The Great Gatsby: Truth Revealed "The Great Pokémon GO!"

Nick Carraway and friends explore the dangers of Pokémon GO!

The Great Gatsby: Truth Revealed

“The Great Pokémon GO!” @joederita

A few days ago, Tom Buchanan forced me to download “Pokémon GO!,” some stupid app for kids that for some reason got really popular. Now, him, Gatsby, and I�" I guess we’re Pokémon Hunters�"

“It’s Pokémon Masters,” Tom discloses underneath his breath.

“I-I was saying all of that out loud?”

“You always say your narrations out loud. Why else do you think I call you Nick, the Specter in the Night?”

“You’ve never called me that, Tom.”

“Heh, yeah, not to your face�"” he raises his hand for a high five with Gatsby, “am I right my man?”

Gatsby finishes renaming his Squirtle to “Yung Squirtz,” then raises his disinterested hand for Tom.

“Oooh, Yung Squirtz? Sweet name Jay.”

“It’s all about spelling it Y-U-N-G, not Y-O-U-N-G,” Gatsby nods in return. “Oh, and the ‘Z’ is important,” he quickly adds.

“Hah, yeah, you don’t want him to be Yung Squirts,” he laughs. “What a poser that Squirtle would be.”

Gatsby smiles. “Totally.”

I sigh loud enough for them to hear it and know that I wanted them to hear it. “You two are obsessed with that stupid app.”

Tom shakes his head. “Nick, it sounds like you need another Poké-hunt.”

“No, I don’t need a poké�"”

“Yeah, he totally does,” Gatsby agrees.

Tom stands up energetically. “Then it’s settled, my b*****s. We’ll go a’huntin!”

Gatsby smirks. “Rad. I need to hatch some eggs anyway.”

“No, guys. Can’t you see that Pokémon GO is just a shallow conceit over another game? A game called Just Walking Around?”

“Nick,” Gatsby interjects. “That’s ignorant.”

We stare at each other. He thinks he’s right.

“Fine, fine, whatever. Let’s just go kidnap some Weedles or something�"” I say as I pull my coat off of the couch in my living room. (Oh, we’re in my living room by the way. Forgot to narrate that part).

Gatsby and Tom both laugh. “Oh, oh�" sweet Nick.” Tom stands up and pats me on the shoulder. “We’re not going to capture any regular Pokémon.”

Gatsby joins him over my shoulder. He puts on a southern-accent. “We’ve got some big game we’ve been trackin’ for a while now, ya’ see?” His accent turns into an old-timey newscaster toward the end. “Ya’ in, kid?”

I stare. “What kind of Pokémon are we talking about?”

They grin wickedly. “A wild Gasconleaf.”

Then we were outside.

“I’ve never heard of a Gasconleaf before, guys.”

Tom rolls his eyes. “Did you even have a childhood, Nick?”

“Lol,” Gatsby agrees.

“Yes, I had a childhood. I even played Pokémon when I was younger. Is this some Pokémon from one of those stupid generations?”

“No, no, dude. Gasconleaf is part of the original 150.”

“Yep,” Gatsby agrees, solidifying his role as Tom’s enforcer.

“I really don’t think it is.”

“Don’t you remember the Poké-Rap?” Tom argues.

“Of course I remember the rap. Everyone remembers the rap.”

“So~~, you remember Gasconleaf,” he concludes.

“No, I don’t remember Gasconleaf.”

“Gatsby,” Tom turns to Jay, then hands him a boombox I didn’t realize he was carrying. “Drop me a beat while I teach this mo-fo a lesson.”

Gatsby nods, then slides a disk labeled “POKERAP FUCKAAHH (GRA-TA-TA!!)” into the boombox’s tray.

“Ok Nick! Here we go!”

“Please, don’t�"”

“Oh�" oh! Here it comes, Nickie!”

“Stop shouting�"” I check to see if anyone is watching. Six people stare.

Tom inhales with a stupid smile on his face as the song starts. “I want to be the best, there ever was�" to beat all the rest, yeah that’s my cause!” he spins, “Electrode, Diglett, Nidoran, Mankey, Venusaur, Rattata, Fearow, Pidgey, Seaking, Jolteon, Dragonite, Gastly, Ponyta, Vaporeon, Poliwrath, Butterfree!” He turns to Gatsby and snaps, then they both spin some more and swing their hips. “Catch ‘em, catch ‘em, gotta’ catch ‘em all,” they join hands, “Pokémon!”

