Chapter 1 - Midnight Calling

Keira is haunted by the dream of a mysterious women

As the sun set beneath the crest of the mountains it cast an eerie glow throughout the skies above. Its heavenly rays highlighted the pallid face of a young woman, who stood silently upon the cool grass of the cliff's edge. She had been standing there for some time, overlooking the frightening depths of a crystal clear ocean that gradually grew black as the sun crept beneath the horizon. The sky was a brilliant display of subdued undertones; hazy grays and golden yellow, royal purples and rich lavenders, all of which painted the heavens with their beauty. She watched as the waves moved back and forth, crashing into the jagged rocks below, and gazed upon a group of birds that soared the skies like mischievous children. 

There was a cool breeze that kept her in a sense of ease as it kissed her pale cheeks softly, gently ruffling the ends of her long, white dress. A light mist dampened her hair, as she studied the erratic behavior of the birds that flew above the ocean below. Of all the birds, one stole her attention. Concealed by black feathers, it resembled a raven, gliding gracefully amongst the rest. Its freedom disgusted her, and for a moment she wondered what it would feel like to be free from the reality that consumed her. 

The woman closed her eyes tightly, listening to the crash of the waves as they grew louder. They seemed to whisper her name soft and eerily, but as she opened her eyes, the whispering continued. 

“Free yourself Clara,” the voice whispered, “free yourself.”

 

#  

Gasping violently, Keira rose, waking in the early morning. Her eyes fixated upon the ceiling above her, realizing she was no longer lost within the dream. Slowly, Keira wiped away the beaded droplets of sweat upon her forehead. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly, dropping her limp body upon the soft cushion of her mattress.

It was the same dream that haunted her since childhood. Although now it was becoming more clear to her, more vivid, more real, and more paralyzing. At times, Keira could feel herself become bound to the woman’s emotions, never understanding why, but always wondering.

She had told no one other than her parents of these nightmares. Her siblings had only known due to the nightly disturbance of Mr. and Mrs. Blakely running up and down the narrow stairs of their tiny cottage, to refill water into a ceramic pitch vase.

Her mother, on many occasions, was unsure of what to do. She would simply drip beads of cold water from a dampened cloth over her forehead, and call out her name, until waking her from her slumbers. Other times, there was nothing more she could do than pray, hoping things would get better with time, never knowing if they truly would.

This time, though, was not like the rest. Keira was able to sleep throughout the night and wake in the early morning, and though feeling out of breath, she was at least rested. Her mind only left hindered, by confusion and bewilderment, as she pondered the dream’s meaning once more.

                

         © Copyright 2008 Nataliya Maize. All rights reserved.

 

Reviews

[Silvario]

A great start. Excellent into to Keira's character. Setting the environment and her current issues and a bit of background.
I love the details and descriptive nature of your writing style. Very professional.
No grammer issues or anything I could spot. But then i was sucked into the story so might have missed something had it been there. :)

Well done, on to the next chapter ... :)

[Darken Eyes]

a lovely start Nataliya Maize

[writingcrazy55555]

Excellent story, great descriptions! Well-written and vivid

[Lia]

This is a fantastic start and a great description bringing you into the story. Nice work.

[Aria]

Nice write Nataliya. Sorry I couldn't get to it sooner. I love your imagery and the tone you bring in. The theme is familiar but you were able to turn it into your own.

[Lorraine]

The dream was well-described. I love its vividness and creativity. I can almost imagine the exact scene inside my head. It's really good. This is the kind of story that compels one to keep on reading until the very last chapter. I think it actually has a potential to be a good novel. Good Job.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[spence]

You used the word 'was' instead of 'had' at the beginning of the last sentence. I also feel the sentence is a bit long to hold the meaning- I imagine coming from a dream with misfiring brain cells giving me shorter dialogue and don't feel it was reflected at the last. Also, it took me a while to read through;
' The sky was a brilliant display of subdued undertones; hazy grays, and golden yellow, royal purples, and rich lavenders, all of which painted the heavens with their beauty.'
It reads, to me, as if the sentence ends how it begins, if you know what i mean? I think a simpler 'that painted the heavens' or similar, may work better on the end. Finally- just a slight point, I was momentarily confused as to who Mr and Mrs Blakely were. Do they need to be reffered to so formally do you think? It made me think they were the neighbours or that Kiera was from a really wealthy family that had live in servants for a while and that made me re-assess the story at too early a juncture. I'm not sure that knowing Kiera's surname is all that important at this point- as i suspect that was your intention. That didn't really work for me, but I'm just being fussy now- apart from the formal titles given to Kiera's parents I think the background info was fluidly conveyed and it blended well into the body of the story.
Other than that I enjoyed reading this. The dream sequence was well detailed and it made me want to guess that Clara is Keira in a previous life. Tell me if you want me to focus more on positives by the way- I usually do, but I'm following your author's notes to the letter.
Oh yeah- speaking of which- i wish you hadn't told the reader about the origin of the journal entries on the last page! I like a surprise! The jounal log is a nice touch though, just didn't comment as I wanted to get on with the story! spence

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I love the imagery, the beginning is so detailed. I like the fact the voice speaks out to her,
one cannot tell its origiin yet, but only surmise. I'd say eerie is used often, replace it with other synomyms. =) ----mishel

[Katherine Hall]

A very intriguing opening! I liked the vivid, colorful descriptions of the dream, and the transition from dreaming world to waking world is smooth.
I would be careful of too much wordiness in your dream sequence. For example, the word "silently" is used frequently to describe Clara on the cliff, and the paragraph describing her location, while lovely, is loaded with so many adjectives it sounds a bit cumbersome when read. The only other line I felt was a bit 'much' was about the black bird: "Concealed by black feathers, it resembled that of a raven gliding gracefully amongst the rest"--> Does it have other feathers under the black ones, or is it just a black-feathered bird? The phrase "it resembled that of a raven" doesn't exactly make sense here. If Clara doesn't know what kind of bird it is, but THINKS it looks like a raven, perhaps "the bird, black and graceful, looked like a raven gliding gracefully..." or something similar.
On the whole, it is an excellent start. I look forward to reading more.
~Katherine

[Call Me Cash]

This is overall a good story. Some grammar issues that I have but are purely my opinion. Your sentences run a little long with allot of commas...I make the same mistake often. But apart from that I found nothing horribly grammatically incorrect at all.

This is an interesting concept and I am keen to see where you are going to take this!
Kudos
LC