My Favorite

love sucks

 

“You know you’re my favorite, right?”

that is what she told me before

leaving to visit another. An hour

or so earlier she had asked me to

stop by ‘cause she hadn’t seen me

in a while. I guess she missed my smile.

We exchanged greetings, held some

meaningless conversation. I didn’t pay

her any mind when I should have had

her under careful observation. I feel

like I’m about to tear with all her pushing

and pulling. Her favorite teddy bear appears

strong, but his insides are wool and fluff.

He appears tough as she dismisses him, giving

him nothing but taking from him…everything.

And he is still wrapped around her finger in the

form of that ring from Mignot Faget. She

destroyed his night and now tomorrow is looking

like a bad day. And his blue skies are too few

to combat grey. Everything seems rearranged

and baby, you still don’t think you’ve

changed. We’ve grown estranged while remaining

close and talking on the daily or maybe I

didn’t notice when Cupid’s arrow had impaled me.

But I used my fail-safe. An expressionless

expression shifting to an insolent grin that

begins to make her think that now I’m back

to being “him”; the guy who never shows her

any feelings at all. He raises me up, but I fear

elevation since even Icarus had to fall. I

built the Walls of Troy and she is the ruse

that broke them down. If I couldn’t see it

then, I know I’m bound to see it now.

How she was saying something but she wasn’t

explaining nothing. Maybe she’s confused or perhaps

my baby is fronting. I won’t go so far to say that

she lied to me. But I must admit that she

had me feeling like the “i” in “we”: unused,

understood to not be part of the union. It’s

confusing. Am I finally viewing reality or just

noticing the illusion? Nothing is said even though

we both talk and she left me one last parting

gift after shutting me down and buckling up

before she drove off. One sentence:

“You know you’re my favorite, right?”

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[P.j. Spadoni]

my my my. is this about, you know who?