Chapter 8

    The next thing Kat knew, she was standing on a sidewalk in what at first glance seemed to be some kind of metropolis. All around her were huge buildings and skyscrapers that were brightly lit even though it was the dead of night. But the architecture was incredibly weird, and she could faintly hear music playing in the distance, although she couldn't quite make out where it was coming from. She'd heard music similar to it before. It was what Matt liked to call Neo-Tokyo Trance. She was quite positive he'd made that name up himself and no one else called it that, yet it seemed to fit somehow. The city had a smell and a taste to it unlike anything she'd experienced before. It was metallic, not the coppery taste of blood but something sheerer, cleaner. And there was a faint current of electricity beneath it that could only be felt. It was... Technology. That was the only way she could think to describe it. Like raw technology had taken on sensory form.

 

    She was still trying to make out the source of the music, of the sense of technology, when she heard the scream. It was sharp and shrill, a female voice, and it was coming from nearby. Kat didn't think twice, she took off running towards it. The length of a block passed by in a blur, and then she was turning into a narrow alleyway as a second scream sounded.

 

    Two figures, bathed in shadow enough that she couldn't clearly make them out from behind, were slowly approaching a girl that had already backed up against a wall dead-ending the alley behind her. The girl was young, mid-teens at most. Kat couldn't make out any visible weapons on the two figures, but the girl's screams were enough to show that they were trouble, and the girl believed herself to be in danger.

 

    "STOP!" Kat shouted into the alley, not quite sure what she was going to do if they didn't, but knowing only that she had to help the girl if she could.

 

    The two figures rounded on her, casting just enough light over their faces for her to make them out. Two boys, maybe in their late teens, not much older than the girl herself. They were both rather pale, but the outline of their bodies showed well defined muscles. Their faces were rough, but sculpted enough to be quite attractive, the sort of guy she might have gone for once upon a time. Now though, both looked like they meaned business, and while their faces showed a little surprise at her shout and at the sight of her, leering smiles quickly broke out over both their faces.

 

    "Look what we have here," one of the boys said, taking a step towards Kat. "Aren't you a pretty little thing. You want to join the fun, sweetness?"

 

    "Stay back! I mean it!" Kat said forcefully, raising one hand in a gesture to ward them off.

 

    "Or what? You'll yell at us again, girlie?" the second boy said with a wicked grin as the first boy took another step towards her. "Do you know what we are? The people who live around here sure do. This is our territory. Yell all you like, no one is going to come to help you. It was terribly nice of you to bring your sweet little a*s right to us, though. Here we were thinking we were only going to have one toy to play with, and you hand-deliver a second. Twice the fun."

 

    Kaitlyn started to take a step back when she saw the two boys' eyes widen, the smiles vanishing from their face. Before she could wonder why she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her gently but firmly back as someone stepped around her. It only took a quick glance for her to know who it was, she'd seen his profile so many times it was ingrained in her heart. Matthew.

 

    "Trent, Craig, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Matt demanded. He was paler than usual, but otherwise seemed unchanged.

 

    "We were just playing around," the first boy said resentfully, his eyes showing a sort of hesitant anger. The best Kat could guess, Matt was in some sort of authority position over the two of them, and the boy clearly didn't like it.

 

    "You know the Goddess gave us specific orders not to harm the humans of the city," Matt said reproachfully, glaring at the two of them. The Goddess? Kat could feel her eyes widening, but Matt wasn't paying attention to her.

 

    "Like I said, we were just playing," the first boy said, though he wouldn't meet Matt's eyes. "We were only going to have some fun with them, then we would've let them go."

 

    "I know full well what you were going to do. Let me make this perfectly clear for the both of you. You will not disobey Her will. Because the moment you do and I catch you, there isn't going to be any mercy. You're not going to be forgiven. I'm going to rip you a new one, tear the Power right out of you, and if you're lucky enough to crawl away from the encounter alive, what's left of you will be a sad sight to see," Matt told them sharply.

 

    "She'll never condone that. She chose us, just as she chose you," the second boy shot back in return, though he wouldn't look Matt in the eye either.

 

    "You're fools if you think you can't fall out of her favor. You both remember what happened to James, don't you?" Matt demanded, and both boys blanched. "He was chosen too, but that didn't keep Her wrath from falling on him for his blasphemy. You both know how much weight she gives my reports. If I tell her you've lost the faith and are abusing what she gave you, you'll end up the same as he did."

 

    "Maybe we... Took things too far," the first boy muttered. "Scared them too much. We weren't really going to hurt them, it was all in fun. But maybe we crossed a line. It won't happen again."

 

    Matt didn't look like he believed a word he was hearing. "It had better not. For your sakes."

