Bad day...

Something I wrote off of the top of my head.

"I put a gun to my head and told my fears to die slowly.
I've seen so much s**t that my only fear is dying lonely,
and I'm tired of putting on smiles
for people who don't even wanna know me.
And why would they?
At times I don't even like me.
I f**k up so bad
my own reflection want's to fight me.
But I can't stop...
I won't stop until my heart does.
So I put my feelings in rhymes
just to survive until I'm unplugged,
and jacked out of the Matrix,
or whatever this is.
This is life, I guess...
And if it isn't
then f**k knows what is...

Reviews

[Lemonhead]

Not bad man, I wouldn't worry about not considering what the reader will get out of it, that's not the point of poetry. You've expressed something that I've been able to understand and empathise with, using some good images. Only thing I'd say is try to avoid cliches.

[Trigorin]

I think you've used perhaps a few too many ellipses in this piece, and I think you could get a much better result from this piece if you bothered to flesh out your thoughts and consider what you want the reader to take away from this piece. As it stands it seems like an angst-ridden, bemoaning piece, and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, it does get a bit old after a while.

[Javan]

I didn't want the reader to come away with anything, this wasn't a planned or pre-meditated piece, and honestly, I didn't even think about what the reader would think after reading it.
I was pissed off, opened up a word document and started typing, and this is what came out.

But thank you for taking the time to read it.