A Sinking Feeling (or Mayday!)

A long time away from here... a lot rusty. Sorry!

Cold river
filled the hollows of my nose,
Sharp water
sprayed the back of my throat,
You released my tiny wrists
and I bounced up,
I got your glance,
your swollen eyes
I kissed your mouth,
your blue patched lips
This was the instant
I fell over you,
The moment
I fell for you,

Cold water
glistened on your white skin,
Sharp river
cradled away our indulgence,
I grabbed you by your feet
and pulled you under
You got my touch
my slippery fingers
You pulled my hair
my flowing crown
This was minute
You destroyed me,
This was the moment
You fell for me

Author's Note

Pretty bad but just something to maybe get the creative juices flowing...

Reviews

[Astro]

It may have been a cleaning of the pipes so to speak, but in your humble words so much can be inferred. This piece has so many lines that can be interpreted differently, to give the poem something new with every reading and by every reader. Don't apologize for effort or, for thinking there is little of value in this piece.
On the one hand it can be read like two people who've fell through the ice, or into cold raging waters. Then it also sounds like a rescue of sorts, perhaps two. Also, the second part in particular can be viewed with a seductive nature with positions and fluids being passed about in a sexual encounter. There is also, a completely different aspect of two people encountering each other and expressing what it was initially that caught the others eye or heart with regards to the other. Furthermore, I think you probably had another idea in mind so, as I said layers upon layers. Very nice.

[Sorry Infamous]

Wow! Thanks for the in depth feedback Astro! I am glad you found so many layers. I'm an onion like Shrek ;)

[Astro]

I'm an A*s like Donkey :P

[Sorry Infamous]

*Laughed out Loud* (since only LOL isn't allowed)

[Astro]

Nothing better than sharing a laugh with a new friend.

[Sorry Infamous]

As long as you say it eloquently. Thanks for the laugh before bed. I am sure you will see much more of me fellow Cunuck!

[Astro]

Hope I do, Miss. Maple.

[Cool Handless Luke]

I am glad you are back Candace. I like the imagery here. The concept behind it and how what you feel about him is portrayed in one light and while him reciprocating lends a totally different feel. Keep coming back and thanks for sharing!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

First off welcome back... I do not believe you missed a beat... love can be a blessing and a curse. Is it harder to love some one or be loved... any ways you returned to the poetic world with a vengeance.