 

    After one last glance at the young girl huddled against the dead-end wall, the two boys began to walk out of the alley. Kat found herself gently pulled to the side by Matt as the boys stepped past them. They started to set off down the street, but after only a couple seconds the second boy paused and looked back at them. "Why did you even come here, anyways?" he asked, his eyes finally meeting Matt's.

 

    "Our Goddess sent me. Perhaps she knew what you were about to do and was generous enough in Her mercy to send me to stop you before you did something she would have to punish. You two have been given a second chance. Don't waste it," Matt answered. After one last suspicious glare shot their way, the boy turned and walked on into the night.

 

    "Thank you. I guess you saved us," Kat said softly once the boys were out of earshot.

 

    "Thank the Goddess. It was Her will that sent me here tonight. But it wasn't really those two she sent me for, though perhaps she foresaw this happening and wished me to warn them as well. It was you she sent me for, Kaitlyn," Matt said with a smile, before he glanced down the alley toward the young girl still cowering there. It was her he spoke his next words to. "It's alright, no one's going to hurt you. Run home, and be more careful in these parts after dark."

 

    The girl stared at Matt for a second, looking almost too scared to believe what she was hearing. Then she gave a short, quick nod and took off running, bolting past the two of them and down the street in the opposite direction from where the boys had gone. Kat watched her go before turning her attention back to Matt. "You know my name? Have we met before?"

 

    "No. The Goddess told me you would be here. She described you to me, asked me to bring you before Her. You're very blessed, few besides the chosen ever get to stand in Her presence," Matt said, a reverent undertone in his voice.

 

    "Who is this goddess?" Kat asked, and then when Matt gave her a scandalously shocked look, she was quick to follow-up. "Please don't take offense, I didn't intend any. I'm new to this city, I just arrived actually. You're the first person I've heard speak of her."

 

    "Well, it is true that she chose this city to be the heart of Her grace, and has not left it since her arrival. Still it's hard to imagine there are places left that haven't heard of the majesty and power of Bast," Matthew said, still looking shocked.

 

    Bast, Bast, Kat knew she'd heard that name before. Then it came to her. Bast was an ancient Egyptian goddess. In fact, she was a... Cat goddess. The irony of that wasn't lost on Kat, in fact she was sure it couldn't be a coincidence. Yet just what it meant about what this world was supposed to represent she wouldn't be able to say until she met this goddess for herself. "Then I am honored to be called into Her presence. I would very much like to meet the Goddess, if you will take me to Her," Kat replied, trying to put the same emphasis and inflection on the identifiers that he had.

 

    "It will be my pleasure. This way," Matt said, smiling once more as he turned and set off down the street towards a car parked about a block away.

 

    Soon enough Kat was in the passenger seat and watching Matt as he drove. She was convinced now that there was something different about him, besides the paleness of his skin, and the more she watched him the more certain of it she became, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. Something about the way his body moved, perhaps, or the intensity in his eyes.

 

    Her attention was finally drawn away from him though when their destination came into view. Even without Matt saying anything, Kat knew it had to be the place the instant she caught sight of it. It was the strangest building she'd ever seen. Kat was neither an engineer nor an architect, but she wasn't even certain a building like that could exist in the real world. It was shaped like a cat's tail. The main part of the building rose about thirty stories straight up, and that's where it got weird, because after that the building started to arc to the side. The highest point, perhaps forty stories high, hovered over the building next door. The building then continued in a downward arc back to the thirty story point before ending in another straight up-and-down section that went for about ten floors and was suspended there, twenty stories in the air, directly above the street.

 

    Kat could only gape at the structure as Matt pulled into a massive parking lot in front of it and the two of them got out. "Amazing, isn't it?" Matt said as he lead her towards the front door, clearly amused by the look on her face. "The Goddess designed it herself, had it built upon her arrival. A testament to Her greatness."

 

    "It's... Really something," Kat agreed, nodding. There were two men standing to the sides of the door, each as pale as Matthew and the two boys she'd seen before. They seemed to be guards of some kind, but they recognized Matt on sight and nodded to him without a word. They gave her slightly more curious looks, but the fact that she was with Matt seemed enough for them, because they let her pass without issue.

 

    Directly across from the door was an elevator, which Matt made a beeline towards. As they stepped in, Kat noted the buttons only went up to 30. "What do we do when we reach the top?" Kat asked.

