Syphilis

Chapter 6

Cancer stood outside the cafeteria rubbing the bridge of his nose under his glasses. He had gotten a coffee before leaving and he took a long drink of it before lighting a cigarette and sighing. 

“What's wrong?” asked Suicide. 

“Ugh,” Cancer replied. He was quiet for a long time before he said, “Okay. Listen, Billy.  Listen, listen, listen.” 

“What did I do wrong?” asked Suicide, panic stricken. 

“Nothing but, well, listen,” he repeated. “There is a place that we have got to go. It is not a good place. To say it is unsanitary is an understatement and there are things there I do not want you to see or become involved in. There is nothing I can do to prevent you from seeing these... these things but do not get involved. Understand?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay then. Off we go,” he said. They headed down the hallway to the elevator at the far end of the business district and Cancer pressed the button to call it. 

“Um... Gerard?” 

“Yes?” 

“This... place. What's so bad about it?” 

“It is disgusting,” Cancer said with distaste. 

“Why?” 

“Because it just is, Billy,” he said as the elevator arrived. He stepped inside. 

“Why though? What goes on there?” asked Suicide following him in and checking that Malice's arms were tucked safely away so as not to get caught in the sliding doors. 

“Anything you can imagine and many things you cannot,” he said as he pressed the button for the basement. 

“Oh. Where are we going?” 

“We must pay a visit to the... the Department of Debauchery,” he said, disgusted. 

“Ooh!” said Suicide as the cab began to descend. 

“No, Billy. Not 'ooh'. I mean it. It is sickening. Have you ever been to it?” asked Cancer. He wasn't surprised by Suicide's reaction. Rumors swirled about what really went on there and many people were frequent visitors. 

“N-no! Of course not!” 

“You will see many things there. Many of them will be... unpleasant. If things were different, I would have left you in my room while I went down alone but,” he said as the elevator reached their destination, “I do not wish to leave you by yourself with things in such a state of disarray.” 

“Disarray?” 

“Yes. I mean with things in such a state as to necessitate the formation of a specialized team,” he lied. He didn't want to tell Suicide about Time's veiled threat. 

“Oh.”  They walked off the elevator and through a long corridor. There were no doors on any of the walls and no one but them in the hallway. “This doesn't seem so bad. It's quiet.” 

“Wait. Just wait,” warned Cancer. 

They walked for what seemed an eternity before finally reaching a single set of swinging doors with the words, “Department of Debauchery” written above it. They passed through them and into a large room that had long since been stripped bare. It was also vacant. Directly in front of them were 2 doors. The left had the word “Sex” in a plaque above it (someone had written “Yes, please!” beneath it) and the other door had an identical plaque bearing the word “Drugs”. Next to this door was a large rectangle someone had drawn in red marker and written “Rock and Roll!” above. Cancer led him to the door marked “Sex” and, turning to Suicide, said, “Don't touch anything,” while punctuating each word with a wave of his finger. He turned his attention back to the door, hung his head, groaned, and, after letting out a loud sigh, he turned the knob and entered. 

The first thing Suicide noticed was the noise level. It was outrageously loud with screaming girls and laughing boys everywhere. He thought he heard a horse neighing and then the smell hit him and he forgot about the horse. The smell was unlike anything he had ever experienced before and he never hoped to experience it again. 

“Oh, God!” said Suicide. He tried to lessen the smell by pulling his shirt up over his nose but it was useless so he gave up. 

“Indeed,” said Cancer. 

“It smells like... I don't know! Pickles and death and rotting and mold and... yuck!  Just... really bad!  Really, really bad!” 

“It is the smell of sweat, shame, flesh and...other things,” he replied, with a look of disgust on his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube of something called muscle rub that he had found in the mortal realm. It was a strong smelling cream so he had kept it thinking that it may come in handy when his work forced him to come here. He always thought it smelled like Time. Unpleasant.  Unscrewing the cap, he put some on his finger and, grabbing Suicide's chin, rubbed it under his nose before putting it beneath his own. “This should help. Just breathe normally.”

“Ugh... Okay.” 

“Better?” 

“Well,” said Suicide, “It stinks still but it stinks different now. Lots better.” 

“Very well,” he said. He stood there looking for Syphilis. He was impossible to miss and, when he didn't see him, he looked around for someone to ask. There was no one there that he wanted to talk to. 

“Why, hello boys,” said a lusty voice from the corner. They turned to see a woman emerge from the shadows. She was wearing nothing but a vinyl g-string and had an X made out of electrical tape across each n****e. Suicide's jaw fell and he covered Malice's eyes. 

“Hello, Madame Clap,” said Cancer looking sideways. 

“Who's your friend, Cancer?” 

“This is Suicide.” 

“Why, hello there, cutie,” she said bending over at the knee and stroking his cheek. “Aren't you a fine looking one?” 

