The little cube

My first time writing a little story. It was quite interesting, a bit different from writing poems ^_^

Once upon a time, there was a little girl.  

She had nothing special but an empty little cube.

She would slowly walk by the river, and although the scenery was magnificent, she didn't seem to enjoy it.

She looked lifeless; through her eyes, emptiness and chaos could be perceived. 

She held the little cube, tightly against her chest, and after a while, she would sit by the water and stare at the little cube with great sadness. 

Everyday, the same routine was repeated. 

But one morning, something appeared through the bushes. 

Surprised, the little girl lifted her head. It was a lovely bird. 

She stared at it for some time, until the bird came closer and talked to her. 

She was surprised that such a charming creature would get close to her. 

The bird asked her if it could join her on her everyday strolls?  

The little girl was astonished that not only the bird would talk to her, but it even asked her to accompany her during her boring everyday walks. 

A bunch of emotions built up inside her. She felt a little skeptical, but happy to finally have some company, so she accepted the offer.

As she would spend more and more time with the bird, the little cube that was once empty was starting to show some light. And the little girl that was once lifeless and empty, was finally showing signs of life.  

They would leisure by the water everyday, joking, laughing, looking at the beautiful scenery, and sharing stories of their past. 

The bird gave her wings so she could also fly along with it. She felt as if she was in heaven. 

The gorgeous scenery was even lovelier from the sky and she could finally enjoy it.  

One day the bird took the cube from her. 

She was so happy enjoying the sight that she didn't even realize it. 

But once the bird had stolen the cube, it started to make his presence more scarce, and the little girl started to feel empty again. 

Every time the bird would appear, she would feel bliss and her little cube would shine brightly.  

Then the bird would disappear once again taking the bright little cube with him. 

But day after day, the emptiness would grow bigger and the short appearances of the bird weren't enough anymore to make the little cube shine.  

Instead of flying high in the sky, the little girl started her lonely walks, once again.  

But now she had nothing to hold on to, she had lost the only thing she had, her empty little cube.  

One day the bird came back and there she saw her little cube; but it wasn't only empty, it was also cracked. 

She took it back with teary eyes and walked away. 

But once she tried to hold it tightly as she used to, it broke into tiny pieces that fell into the river. 

Without thinking she jumped right after them, trying to grasp them, but the current of the water was too strong. 

 She tried to swim against it with all her might, but it was in vain, she couldn't fight against it. 

The bird just watched her vanished into the distance, turned his back and flew away; while the little girl just drowned into deep loneliness once again. 

 The end

Reviews

[barleygirl]

For a "first story" this is amazing! This allegory is sweet & pure & gracefully stated. Your inherent lessons brought to mind everything from giving away one's heart/love/virginity/trust . . . to the way we can cling to something from the past, things which always get damaged along the way of life, & how such an event can destroy some people deeply. You've used metaphors thru-out which are woven together well. Great job!

[Sweet]

Thanks you very much for reading my story Barley ^_^
I find your thoughts very interesting and spot-on.
What made this story "easy" for me to write, is because all I did was to inspire myself from life's events and image it.I always wrote only poems, which I don't really consider stories, and felt like writing a little fiction instead, more like a fable, with some sort of moral tale in it.
I would like for my next story to be a fiction, based purely on my imagination, and that's going to be way more challenging for me.

[barleygirl]

I find true stories much easier than fiction, too . . . good luck on your next story!

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad story written.
"She tried to swim against it with all her might, but it was in vain, she couldn't fight against it.
The bird just watched her vanished into the distance, turned his back and flew away; while the little girl just drowned into deep loneliness once again. "
I like the honest tone of the story and the sad ending left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[PhoenixDown]

Thank you for writing this. It sheds light on a very common, silent-crime.
Good job for your first.

PD

[Sweet]

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and sharing your thoughts ^_^

[PhoenixDown]

No problem!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Whoa, this is interesting. You had me caring for this little girl from the very beginning. Though i didn't know what was so special about the cube, i knew it meant a lot to her and that was enough for me. In fact i really think it's better for it to mean a lot to her, than to know it's, market value, i guess you could say. The first thing i thought of when i read how the bird approached her with words, was the serpent talking to Eve, in the Bible. Though i suspected a similar outcome with your story, i shunned the thought when i read how happy she was to have a bird friend, and even his gift of wings to her, which by the way, i thought was a very nice touch for a bird to give her wings to fly. I never thought of a bird having some extra wings around somewhere. It made me smile, i admire your imagination. The sad ending left me sad for the little girl.

Amazing write!
Keep up the great work!

[Sweet]

Your review made me laugh and smile ^_^ thank you very much Cyprian.
I found it very interesting how you compared the bird to the serpent in the Bible.
This story has a lot of meaning to me and I could just reveal it all but at the same time I find it fascinating to read people's interpretation of it.
The sad ending... It was though... Even for me but I guess that way it gives more meaning to the story.
And yeah the extra pair of wings... I can have a wild imagination sometimes XD they have a meaning though (I'm not just crazy throwing random stuff in the story =P )

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Never crazy, just imaginative! But it's amazing that the wings have a meaning to them.

read moreNever crazy, just imaginative! But it's amazing that the wings have a meaning to them.