 

    "We take the stairs," Matt replied as he reached out and pressed the 30. The trip to the upper floor was a short one, and as they emerged they encountered more security like the men downstairs, half a dozen of them this time. Apparently the main building was open to a far larger list of people, but only the chosen and a select few others were allowed into what Matt called 'the Temple'. Past the guards was a stairwell, and they began to ascend. Only, unlike a normal spiraling staircase, the stairs in this one only led one way, forward. On the top floor they emerged into a long hallway with several doors leading out into the main section of the floor. They ignored them however, and at the end of the hall the stairs leading down began. All those flights of stairs were more of a workout than Kat had  thought they would be, and she was glad that when they reached the final up-and-down section, the tip of the cat's tail as it were, they came to another elevator. The buttons in this elevator didn't have numbers at all, but symbols. It would've taken Kat forever to decipher them, but Matt didn't hesitate as he reached out to press the bottom button.

 

    When the elevator doors finally opened at their destination, Kat found herself looking out onto a luxurious apartment. Directly in front of them was an oddly shaped but huge living room. And based on the large number of doors leading off of it, she had to imagine the apartment took up the entire floor. Seated in chairs halfway across the room were two more two more pale men and a single woman who could only be the goddess herself.

 

    It would've been hard to mistake Bast, since she looked almost exactly like Kat herself. As the woman rose at the sight of them, the only differences Kat could see were that the woman had lightly furred and tufted cat ears instead of normal ones, and what looked very much like a furry tail extending from her hindquarters. In fact, it looked a lot like a costume Kat had cosplayed in several months before, except then the ears and tail had been part of the costume, and these looked very much real.

 

    "Matthew, I see you've brought my guest. Very good. Everyone, leave us. Kaitlyn and I have much to discuss," Bast said with a gesture towards the elevator, and even her voice was identical to Kat's.

 

    "As You will, so I obey," Matt replied in a reverent tone, bowing his head in acceptance. He waited for the other two men to reach him, and then all three of them turned and stepped into the elevator, the doors quickly closing behind them.

 

    "Well, Kat, now we're alone. Amazing isn't it? How we're nearly identical and he doesn't see it? You wouldn't think someone could block something like that out. It's remarkable what the mind can do, if it's not ready to deal with something," Bast told her as she moved back over to take a seat, and hesitantly Kat followed to drop into one of the chairs the men had been occupying.

 

    For a second Kat just stared at the woman, unsure that Bast was truly saying what she thought she was. "I'm not sure I understand..."

 

    Bast just gave her a look of mixed amusement and frustration. "In all likelihood, one of two possibilities holds true. Either you are the real Kaitlyn, and you've entered these worlds Matt's mind has created. Or Matt unknowingly created a hallucination capable of traveling between those worlds. One that acts on so deep a level of his subconscious as to fool even me. If the first is true, we need to have a serious discussion. If the second is true, all I waste by having that same discussion is a little time. So might as well, don't you think?"

 

    "So... You know what's going on here? You understand what his mind is doing, what these places are? But I thought..." Kat trailed off.

 

    "That he was completely unaware of how fractured he is, how screwed up his mind happens to be at the moment? He is unaware, to an extent. He's unaware because he can't handle it all. He's unable to cope. So his mind instinctively created these worlds to compartmentalize some of his biggest issues, so that rather than dealing with them all at once he could deal with it a piece at a time. Unfortunately he's failing miserably at it, as you've probably noticed. He's no more capable of fixing his issues now than he was before he swallowed those pills, and the more he struggles the more reserved and isolated he becomes within his own mind. Yet he can't stop trying. He craves catharsis, relief, and until he gets it he can't stop. But if the walls of these worlds were to crumble, if all that weight were to fall back on his shoulders all at once, he might break, go insane, and in this place I'm sure that would be extremely unpleasant. But I... I can see it all, can know it all, because he doesn't see me as himself. Technically I am him, just as everything else here is. It's his mind I spring from, so technically my thoughts are his, my actions are at his direction. But to him I'm a character of sorts. While his brain creates what I think and feel, he doesn't actually experience those thoughts and feelings. In that way he's guarded from what I know. His subconscious has already realized a great deal, but so long as he doesn't have to consciously accept any of it, so long as he doesn't have to face it, he can keep the weight of it off his shoulders. If the incarnation of him that brought you here were still in this room, I wouldn't be saying any of this, I would still be playing the part of the goddess he made me into, I'd have to. All part of his mind defending itself. But so long as he doesn't perceive himself as hearing any of this, he can still cling to the illusion that he doesn't know it," Bast explained to her.

 

    "So you're saying that you're him... But not him?" Kat queried, feeling like she understood, most of it at least.

 

    "In a very real way, yeah. I mean, haven't you guessed yet, Kat? I'm you. That's why we look so much alike. He isn't ready to face the real you, but he still needs to be near you sometimes, so here I am, a character in one of these worlds he's created. Let me put it this way. Have you ever had conversations with Matt in your head? Ever imagined telling him something, or showing him something, and then imagined what he would say?" Bast asked, and when Kat nodded, she went on. "Then you have a Matthew inside your mind, just like he has me. All the conversations he's ever imagined having with you. Every fantasy or dream he's ever had of you. That's me. When I think about myself, I identify with you, not with him. Yet I know it's him I'm a part of. So my feelings aren't necessarily the same as yours. The things I say aren't necessarily the things you'd say. Rather, I'm what he would imagine you saying, what he'd imagine you feeling and doing."

