All Black Everything

A guide through my relapse and struggle.

In and out of the walls, ive heard hes right behind me, cant see him lurking, cant hear him breathing. Never knowing truth from deception. My minds constant misconception of how its got to be. What I can and cant see. A simple outing but the deadliest catch. His hands around my throat guiding me forward to break my neck. Thats exactly what was done, led me to relapse as if it were fun. Ive said I was done. Ive said I was done. When the time came I was the one holding the gun, to my brain the smoke did come . All black, all black every thing, my head twisted and spun, I forgot the words "I'm f*****g done". Until it was gone. I couldve gone with it . my heart could have just quit. Now I regret it, now I regret it. A knife to my back held by the shadow of my past. A vice I thought I'd forgot. In its web I was trapped and caught. Now I hit the restart faster than most I got a second chance, keep looking over my shoulder, with the devil I did dance. Stay away from me stay away from me just let me be let me be. My consious mind it doesn't dream. The nightmares plague my sleep in which I'm drowning in the deep. Pulling myself out of the sea with the light left in me. Send me to peaceful sleep, help me dream with serenity. Help me accept the things I cannot change and cut the wires to reareange everything inside my brain that's held me down for quite some time, show me something give me a sign. That ill be alright, that'll let me dream at night. A constant fight to find this light, a constant fight for my life .

Author's Note

Ignore grammer problems please. I start writing and dont stop until its complete. Just trying to reach out and be heard.