Phoenix Chapter Three: Halloween

Chapter Three: Halloween

A couple of weeks later, on a Saturday afternoon, lunch was subs from the place next door, picked up by Gary. 

Ryan unwrapped his sandwich and said, “Me and Rita are meeting up at Marco's after work. Want to come along?” 

“Anyone else meeting you there?” Rogan was suspicious. 

“No, just Rita.” 

“Sure, I'll walk over with you after work.”

Rita greeted them from their usual corner booth, lit by the old Shell gas station sign. A waitress appeared as Rogan slid into the vinyl covered bench seat, next to Ryan. 

“Get us a pitcher and four glasses,” Rita told Ryan. “Dee is coming too.”

“Hey! You said no one else!” Rogan glowered at Ryan. He felt betrayed, being waylaid with another eligible woman like this. 

Ryan put up his hands and said, “Not my fault.”

Rita laughed. “Really, it's not his fault, Rogan. I saw Dee at the shop and asked her along.” Rita worked at a dress shop in the mall. “But you'll like her, Rogan. Smart lady.” 

Dee, when she showed up, turned out to be a short, bubbly blonde. She worked at a beauty shop, giving manicures and pedicures, but she didn’t seem like an airhead. She was, in fact, an aspiring entrepreneur. 

“I want to open my own nail spa, and maybe add tanning booths,” Dee informed him. “You can get small business loans through this government program. I specialize in signature nail systems.” She displayed her own nails, which had tiny black cats on each one. “I did Rita's, too.” Rita had orange and black stripes on her fingernails. It was the day before Halloween, and he supposed that explained the nail art theme. She took Rogan's hand in hers and clucked. 

“Your hands are a mess. What do you do to get them so dirty?”

“I work at Midas. Mechanics is dirty work.”

“Ryan keeps his hands clean,” Dee protested.

Ryan looked a little uncomfortable at this observation.

“Yeah, he stays nice and clean in the office, shuffling papers. I have to change oil and rotate tires and work on brakes.” 

Dee appeared unimpressed by this. Talk moved on and Rita mentioned her and Ryan's Halloween party. Rogan waited to see what Dee said. He didn't want to be roped in again. Dee was nice, but she was not his type. 

“I'm sorry, Rita. I'm already going to Benny's party,” Dee said. 

Feeling the coast was clear, Rogan accepted Rita's invitation. With Claire gone and his high school buddies dispersed, he was happy to have someone to hang with this holiday. 

 

***

Once arrived, Rogan was unsure if going to Ryan and Rita's party was such a good idea. He was not particularly good at being anything but Rogan, so without a costume, he felt out of place here. The popular tripe playing on the stereo wasn't really Rogan's style either.

“Hey, that's a great costume!” Rita was introducing Rogan to another guest. She was a sexy nurse named Kirsten, a long legged blonde. Rogan looked down at his motorcycle jacket, Megadeth t-shirt, black jeans, and heavy leather boots.  

Rita beamed and told Kirsten, “That's no costume, he's the real deal.” 

Kirsten looked even more interested. “Are you in a band?” She had one hand on his leather jacketed arm and was leaning close to be heard over the music. 

Rita had evaporated and Rogan was left with Kirsten. 

“No,” Rogan said. Back before his summer with Claire, he took advantage of the whole bad boy appeal to score with girls. And why not again? He was a bachelor, no girlfriend tying him down. 

“But you play the guitar?”

Rogan admitted he did. 

“And you're a mechanic, too? You must be really good with your hands.” She was practically purring in his ear now. 

“Let's get another beer, Kirsten. We can talk better on the patio.”

Rogan let Kirsten lead the way. Out on the patio, they grabbed a couple of beers from the cooler. Rogan gestured toward the glider, tucked under the shadow of a camphor tree.  

The way Kirsten snuggled up to him, he thought he might get lucky tonight. He put his arm around her. “What sort of services does Nurse Kirsten provide?”

“I can check your pulse, Mr. Rogan.” She pressed two fingers against his neck. “Hmm, I don’t know, let me see if I can find a heartbeat.” She slid her hand in his jacket, caressing his chest.

“What do you think, will I survive?”

In answer, she kissed him. 

When they paused, he asked, “What's your verdict? Alive?”

“Oh, I'm not sure,” she murmured. “I think we need to go back to my place to make certain. This could be a serious condition.” 

“Lead the way, Nurse, I'm in your hands.”

***

 

In the soft light of the dimmed torchiere lamp in Kirsten's bedroom, Kirsten lay curled on her side. Rogan watched her sleep. Her chest rose and fell with her breath. What a knock out she was, curves in all the right places. And a real wild cat in bed. Eventually he slipped out of bed and dressed silently. 

He stroked her arm. “Sweetheart.”  

She turned a little, said “Mmm?”

“Work tomorrow, gotta take off.” 

She sleepily mumbled, “Ok, baby.”

He kissed her temple and made his way to the living room, quietly stepping out into the apartment hallway. He made sure the door locked after him.

***

Rita was pissed. 

