Memoir For The Day

There are times when you just wanna figure out how emotions can be so conflicting

I was never true to myself that's a reality, but I never knew how to deal with it

I'm always seeking answers without ever knowing the questions

I put a barricade around my heart, I never let people enter in

I spit words I should never had, I made promises without cautions

I know how to say sorry but never knew the meaning of it

I know how to be loved but never feel it

I am a despicable lady, I push people away

I was nice but I'm never certain if that was really me

I made people hate me, and made myself unforgivable

And I can never blame them for it

What was I thinking? Maybe I never think about it

Now, I made myself hate me more that I hated anyone else

Because I did not just hurt the people I love

But the people who loves me

Now, I'm feeling the wrath of their judgement

and I'm well aware it will last forever

I'm ready to accept that and suffer for it

But still I want to thank you for those who did not give up and will not give up on me even if I gave up on myself