“H-hello, ma'am.” 

“Is there something I can help you with, sweetie?” she asked him, still stroking his face. 

“N-no,” he said, with eyes as big as saucers. 

“Are you sure? We can help with anything here. Our tastes range from the vanilla to the exotic and everything in between, you know,” she coaxed. 

“He is fine,” said Cancer, gently taking her wrist and removing her hand from Suicide's cheek. 

“Aww, Cancer. You're no fun,” she said. “Is this another business call?” 

“Yes. I am looking for Syphilis. Is he in?” 

“Well, he's either in or out. Those are our only choices here, darling.” 

“I mean do you know where he is? May I speak with him?” asked Cancer. He was becoming impatient. 

“Well, I don't know where he is but you're certainly welcome to take a look around.” 

“I was hoping I would not have to.” 

“Oh, come now. I can't be expected to know where all my employees are, can I?” she purred. 

“You are the head of this department, Madame Clap. It is your job to know where your employees are.” 

“I have other things I'd rather be doing.”  Suicide heard a faint vibration from her direction and, looking at her outfit, wondered where she kept her cell phone. He knew all the higher ups and department heads carried one. She must have known hers was ringing. 

“Earn your pay properly please,” said Cancer, before grabbing Suicide's hand and walking past her towards the dimly lit hallway. 

“Cancer!” she called before he had a chance to get away. 

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her with his hand on his hip. 

“It's always business with you. When will you be paying us a pleasure trip? I don't believe you ever have.” 

“No. No, I have not nor will I be doing so at any point in the future. Good day, Madame Clap,” he said.  He turned, walked off, and dragged Suicide with him. 

“Are you okay?” Suicide asked.

“Fine,” he replied before going silent. 

Suicide allowed himself to be dragged down the hallway. He watched Cancer look in each room and noticed him getting angrier with each glance until, finally, he began mumbling things to himself. 

“They think me one of them............... Common trash............. Perverted............. Every one...... As if I would deign sink so low............. Wasting my seed on a harlot........... Disgusting......... They should all be fired............. Time........... Filth,” he was saying to himself. Finally, he stood in the middle of the hallway and screamed, “SYPHILIS, YOU DISGUSTING MAGGOT SON OF A B***H! I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS! SHOW YOURSELF!” 

“Who the hell is calling me? Unless you want to join in, you can get the... Cancer!  Hey, man! Thanks for the awesome greeting.  I never knew you felt that way!” said a man who had emerged from a room on the right. 

Cancer dropped Suicide's hand and reached into his pocket, producing an envelope with the name “Syphilis” typewritten on it. “Here,” he said, thrusting it at him. 

“What's this?” 

“Your... unique skills... are being commandeered by Oblivion Corp. for the formation of a specialized team of employees to aid in the completion of a classified mission,” said Cancer. “Just read the damn thing.” 

Suicide watched as Syphilis opened the envelope to read it. He had bright green hair, a large nose, and a twinkle in his eye.  He was wearing a dirty white t-shirt, long brown shorts, a belt studded with silver hoops, and green high tops with broken laces. 

“Wow,” he said. “Glad I read this letter, man. How else would I have known I was being commandeered by Oblivion Corp. for the formation of a specialized team of employees to aid in the completion of a classified mission?” 

“Ugh,” said Cancer, slapping his forehead with his palm. 

“Who's the kid?” 

“Suicide. His name is Suicide.” 

“Hi,” said Suicide. 

“Yo!” said Syphilis, waving his hand. Then, turning to Cancer, he said, “So... the new look.  You trying to get some ladies, man? Trying to look smarter? It's cool. I'm digging the glasses. You know, girls like smart guys but you gotta remember to always act dumber than them. It makes them feel special and then they make you feel special!” he said cheerfully. 

“That is not why I am wearing the... what in the world?” he asked, staring past Syphilis's shoulder. 

Suicide followed Cancer's gaze and his jaw fell.  Two people dressed in a horse costume were walking slowly up the hall and, sitting astride them, was a naked Ravage. 

“What?” asked Syphilis. “Oh. Hey, Randy! How's it hangin', dude?” he yelled to the Ravage. The horse people walked past them neighing while Randy struck a pose like Napoleon. 

“Ha, ha! You go, man!” yelled Syphilis. Randy did a theatrical bow and steered his steed  through a door on the left as Suicide giggled hysterically. 

“Randy?” Cancer asked Syphilis, incredulously. 

“Yeah, dude.” 

“How do you tell them apart?” 

“I don't.” 

“Then how do you know that was Randy?”  

“Oh. I don't. I call them all Randy. I named them that and none of them have corrected me so far so why not? Randy Ravage. It has a cool ring to it, dontcha think?” 

