Lonely

When I die,

I want to be under the starry sky.

Alone by the sea,

Just it and me.

 

Anone to sleep in the night,

Under the bright light.

But to be happy and sad,

Would make the sea glad.

 

With my very close friend the sea,

just it and me.

Reviews

[Litzsky]

me too...:)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

When I die, I want to be under a starry sky, alone by the sea, just the sand, the rolling blue and me.
As the rising tide comes to claim my corpse I shall become a silent note in the ocean's voice.
And every crashing wave that is cast upon the stones becomes a part of me, never again, alone..........

Just messing around, liked the way it led off, real pretty.

[FoolsGold23]

laconic, a tad, but well crafted, rhyme scheme is a little dry, maybe could soup it up a bit? That'd be my only critique, I like the idea of making the sea glad, if we could, that would be a grand thing.

[Rachel Cooper]

I really like this. It's simple yet powerful.