“Why aren't you answering Kirsten's calls?” They were sitting in their usual booth at Marco's.  

“Rita, I never even gave her my number. You did.”

“How can you treat her like this?”

“Hey, it was her idea. She seemed pretty, umm, uninterested in conversation at the time.” 

“So you love them and leave them?”

“Look, you're the one always pushing these women at me.” He was getting angry too. “All of this would be unnecessary if you just hadn't given her my number.”

“Rogan,” Ryan intervened, “you need to tell her you're not interested. That's all. Don't just ignore her.”

“Stop being such a s**t,” Rita threw in. 

“OK, OK, I'll tell her I misunderstood her intentions.”

“And apologize,” Rita insisted. 

Rogan opened his mouth to protest, but caught Ryan's look.“Yes, I'll apologize, too.” Was one night really worth all this?

Once home from the pizzeria, Blue Öyster Cult on the stereo, Rogan thought about Ryan and Rita. He liked Ryan and Rita. They were great people and good friends, but he shared no simpatico with them. Unlike his high school friends. Most of them moved away after graduation and now he had no one to share his music with. 

His thoughts turned to all of Rita's friends he'd met. They were all blonde and uninteresting. Nothing wrong with them, but no spice. When he thought about it, he wanted someone with a passion he could relate to, not pedicures or clothes or vacation packages. He was not sure what he wanted, but it certainly wasn’t Kirsten or Dee or any of the other women he'd met. He dwelled on this for a while, then thought back to Allison and the accident. 

He got down the picture from their trip to Lake Michigan, all four of them on a pier at sunset, and looked at it. Andy and Allison were now in their senior year. He supposed they were still together. His mind wandered back to the night he spent watching over her. How was she different from the string of blondes Rita had paraded for him? She had a passion he could relate to, he understood perfecting one’s art. But what was it that made him have such a strong reaction to her? Her sleepy smile and warm skin ambushed him. He had never had anyone trust him with their life before.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Any and all comments welcome.

Reviews

[MoonlitWillow]

With each chapter, Rogan’s character is more and more rounded. We get to learn about him gradually, which is how I prefer it. Learning about this new facet of his personality was interesting, and it makes him a more flawed and ultimately realistic character. Most of the time, he seems to be trying to do right. Sometimes, he doesn’t, and that’s real. He seems to have built Allison up in his head as an ideal, and I don’t think we’ve learned enough about her as a character to understand why. Hopefully those reasons will be revealed in later chapters.

[SweetNutmeg]

Thank you for your review. I'm very pleased you are interested enough to keep reading. I think I might need to work on Allison a bit. Any feedback on the evolution of her character would be appreciated in further chapters. I have a pernicious tendency to not develop love interests as much as I could.

[wtp]

This chapter is where I start to find Rogan confusing. The one night stand with Kirsten didn't bother me; he was as much prey as predator at that party, and he is clearly lonely. Ghosting her afterwards is a little less gentlemanly, but he doesn't string her along either.

However, you definitely tell us that Rogan is (or has been) a bit of a man-w***e. Two examples:
(1) “Back before his summer with Claire, he took advantage of the whole bad boy appeal to score with girls. And why not again? He was a bachelor, no girlfriend tying him down.”
And
(2) when he is picking up Kristen, he finds "no need for the Rogan moves" .

I am left wondering which Rogan is real: Chapter 1/2 Rogan or Chapter 3?

[SweetNutmeg]

In my mind, Ch. 1/2 Rogan is compatible with Ch. 3 Rogan, but you the reader have problems and if you do, so will others. I could do one of three things... elaborate on his history with Claire vs pre-Claire habits. Or I could throw away that aspect of his history/personality entirely. Or even further, I could cut this whole chapter out. They say Kill your darlings and I don't want to hang on to something that doesn't work just because I had fun creating it and developed an attachment to it.

[wtp]

Please don't cut the chapter out because of my comments! I thought it was very well done. Perhaps what I am looking for is a little more clarity on Rogan's trajectory on this character attribute. As you noted, delineating his Claire versus pre-Claire habits...

I have been thinking that Phoenix refers to the metamorphous that Rogan is experiencing in three ways - rising from the ashes of (1) a dysfunctional family, (2) a relationship that meant something but ended too soon (with Claire), and (3) implosion of his band. At the end he emerges stronger and better, but his evolution with respect to family and the band seem clearer than his evolution with respect to relationships...

Perhaps I am reading too much into it, and that aspect is less important than I wanted it to be...

[Christoph]

I'll be pretty surprised if Rogan doesn't end up wooing Rita away from Ryan at some point, and ghosting her the way he seems to do as a defensive reflex.

I also just now realized all of their names start with R.

But Allison is the girl for my guy Rogan. He knows it, and I'm rooting for him to get there.

Maybe he doesn't realize that's why he can't connect with anyone else.

Anyway. Good read, progressing nicely.

I did notice a trend in this chapter toward ten dollar words. Definitely not a big deal, not "purple prose", but it's generally a good idea to avoid them when you can. Unless you're really going for poetic effect.

