Don't need to be saved

It's allright, she says.

Take your mind off the real and pretend its not there. There's nothing to worry about, not if you live in your own head. Not if you pretend to be someone else and live that life, never your own.

Never your own.

Is it true what they say? That intelligence is an illusion and we'll never know the basis of sex? That race is just a conspiracy to separate us all? Is it right? Is it fair?

Two shots of whiskey please, no chaser.

What's this? A new sensation. I think my feet will carry me away, but where will they go? Maybe to a new friend, one who is inviting and friendly. One who will laugh to fill the silence. Maybe to a new love, one who will hold my hand, or put his on the small of my back to hold me up when I stumble.

No. I've passed all the people.

Don't worry about it, she says. We'll make it through this. This is just a change, not the end.  Not the end of you and me.

But that's just what she says out loud.The inside is different. That's what she says, but something is ending,and something is beggining. She will take him. The man who claimed to love me, but really used me as a telescope in which to bring the vision of her closer to him. We won't be friends. They'll be happy. I'll keep walking....

Maybe I'll find refuge on a different bench, under awindow where the wind blows through, lifts my hair and cools my face.

No. I've passed all the windows, and all the chairs.

There is a door. I must open it. This is where the wind is coming from, the outiside, the change in altitude. The vicious breeze. And when I balance my weight on the top of the marble railing with a eight inch ledge, the wind sways me so much that if I change my mind, the deed will be done for me, by nature.

I close my eyes.

Just breathe. She said. As if she hadn't just ruined my life. As if she never lied. As if she hadn't taken away everything I lived for.

I'll breathe. In, the crisp wind, out, the red hot gales inside of me.

I fall.

They say you'll die before you hit the pavement.