 

    "And so you're telling me all this because you want to help me?" Kat pressed hesitantly.

 

    "Exactly. It tears me up to see him like this, as I'm sure it must for you. If I can help you heal him, I will," Bast answered.

 

    "But if I could just talk to him, if I could tell him how I feel..." Kat trailed off. It was after all what she'd come here to do.

 

    "He wants to see you. But right now, to him... You represent judgment. You represent the possibility of rejection, something that mentally could hurt him even more than he's capable of hurting himself. Even if rejection is not your intent, he's not ready to face that possibility, yet. You also create a question, a fear. And please, don't tell me the true circumstances, because that is something powerful enough that it might break through the wall separating my knowledge from his conscious, and that would be dangerous. But the fear is that... Right now, you're within his mind. Had he survived, that shouldn't be possible, so if he's then correct in assuming that he succeeded and is now dead... The only way you'd be able to be here, is if you were dead too. That is also something he's not ready to deal with," Bast told her.

 

    Kat wanted to tell her that his assumption was wrong, that she was still alive, but the woman had specifically warned her against revealing the answer. The truth was Kat didn't even fully understand how the person had been able to send her into Matt's mind, so she wouldn't be able to really explain it anyways. She wanted to say she wouldn't judge or reject Matt, but she'd already been told her intentions didn't matter. So what did that leave? "What am I supposed to do?" she finally whispered.

 

    Bast paused for a moment, then gave a sad smile and a little shrug. "If Matt knew how to fix his problems, I wouldn't be here. And so long as he doesn't know the answers, neither do I. But unlike him, you're aware that each of these worlds is one of his issues. You know the truth that he can't accept. And if you want to get him through this, you're going to have to find whatever it is that he's missing. Some way to help him deal. You can't cure his problems altogether, but you might be able to find a way to lift him above them. To reduce the weight of them, to give him back his strength, his hope, so that maybe he can finally stand up without those issues pushing him right back down again."

 

    Kat had been trying to do that, to figure out ways to help him, but she hadn't been doing such a great job of it so far. "What issue does this world represent, exactly?" was what she finally asked.

 

    "Isn't it obvious?" Bast queried in return, gesturing around her. "This is him putting you up on a pedestal so high that you become unattainable, something he can never have. But worse, something he feels he's not good enough for. He made you something that's perfect, holy, revered, a goddess, something he can only serve and worship. This is him loving you, needing to be close to you, yet feeling like you're something more than he deserves, more than he can hope for."

 

    "But he does have me... He never lost me... I just..." Kat trailed off, trying to put it into words and failing.

 

    "You left," Bast said, not in a tone of accusation, but of  simply stating a fact. "You didn't come back. If he has you, he doesn't feel it. He doesn't believe it. And the more time that passed the further you slipped out of reach for him. Until you were so far out of reach that you were just... Gone. If you want him to see things differently, you're going to have to convince him. I'm not sure how you can do that, but whatever you want to try, I'm in. Just say the word, and you'll have all the help that I can give."

 

    "Limited by the fact that if he's actually around, you turn back into just another character," Kat muttered. There had to be some way to get past that though, something she could do.

 

    "It does complicate things," Bast agreed with a nod, before suddenly looking thoughtful. "Although... It's possible if you jarred him a little, broke through his focus on this world just enough to render him confused, unsure... It might make him uncertain enough of the characters here to allow me to act outside of my normal role. On the other hand, it might just jolt his mind from this world to a different one. Hard to say, really."

 

    "If there's a chance it might work though, it's worth a shot. It opens up possibilities, at least," Kat said, intently considering. "And it's not exactly like I have any better ideas."

 

    "So what's the plan, then?" Bast queried, watching her.

 

    "I need something that'll jar him out of the role he's set for himself for a second without scaring him, or hurting him. Fear or pain would both probably be the things that would cause his mind to instinctively try to escape, and that would lead to the world shift. So I need to... Shock him, startle him so much that for a moment he doesn't know what to think. The question is, how do I blindside him like that without scaring him?" Kat murmured more to herself than to Bast, still thinking.

 

    Bast's head suddenly jerked to the side, her eyes focusing on something in the distance. "Looks like you're going to have to figure it out later," the woman said, backing up a step. "I can feel it coming."

 

    Kat was about to ask her what she meant, when it hit her, the sudden surge of disorientation, and then the sense of falling as the world around her disappeared.