Rain

He lies on his side

arms wrapped tightly around firm pillows

pressing his fingers into the sides

trying to feel a pulse

he knows she's miles away

but he can still feel her heartbeat 

surging through his veins

up through his brain the blood whistles

soft, warm, wet

thoughts like rainclouds

he waits for the rain

to take into his lungs the refreshing downpour

that is her love

he's been waiting months 

impatiently checking the days off his calendar

waiting for the day he can put on his rain-boots 

embrace her soaking wet

feel the 

                                                                pitter patter

pitter patter

          pitter patter 

of her heart

he sets his alarm clock daily 

waiting for the day 

she'll finally replace his pillow

Reviews

[Sage Gabrielle]

I don't know why, but it reminds me of Shinji Moon's "Cherry Blossoms."

"Skeletal. Moonless.
So heavy from the
rain."

Idk, man. It strikes such a chord in me. Love's a heavy and powerful emotion. There's a chemical reaction going on in your brain convincing you of so many things despite the accumulating evidence to the contrary. It's amazing.

This poem is snazzy. :)

[Melanie Genevieve]

lol I've never gotten 'snazzy' before heehee thanks sage! lol I feel like you sending me random poetry is inspiring me writing more poetry lol. This website too. reading everyone's stuff makes me wanna write 24/7 lol. Glad you enjoyed :D maow

[Dutch Jr.]

Nice, very nice. Writing from a guy's perspective was also a really good idea as well. Yeah, that's right people, guys have feelings too. And it sucks to lose that special someone to distance, I've been there. Anyway, more metaphors - which seems to be your bread and butter in your poetry - at work here and they actually pull the poem together quite nicely in this one.

We often think of rain as a gloomy, gray phenomenon on our little blue rock called Earth, but you used it as an engine to push your poem in a direction on longing, yearning, and awaiting. After a drought, a rainstorm is all we can ever hope for. Rainstorms are actually pretty relaxing for me, as long as I have nothing planned to do that day.

Another great poem here, needless to say.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thanks! This is the first time I attempted writing from someone else's perspective & yeah long distance sucks :(

[K.]

wow. this is fantastic.
creates such a wonderful picture.
very nicely done

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thank you!!! & thanks for stopping by :D

[Karen]

I too really like this poem, particularly the metaphor of rain as I love when it rains and it's significance of cleansing, renewal, and refreshing. Beautifully written! Thank you.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thank YOU for stopping by :D I really appreciate it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

another beautifully described poem of long distance love..

he feels her in the rain...i always watch the moon...and know we under the same one...

i like the separation of pitter patter, the way you have those lines falling down like that.

good stuff...

jacob

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thanks! I really love the rain..
and I'm starting to take an interest in playing with different structures. weee!
my very good friend Sage Gabrielle does similar sometimes in her poetry like this http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/babycandlewicks/1205950/
She's on here too. I actually wrote a poem about her lol. 'music is a Sage'
I love getting inspired and learning from reading other people's stuff.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Nice. I really like this. There's beauty and eloquence in it. I like the intimacy that comes from this also. The "pitter patter" was also very well placed.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Thank you :D I really appreciate you stopping by