“I suppose so,” said Cancer. He noticed Suicide was still laughing. Between the Ravage and the conversation, he was in hysterics. 

“My... my stomach hurts,” he said, still laughing. 

“Are you all right?” asked Cancer. 

“Y-yes,” said Suicide through laughter. Cancer liked the sound of it and smiled. This seemed as good a time as any to ask Syphilis for advice. 

“Syphilis, may I speak with you for a moment?” 

“Go for it, man.” 

“I will be right back. Stay here, okay?” he said to Suicide who nodded in response. He seemed to be composing himself as he stood holding Malice and clutching his sides. Cancer grabbed Syphilis by the arm and led him down the hallway. 

“Oh, so it's gonna be like that, huh? You want to talk to me alone? Well, okay. Been a while since my last dude so I might be out of practice. You wanna play pitcher or catcher?” 

“Pardon?” asked Cancer. “I do not think I follow...” 

“Nothing, man. Just screwing with you,” he laughed. “Whatcha want?” 

“Your advice and your secrecy.”  

“Two things no one's ever asked me for before. Okay. You got it. What do you need advice about?” he asked. 

He looked at the wall and mumbled something unintelligible in response. 

“Wha?” 

“I need advice on... on sex, okay?” he said in hushed tones as he began looking around to make sure they were out of earshot of anyone. 

“Oh! Cancer, you sly dog, you! Who is she? Who's the lucky lady? Is it Coronary? Stroke? Nah. Knowing you she's probably in one of the classier departments. Morality or something like that. Oh! It's Esteem, isn't it? She's hot, dude. You two make a good couple. Congrats, man!  You gonna make an honest woman out of her?  You seem like the Ritualizing type.  Invite me.  We'll party!”

“No. It is none of them. It's... it is...” he started as he looked back at Suicide. He had tucked Malice into the hood of his jacket and there he sat, perched behind Suicide's head like a comfortable look out. Cancer smiled at the image and Syphilis saw it. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh, wow! The kid? Cancer, man. Geez, I never knew! You like guys? You're gay?” 

“I... honestly, I do not know what I am. All I know is that he is the only one that I have ever... engaged with. He is the only one that I have ever wanted to engage with. I did it last night for the... for the first time. It was the first time for us both.” 

“First time, ever?” he asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Oh, Cancer.  Cancer, man.  You missed out on so much good s**t, dude.” 

“I have no regrets.  Can you help me or not?” 

“Pfft. Look who you're talking to, man. Of course I can help you! I'm a pro, dude! That's how I got the job!” he said as he put his arm around Cancer's shoulders and began to lead him to the door at the end of the hallway. “Besides, I ain't got nothing against a little sword fighting!” 

“Sword fighting?” repeated Cancer as he watched Syphilis open the door. He was unsure what this reference to sword fighting meant so as he followed him inside, he was cautious. He had no weapons on him and didn't want to be attacked. He looked around and saw neither swords nor ninjas and lowered his guard. 

“Welcome to our little slice of Shangri-La!” said Syphilis, standing in the middle of the room in a way that said, “Behold!”.  It was filled with bottles, bags, and strange looking electronics. 

“W-what is all this?” asked Cancer. 

“Helpers,” he said matter of factly. 

“Helpers?” 

“Yeah. What did you use last night?” 

“Use?” 

“Yeah.  You know, what did you use when you, what did you call it? Engaged?” 

Cancer stared at him for a moment then said, “My... my bed? Is that what you wish to know?” 

Syphilis stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. “Are you telling me you didn't use anything?” he finally asked.

“Yes?” He had no idea what he was supposed to have “used” and, deferring to Syphilis's expertise, decided to agree with him. 

“Holy s**t, Cancer! Are you trying to kill the kid? You're supposed to grease the wheels! And you're, what, at least 6 feet? He's not much bigger than Randy! Why would you do that? S**t.  That must have hurt like a b***h!” 

“I... I didn't know how! I didn't know I had to do anything special! I... I asked him if I had hurt him and he said no so...” 

“He lied,” said Syphilis as he looked at a row of bottles on the wall. “Come here.” 

Cancer walked over to him on auto-pilot. He felt horrible. Was it true? Did he hurt the one he loved? He hoped he was being lied to but he knew that he was not. He had tried to ease Suicide's pain and, in doing so, had just caused him more of it. No wonder he had been the only one to complete their coupling. He was too intent on his own selfish needs. He felt like a monster. He was hit with this sudden realization and, putting his back to the wall, grabbed his head and slid to the ground where he sat with his arms around his knees, staring into space. 

“Woah.  You alright?” asked Syphilis, running over and putting his hand on his shoulder. 

“Why is he even talking to me?” 

“Hey, it's not a huge deal. You didn't know, now you do.” 

