What If

Its not peer pressure, or even conforming, I want to get high.

I want to get high.

Though the weed is still good, and I find myself a fan, I want to try something else. Something that will open up my mind a little more. Mushrooms. It would be very easy, with out really costing anything. My roommates and lover have even done them. I however was reluctant and missed my chance. Due to some mental issues I fear that taking a shroom will give me a bad trip so I have been straying from it, only sticking to pot.

But there is an itch, a type of longing to see how deep into my thoughts I can venture through.

I want to get high.

I am not addicted, I am not only wanting to do it because pot isn't enough anymore. Gateway drug my a*s.

I just want to feel a different kind of high. 

Does that make me a bad person?

I work, I pay bills, I am a good person, a good relative, friend. I volunteer work. I don't get high everyday like my old friends think.

They think that just because I moved out in with some new friends that I have actually known for years and we all get high means that I get high everyday. I don't work apparently, or want anything to do with them or my family. I am a bit nervous to invited them over. My friends have been over a few times, not all of them unfortunately. If my family comes over I have to remove the evidence. Hookah center piece, pipes, bongs and what not. Pshhh its not all mine if you think so, I live with 5 other people.

But I want to get high.

I don't need to get high. I am mostly just bored all the time. Alone because when I work everyone is at home, when everyone is at work I am home. There is the animals though.

Now I have to keep into consideration that with the other side of me. It. The being in my dreams my lover likes to say is the personification of my subconscious mind. If I were to trip on shrooms, I might just change. 

I want to get high.

What if I do it though? What if I were to take it a step further and eat a mushroom and spiral down the rabbit hole? Would my family and friends find out. Would people hate me because of it? What if I became addicted? I don't see myself with an addictive personality or anything. But What If?

What if the other side of me does come out? Would it be peaceful? Or dangerous.

I want to get high.