The first thing that came to mind when i read the cube, was the cube spoken of in Transformers movie. But i'm sure that's not what you were thinking of lol.

There must be a heart trenching story behind this.

[Sweet]

lol yes. The whole story was inspired from life events:

At first the little girl is lonely with her empty cube (heart). The cube is empty from past deceptions and mishaps in life. But one day the bird appears (someone special in our lives).
The bird changes the girl's routine and brings refreshment to her life. Spending time with the bird fills the cube with light (happiness, love...).
The bird gives wings to the girl (like Red Bull... jk =P ) the wings (hopes and dreams surging from their relationship) make her see the world in a different way, that's why she is now able to enjoy that scenery she couldn't appreciate before.
The bird notices the beauty of the cube and steals it, but after that he makes his presence scarce (not being there for her as much anymore) and the girl starts feeling lonely again, even worse than before. When the girl takes back the cube it is cracked, because the bird didn't take good care of it and it breaks into pieces (broken heart from the end of their relationship).
The girl tries to collect her broken cube from the water, but is being taken by the current (of life), that keeps going despite her struggle and suffering. In her pain, she drowns in sorrow. The bird just flies away (the person we care so much for, but they just leave us in our misery and continue their lives as if nothing had happened).

Sorry this was a bit long, I tried to make it short.
Hope it makes more sense now ^_^

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

It does make more sense. Thank you. The story is real, relevant to so many. Sorry for your bad experiences.

[Sweet]

Thanks. It's alright ^_^ what's important it's to grow from them and take the positive out of every situation to better ourselves.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Affirmative! Well said!

[AliciaB]

This is a sad story. It's an interesting perspective on sorrow, loneliness, and disappointment, which are things that we all experience sometime in our lives. I wasn't sure about the significance of the bird and the cube at first. When the bird first came, I was hopeful that this would end up to be a positive story, and that the little girl would find joy and healing from her experiences with her new friend. But then came the twist of the bird taking away the cube, which, rather than relieving the girl of her dependence on it, drove her into even deeper pain and despair. However, while this ending is sad, it adds greater meaning to the story. This piece is a reflection of how things of this world, and even people (sometimes especially people), are often disappointments, not living up to our expectations and hopes and leaving us empty inside. You have characterized this experience in a unique and interesting manner through this piece. Nice work!

[Sweet]

Thank you for reviewing the story ^_^
Yes, sometimes the people that we allow deep into our hearts are the ones that hurt/disappoint us the most; I wanted to show that aspect in the story.

[TheRaven]

This is not bad for a first time short story! I'm a fan of simply written short stories like this, reminds me of the tight writing I've seen from other stories like it but reflect on much larger and deeper themes. You cover a lot of things here. Happiness, loneliness, love, heartbreak. I also feel like you cover the important topic of a heart encapsulated by the little cube. It's empty and just her little cube, nothing special; but she doesn't understand that what is special is her. A bird comes along, perhaps a representation of a friend/father/mother/lover and fills their cube/heart with love and joy. But, as life goes, things come and go. Even happiness has an expiration date, but that little girl needs to learn to grow her own wings one day and not rely on someone else to give them to her. Some sentences here and there could be fixed, and certain themes were too on-the-nose and could have been stronger if they were kept veiled strictly by the nature of the story itself. Good work!

[Sweet]

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. I find your review very constructive and helpful to me.
I love how you were able to seize the meaning of the story and the little cube.
I'll take in consideration your remarks and keep work hard to improve myself ^_^

[Tamika]

I really, really like this!!! You have done an excellent job. Initially I thought it was going to have a happy ending, and the middle was so sweet. I loved how the little girl got wings and was able to fly because I always imagined of flying with the birds as a young girl. I like how you didn't drag on with this, I often come across stories on here that are far too long for me to keep my attention to. While I was reading this poem I was trying to work out what the cube was. For me what the cube was, was the little girls problems. I find that the cube in this story is the heartache that we so often hold on to that it eventually drowns us in sadness. This story is intriguing, and although written in a very basic way, like a child's story, it is so deep and relates to larger, and more mature issues. Oh and I can't remember if I've said it already because I'm incredibly tired but I really like how you didn't make the ending happy. For me I find that too original and cheesy. Such a good story! You've done a really good job. I want to try and write stories but every time I try to I lose track with where I'm going and end up deleting the whole lot. I guess I'll get there one day, and in the meantime I always have poetry!

[Sweet]

Hello Tamika ^_^
Thank you so much for your review.
I really appreciate your comments and thoughts about the story.
I wanted it to be simple although it holds very deep meanings.
To write this story I sought inspiration from relationships, their beauty and their issues. How much happiness they can bring and how devastating they can be once they end.
I wanted the story to be like a fable, a moral tale that teaches us a lesson.
I like how you tried to make sense of the different aspects of the story and what the cube was supposed to be.
You really should try to write a story. You have done a pretty good job with your poems, I'm pretty sure you'd write great stories too.

[Tamika]

That's what I gathered from it!!! You did a great job! And it reminded me of a fable! Thank you, I'll try one day!