Heartache

When I wake up and look around 

My aching heart locked to the ground 

I raise my head with teary eyes 

Surrounded by fear due to your lies 

Although you share with me your beauty 

I fail to fulfill my assigned duty 

You are my strength, also my weakness 

You toy with me and teach me meekness 

You turn my world into a dream 

Walking along a lovely stream 

Once I wake up I realize 

The nightmare starts, the beauty dies 

Despite the sadness and the pain 

I won't give up, I'll break this chain 

I know one day I will be free 

And I will soar and dwell in glee

Reviews

[Elmarie]

I see a strength in this poem from the one being deceived and I feel they will break the chain and be free. Your poem brings across this strong theme of pain and sorrow, but underneath it all lies this bright person ready to discover themselves again. Sometimes we lose our identity in a relationship always looking out for the other and the scales are not in balance. It is painful to change but that we must. A well written piece.

Blessings

El

[Sweet]

Thank you very much for your comments. I agree with what you say, change can be quite painful, but sometimes we have no choice than to go through that difficult process.

[barleygirl]

I like your strong message of self-determination here. I like that you admit to being lured into situations that dilute your essence, as we all do. Your spirit is strong, but still humble, in this declaration. I really relate to this message & I like the way you use various examples of how life can be, before you settle on the ultimate goal for one's life, hopefully.

The rhyming is mostly good, altho I prefer a more sophisticated rhyme such as "weakness/meekness" more than the simple "free/glee" . . . the more you practice, the better you will get at making the rhymes sound very natural, not like they're sometimes chosen to fit the structure of the poem.

[Sweet]

Hey Barley. Thank you for reviewing my poem and helpful comments. I'll keep practice to get better ^_^

[Teja]

Nicely written. Good rhythm and rhyming.
Many can relate to this.

[iamshadowine]

amazing composition! lovely job! keep writing :D

[Sweet]

Thank you for the kind words, they definitely motivate me to keep writing and improve myself ^_^

[That Guy]

Like the flow and honest feelings through the
passage of your pros! keep the pen fresh with ink.

[Sweet]

Thank you ^_^ glad you liked it.
Heartache is a pain, but I tried to turn it into something useful by writing. It helps to vent and see the situation in a different perspective.

[That Guy]

You are welcomed! Love the sweetest joy and awretched misery.

[Sweet]

So true. Love is beautiful and wonderful but sometimes our flawed nature destroys its beauty.

[Tamika]

This is wonderful. I can relate to this one a lot.

[Sweet]

Thank you Tamika ^_^
Yes, sadly we all experience heartache at some point in our lives.