Chapter One

The new year has brought more emotions and pain. Losing a love one, gaining a friend, an opportunity to find a better love. But love can hit you when u least expect it or when you're not even looking. While you are getting over an aching heart, someone wonderful appears out of nowhere and come in your life and they then show the light again. Even there are times when you into the past, missing how things once were but the past can never be the present. The love even I have a love now, I am scared to move forward and I am stuck with these feelings and that mistakes that I have made has me at a stand still.

The love I have found has been hidden from many eyes even my own. I am afraid of what others might think or say. I am also afraid of making the same mistakes again. Although I have this love, I am being chased after but I don't want to break any hearts but still when I say no, I am still breaking hearts for not giving them a chance. What is a chance anyway? According to Goggle, the definition of chance a possibility of something happening. So what exactly can happen? A chance of another broken heart. a chance to find love, a chance to gain a friend, a chance to find happiness or a chance to be a better person? No one really knows. Chance can be scientifically explained and created. Even us as mere humans can create chances but depends on the person when to create the chance and make the decision whether or not to take it.

The mistakes I have made are too many to count. There is saying," You learn from your mistakes" but I guess that doesn't apply to me cause here I am making or have made yet another mistake. Yet again my heart has overruled my head or is it lust or desire that has won this battle. I have done something stupid once again. The lust and desire was stronger than my heart and mind combined. How is that even possible? I had always that thought that love was the strongest human emotion but can lust be counted as an emotion or is it a feeling?

Google's definition of lust is a very strong desire. Desire means a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. So that means that it's a feeling, but isn't feeling and emotion the same? Why even bother trying to figure it out? It won't change anything. The deed has been done and the mistake has been made. Just wished I knew what the future holds for me now I am here. Maybe some of you are like me, feeling guilty and terrible for what has been done. I have lost my way from the love that I barely even started. 

Secrets is something we all have. When you start a new relationship, don't you hide the past you don't want them to know. You want them see the person you are now not the one that they might not be with if they knew the past you. We always keep secrets cause we don't want to hurt others but its really ourselves we are hurting and we are the ones who gets hurts the most with the secrets finally comes out. Living with secrets can leave your heart very heavy. There is a saying " The truth will always set you free" , but sometimes the truth not only sets you free from your guilt but it frees you the ones you want to hold close. That's more pain than any of us wants to bare. At times the truth can be scary, so scary in fact that some people might even die from the truth. Hiding the truth that you are afraid to share cause you don't want to lose the love that you longed for.

Losing a love that you thought that you would never find again would send anyone into a place that no one want to see especially me. This place is dark, cold and lonely. There's no end to the darkness and it draws you in like quick sand and the more you fight the quicker you sink. Me, I have been there many times before, too many that I don't want to ever go back. When you go to that place, you tend to lose places of yourself in the darkness. When you do finally get back on your feet, you realize that things about yourself are not the same. It tends to get the worse the longer the relationship. The longer the relationship the more the break up hurts and this makes you stay longer in the dark place. I call it " The Break Up Zone". This place holds you as long as it can cause it knows the pain in your heart and feed off the angry and hate you have the person who broke your heart.

There is two ways to get out The Break Up Zone. 

1. It will let you go on its own when you stop fight it and you have made the decision to get revenge on the person who broke your heart. It would full your mind with negative thoughts on how to get revenge or it may trick you in thinking that it was your fault that the relationship ended. It will might even go so far as to make you attempt or even take your life.

2. This one is best choice that you have. You can fight to be a better person. You can prove to yourself that you deserve and that you will do better. You have love yourself to make it out with your soul and pride intact.

But you must know that The Break Up Zone exist in each and everyone of us. It was created as soon as your heart was broken. It exist as a place where we can run away to. To hide from the pain and the disappointed eyes. It will still be there as long as you don't find a way to move on and learn with the past heart breaks. There some people like me who don't always call it The Break Up Zone, it has many names but all of them have one thing in common and that is that its a place where we can run away an hide from the things that we are not ready to face.

Author's Note

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