FIRE

Wearing my "heart on my sleeve".

Tonight,

reflecting,

my eyes are dark, devoted

devoid of sleep.

desire, like a bomb waiting...

trapped, twisting

in your asylum of arms.

Stumbled,

from the silence

unseen, my skin shredded

the sting of a thousand papercuts

just speak, baby

with your voice of salt

no need to pull the skin back

I'm wearing vital organs on my sleeve.

 

Yesterday,

flickering,

just a silver star, you were

fever, freedom but now

forever,

you're my sky.

Blistering, broken

I've become this machine

designed

to dream only of you.

Destroyed, my deep thoughts

memories drown and die in you

because I discovered

you're the perfect size for shelter

burning, you're the perfect fire

the perfect fit, just for me...

Reviews

[Raja]

So eloquent and Fresh!

I love the starting with 'reflecting' and then new new stanza with 'flickering' ways...

Several lines are awesome. I mean those are evergreen such as -

"I'm wearing vital organs on my sleeve."

"you were

fever, freedom but now

forever,

you're my sky."

"burning, you're the perfect fire"

The expression through words is clear and perfect to tame readers' attentions.

I liked it very much!

Thank You.

Raja.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations on winning the Writing-Cliche contest!

[Marie Anzalone]

You beautifully captured that heady feeling of being consumed by thoughts of the person you are falling for- and laying bare all of your vulnerabilities, all of old wounds coming to the surface- hoping that you will not be rejected this time. It takes a lot of courage to open up to someone you know can hurt you with a single careless word.

I loved the lines "because I discovered/ you're the perfect size for shelter"

This was very well written- the depth of your understanding is apparent in your writing.

[Flo_writer]

This is a little out there in some portions...

"trapped, twisting
in your asylum of arms."

"just speak, baby
with your voice of salt
no need to pull the skin back
I'm wearing vital organs on my sleeve."

Strange choice of words when expressing the emotions of a lover.

I love the sentiment here...

"I've become this machine
designed
to dream only of you."

[Julio Angel Ortiz]

I like this quite a bit. Some great imagery there, such as "desire, like a bomb waiting," and how you undermine a cliche with "no need to pull the skin back / I'm wearing vital organs on my sleeve." Another brilliant set of lines? "I've become this machine / designed / to dream only of you." Awesome. The longing / wanting is wonderfully portrayed. More like this, please.

[Pax Analog]

Tonight,/reflecting,/my eyes are dark, devoted/devoid of sleep./desire, like a bomb waiting.../trapped, twisting/in your asylum of arms."

Powerfully alliterative opening -- you're speakin' my language!

I especially love your embrace of a raw pleasure-pain as shelter! Gutsy, intense.

Bomb, fire, shredded skin, desire, shelter -- smithereens to the old dichotomy of "dangerous desire" and "loving comfort."

"Yesterday,/flickering,/just a silver star, you were/fever, freedom but now/forever,/you're my sky."

You make the offhand turn to a "cooling" overview natural as a breeze caressing hot flesh. Brilliant!

Boldly beautiful poem, boldly beautiful woman.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You certainly do know the way to make a powerful punch through words... very cleaver and emotional... you have a style all you own and it is fantastic.

[Jon Gary Frost]

you have a way with conveying a deep and painful longing.

"thousand papercuts" ......."voice of salt"......"organs on my sleeve" .....All of these are vivid images. Love these.

"your the perfect size for shelter" is my favorite. Not even sure what it means completely, but it just sounds sooo good. Impressionist poetry.

great write!!

[An owl on the moon]

Your brilliant, vivid language just stuns... the thoughts, dancing on a floor of passion and pain, circle and sway around the reader... You words are letters lingering with deep emotion. Amazing work...

[Miles Colella]

I don't write a lot of poetry, but I really enjoyed the imagery and use of language. I really loved the lines "I'm wearing vital organs on my sleeve" and "my skin shredded/the sting of a thousand papercuts." It's well-structured too, helped everything flow better. sorry I can't give any better comments, but I loved the poem. Great Job!