“I have never cared before. Had neither emotions nor desire and now... is this how I repay him for the joy he has given me? With pain? I do not... I do not deserve him,” he said as he put his head on his knees. “I wanted to show him pleasure, love, comfort but I have shown him only harm.” 

“You can't show people things you don't know yourself, Cancer.” 

“Perhaps,” he said sadly.  He stood up, sighing and mentally promising himself that there would be no more mistakes in his relationship. “Okay, then.  I will learn.  I will learn and I will earn his forgiveness. I will make him love me.  I will do whatever it takes.” 

“Love, huh?  There's a dirty word. Too dirty to use in the Department of Debauchery, even!” said Syphilis, trying to cheer him up. 

Cancer looked at the ground and gave a weak smile. 

“There ya' go, man. It'll be okay.” 

“It was not planned.  We were completely unprepared.” 

“No one's saying you did it on purpose,” 

“I love him. I never wished to hurt him,” he said. 

“Does he know you love him?” 

“No and I will not tell him.”  

“Won't or can't?” 

Cancer was standing there, contemplating the answer, when he heard two girls giggling and whispering in the hallway. He and Syphilis looked at each other, walked to the door, and peered outside. 

Two women, completely nude, stood there embracing one another. They were kissing and playing with some kind of gadget that they passed between themselves, laughing. Suicide was in the corner closest to the room Cancer and Syphilis had just came from with his mouth open and his eyes wide in disbelief. He was watching them and fidgeting uncomfortably. 

“Hell, yeah! Get to it, ladies!” screamed Syphilis. 

“Suicide! Come!” yelled Cancer, pointing to a spot on the floor in front of him. 

“Okay!” he said, running over.  Cancer's voice had apparently broken him out of his reverie. 

“I thought I told you not to get involved in anything!”  

“I... I wasn't involved! I was just... one minute, I was alone and the next they were there and I came looking for you but they kept moving further down the hall and... it happened so fast!” he said. Syphilis stood nearby jumping up and down and cheering on the women in the hallway. 

“It is fine,” he said, sighing. 

“I'm sorry.” 

“I said it is fine, Suicide,” he repeated. 

“Ha, ha! Oh, man. Lesbians are great, ain't they?” asked Syphilis who had apparently tired of the show. “Come on. Let's go back to our sexy room,” he said, leading Cancer back to the wall of bottles. “Okay, man. Pick out a good one!” 

Suicide had followed them inside and now stood beside them with his arms hugging one of Cancer's at the elbow. Malice still sat in his hood. He had no idea what Cancer was supposed to be picking out. 

Neither did Cancer. He stared at the wall of bottles and, spying a glossy black one, picked it up and took it. It had the words, “Mocha Love” written across it. 

“Good choice, man! Good choice! It tastes just like coffee!” said Syphilis. 

“Oh. Good. I love coffee,” said Cancer, proud of himself for some reason. 

“It's his favorite!” said Suicide. 

“Well then, lucky you, Suicide!” said Syphilis. 

Cancer stood looking at the bottle. “So, how am I supposed to use this? Is it some kind of energy drink? Do I drink it before or during or... should I drink it now?” 

“Do you have one that tastes like cigarettes? He likes those a lot too,” said Suicide. Cancer stared at him, grateful for his suggestion but thinking that a cigarette flavored energy drink wouldn't taste very good. 

“Are you two serious?” asked Syphilis. He was looking at them both in disbelief. “You're kidding me, right?” 

“What?” asked Cancer. 

“You don't drink it!” 

“Then what do you do with it?”  

“You... come here,” he motioned for Cancer to bend down. Suicide watched as Syphilis whispered to him. 

“Oh! That makes sense I suppose but if that's all you do with it, why does it matter what it tastes like?” Cancer asked. It seemed a senseless thing to add taste to. 

Suicide watched as Syphilis whispered again but this time, Cancer didn't nod. He blushed red. 

“No!” he said, shocked. “People do such things?” 

“Everyday, dude. It's awesome,” Syphilis told him. 

Cancer looked at Suicide then down at the floor. “We must be going. We have more recruiting to do,” he said, quickly adjusting his glasses. 

“Okay,” he responded, wondering what they had been whispering about. Whatever it was seemed to have thrown Cancer for a loop. He watched as his boyfriend slid the bottle into his inside breast pocket. 

“We will meet the day after tomorrow in the conference room at 10 am sharp, Syphilis. Understood?” asked Cancer, all business again. 

“Got it, chief,” he responded, giving a small salute. 

“Very well,” Cancer said, turning to leave. He walked away then, stopping at the door to the room, said, “Oh.  And Syphilis?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you. For everything.” 

“Not a problem, man. Glad to help,” he said, before adding, “And there's more where that came from!” 

Cancer led Suicide away and Syphilis laughed as he heard, “Don't let go of me until we're clear of here and remember, don't touch anything!”