is good use of description.
Great read so far and I'm off to the next chapter.

Kelley