[SweetNutmeg]

Hmm, ten dollar words? I suppose so. Not to brag or anything, but I have a huge vocabulary and use it on a daily basis in normal speech. So I would not notice it in my writing. I guess "ostensibly" would be a ten dollar word? I'd appreciate it if you'd mention it if my ten dollar words get out of hand. Having Rogan think in ridiculously obscure words would be out of place.

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and thank you for your honest feedback. I appreciate the time you put into this.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

This is a review for the latest edit, and it will mostly be about the format and some little nitpicks.

1. Up to “How can you treat her like this?” there are no spaces between each paragraph which is inconsistent with the last few paragraphs.

2. In the first sentence of the last paragraph, "...Rogan thinks about Ryan..." there are two spaces between "thinks" and "about."

3. Now that we're talking about the last paragraph, I'm going to put in my two cents. Now that more content was added, it looks like it can be divided into a couple of shorter paragraphs. Perhaps before "They've all been blonde...," "He dwells on this for a while...," and/or "His mind wanders back to..." But this is all from a person with a short span of attention. Big blocks of text are the bane of my existence (which is also why I often divide my own writing into small bite-sized paragraphs and fill it with more dialogue than narration, but we're not here to talk about that). Anyway, as I say, this is just something for you to think about.

[SweetNutmeg]

Thank you again, catching that annoying formatting error. I also divided up the wall of text into smaller, bite sized pieces.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

The way you divided them up is much better than the way I did in my head, which makes total sense because you're the author. Haha

[Samuel Dickens]

It sure looks to me like Rogan really only has eyes for one girl. And with her taken, what a dilemma!
I've noticed that a few of your commas are misplaced or missing. Here is an example. You wrote "The head mechanic Gary shouts, over the sound of air tools..." Here is how it should be written: "The head mechanic, Gary, shouts over the sound of air tools..." Another thing is "tell" instead of "show". Another example: " Look you're the one always pushing these women at me.” He's getting angry too." Consider leaving off the "He's getting angry, too." and letting his speech or mannerisms convey the anger. Also, there should be a dash or semi-colon after "Look". (I'm a bit weak on those usages, myself)

[SweetNutmeg]

Oh my, you have brought up two of my (many) problem areas. Commas are a nightmare to me. I will go back and inspect this chapter for obvious comma mistakes, but it's hard to find them if I don't know they are wrong! That's what I find so nightmarish about them. My grammar instruction was nonexistent in my impoverished inner city schooling. Gah.

And showing! I need to try harder. In my haste to put down my ideas and images and feelings, I neglect to think things out carefully, and consider things like show vs. tell. But one can always go back and alter things. There's always revision.

Thank you for your ever helpful feedback. I appreciate the time and effort you put into this critique.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

This is a huge line I'm gonna step on, but what's the worst that could happen?

Me: Geez, Rogan. Fine, at least the nurse was showing signs that she was also interested.
Also me: GEEZ RITA. YOU PLAY MATCHMAKER, GIVES PEOPLE'S PHONE NUMBER AWAY WITHOUT ASKING THEM FIRST, AND THEN HIGHKEY ASKS ROGAN TO APOLOGIZE?! EVER HEARD OF THE WORD CONSENT?! Also, GEEZ ROGAN, I don't like Rita, but I agree with her. AT LEAST LET THE NURSE KNOW YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED.

Okay. To sum up, this chapter made me feel many different things which is a compliment in itself. It also kind of triggered my poly and consent-is-not-the-absence-of-a-no-it-is-the-presence-of-a-yes button.

In any case, reading your writing over morning coffee (like today) is something I can see myself enjoy. Keep up the good work!

P.S. But don't put pressure on yourself. I know "keep up the good work" can put a lot of pressure on someone, speaking as a straight-A-student.

[SweetNutmeg]

Yeah, Rogan can be a s**t, as Rita pointed out. He's maybe got some things to learn he didn't get at home. He's only 18, and his father was no role model. But we'll see how things unfold.

Thank you for the time and effort you have invested in this chapter. It is much appreciated. As is your utterly honest approach. I like to hear what people are really thinking, not empty praise. (Unlike many on here who use this as an echo chamber of mutual ego stroking. I like my ego stroked as much as anybody else, but not to the point of being lied to.)

[Wathanya.5KY3]

That's true. From what I've read, it seems like a spurt of character growth (I'm looking at you Rogan) is coming in the future.

I'm glad you're finding my reviews honest and constructive. I believe that there is a sweet spot where praise and constructive criticism can be well-balanced, though I'm struggling to find that balance myself.

[Shep]

Rogan still playing the field and trying to decide what he wants could be lead to an interesting dilemma, where will lead, how many girls? how many mistakes will it take to find the right one? I can't wait to find out. Please let me know when you have more for me to read,

[SweetNutmeg]

Thank you, thank you, again and again. I am in the middle of writing this, so it might be a day or two. I must say, I am as curious as you are. I will definitely let you know when I put up the next chapter.