Gatsby returns to the background. Tom uses his hand as a visor and swivels his head back and forth. “I’ll search across the land, far and wide,” he pretends to throw a pokeball, “release from my hand, the power that’s inside!” his voice becomes strained as his voice dips lower. “Venomoth, Poliwag, Nidorino, Golduck, Ivysaur, Grimer, Victreebel, Moltres, Nidoking, Farfetch'd, Abra, Jigglypuff, Kingler, Rhyhorn, Clefable, Wigglytuff!” Tom beckons Gatsby to the front, so they can both sing the chorus. “Catch ‘em, catch ‘em, gotta’ catch ‘em all�" gotta’ catch ‘em all, Pokémon!” Tom air-kisses Gatsby as he gains center stage again. “Zubat, Primeape,” he whispers “Meowth,” then continues, “Onix, Geodude, Rapidash, Magneton, Snorlax! Gengar, Tangela, Goldeen, Spearow, Weezing, Seel, Gyarados, Slowbro!” The townspeople that had gathered around the (honestly pretty sweet) display started chanting. “Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah!” Tom falls to his knees in a glorious shout, “Gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon!” The crowd eases back and gives Tom some room to rap. “Kabuto, Persian, Paras, Horsea, Raticate, Magnemite, Kadabra, Weepinbell, Ditto, Cloyster, Caterpie�"” he somehow finds time to fit in the words, “my personal favorite Pokémon, tbh,” then continues, “Sandshrew, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Golem, Pikachu!” The crowd and Gatsby join in once more for the chorus. “At least one-hundred-and-fifty, or more to see, to be a Pokémon master is my destiny~~!” Tom buckles down and resumes the rap. “Alakazam, Doduo, Venonat, Machoke, Kangaskhan, Hypno, Electabuzz, Flareon, Blastoise, Poliwhirl, Oddish, Drowzee, Raichu, Nidoqueen, Bellsprout, Starmie!” Tom exhales and takes a sip from his water bottle. “Woo! We’re at the halfway point, doing great so far,” he tells Gatsby.

“We? What’s all this “we” stuff? I’m doing all the hard work!”

Tom smiles and starts spinning some more. “Break time’s over, here we go~!” He starts rapping. “Metapod, Marowak, Kakuna, Clefairy, Dodrio, Seadra, Vileplume, Krabby, Lickitung, Tauros, Weedle, Nidoran, Machop, Shellder, Porygon, Hitmonchan!” The crowd joins in again. “Gotta’ catch ‘em all, gotta’ catch ‘em all! Yeah! Gotta’ catch ‘em all, gotta’ catch ‘em all! Yeah!”

Tom slurps in some air. “Articuno, Jynx, Nidorina, Beedrill, Haunter, Squirtle, Chansey,” the crowd steps in and shouts, “Pokémon!” then Tom continues, “Parasect, Exeggcute, Muk, Dewgong, Pidgeotto, Lapras, Vulpix, Rhydon! At least one-hundred-and-fifty, or more to see, to be a Pokémon master is my, destiny!” Tom breathes in. “ Charizard, Machamp, Pinsir, Koffing, Dugtrio, Golbat, Staryu, Magikarp, Ninetales, Ekans, O-ma-star! Scyther, Tentacool, Dragonair, Magmar!”

Gatsby stands up off of the boombox, the crosses his arms in true gangster fashion. “Whoa, catch your breath man! Shake out those lips!”

Tom nods. “It’s downhill from here, just twenty-four more to go!”

Gatsby looks at me then points, “now it gets tricky, so listen real good!”

Tom raps, “Sandslash, Hitmonlee, Psyduck, Arcanine, Eevee, Exeggutor, Kabutops, Zapdos, Dratini, Growlithe, Mr. Mime, Cubone�"” his face looks demonic for a moment as he says “Graveler,” then it returns to normal, “Voltorb, Gloom!”

Gatsby places his hand on Tom’s shoulder, then points to the sky. “We’re almost home!”

“Gotta’ catch ‘em all, gotta’ catch ‘em all! Eeyow!” The crowd jumps in to help. “Gotta’ catch ‘em all, gotta’ catch ‘em all!” they all thrust in unison “Huugh!” They raise their fists in the air, like some sort of Pokémon cult. “Gotta’ catch ‘em all, Pokémon!”

Tom gets ready for the last rap-bit. “Charmeleon,” the demon-face returns, “War-tor-tle! Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl, Omanyte, ~Slowpoke~, Pidgeot, Arbok�"” he grins widely, “that's all folks!”

They all join up, then sway their hips as they wave their arms side to side. “Catch ‘em, catch ‘em, gotta’ catch ‘em all, oooh, gotta’ catch ‘em all, Pokémon.” They continue to dance. “Catch ‘em, catch ‘em, gotta’ catch ‘em all, oooh,” Tom reaches the front of the dancing crowd and sings loudly, “gotta’ catch ‘em all, Pokémon!” The crowd backgrounds his singing. “Catch ‘em, catch ‘em, gotta’ catch ‘em all,” the crowd stops immediately and leaves Tom’s voice singled out for the final line, “Gotta’ catch ‘em all,” they all join in once more, “Pokémon!”

I stare at them for awhile. Gatsby drops his mic.

After recreating the rap, Gatsby and Tom both realized that Gasconleaf was not a real Pokémon and they in fact, were idiots�"

“Hey, you don’t have to rub it in, Nick.”

“What? That was out loud too?” I smirk and look to the camera. I know what I did.