Cycles

The process of falling down and not caring if you’re eaten by animals but eventually listening to enough Jack Johnson to get yourself psyched up enough to find a bottle of pinot noir and carry on.

I needed you and you were never there.

Let me rephrase that.

I needed you and you were there once, but then every time after that, it was a severe disappointment because you were never there again.

 

You held my hand when we were walking down the street.

One day you kept your hands at your sides.

And when I tried to hook my little finger with yours, you put your hands in your pockets and acted like you had no idea what I was trying to do.

 

We couldn’t keep our bodies off each other.

Especially in public.

But one day you looked at me and I could tell there was nothing left there but a few vapors of what we once had.

 

And I knew it was done.

 

There was a time when I never cried in front of anyone.

Not anymore.

Give me one reason to cry and I will probably find five more and elaborate upon them with overzealous hyperventilation because you were never supposed to make me feel this way.

 

In the natural order of events, I moved to an island.

Literally.

And I decided to go looking for my missing pieces and fill the spaces you took from me without giving anything back.

 

I started climbing mountains and swimming in oceans.

And I fell in love.

But not in the same fashion as before, but more like falling in love with what I hadn’t been doing for the past 3 years.

 

And I knew it was done.

 

I was finished with what you left me with in place of myself.

An empty shell.

So I threw it away and gingerly stepped out wearing nothing but my raw skin which ached and burned as I moved on.

 

But my new skin is growing in quite nicely and with a better complexion.

Thank God.

And now all I think about is when I can get back into the water or back on the mountains so I can stretch my arms out like sunshine and circle the world.

 

Before you wouldn’t even hold my hand or touch my face.

F**k you.

In this cycle I’ve hit the ground and rolled around until I was able to pick myself up and move along, so in the end your stupid games never really worked on me.