I'm never going to finish this.

It's the longest most recent thing I've written, and it's really old. I gave up on the story, but felt like posting something, so here it is.

It is the 13th the day of the 10th month of the 137th year after the "Great War". It has been almost 10 years since I began my search, and I am no closer to finding her, or even Darc. But when I do find him, I will see if he really is as invincible as everyone says. I have killed him once and he came back to life. I will kill him a million more times if that would bring him closer to his final death. I am traveling through the Berserker Lands on my way... Thruldur raised his gaze from his journal. He turned his head to look back into the woods. It was a small noise, probably just a bird, he thought to himself, but it's wise not to assume anything, especially not when there are barbarian hunting parties wondering these forests. He examined the snow-covered trees that bordered the cliff. Though the sun was still up, the thick trees offered plenty of dark shadows for one to watch from.   Thruldur quickly but calmly put his journal away in his pack. He stood looking into the forest for any sign of something hiding. His horse grew restless a few feet away. All he could see was the trial of his own footprints, and those of his horse, in the snow. The wind picked up blowing his dark brown, almost black from dirt, hair across his face. It covered a scar that crosses between his nose and his left eye.   Thruldur scanned the woods once more, and then turned to face off the cliff, his back to the forest and whatever made that noise. A few seconds later he heard quick hard steps in the snow, and his horse let out a loud nay. Something was charging his way. He turned just in time to catch a wooden club right aimed for his head.   The attacker was a barbarian, dressed brown hide and wielding a wooden club with a steel spike hammered through. Thruldur bent his arm, pulling the club closer to him. The attacker reacted by trying to pull the club back. Thruldur pushed out slamming it into the barbarian's head. The barbarian's skull cracked on contact, and he fell back.   Another barbarian charged at Thruldur, this one swing a rusted war hammer. How he was dressed told Thruldur that he was a probably chief. Poorly braided black hair tied back with a red bandana, white wolf fur, he ether killed the wolf himself or killed the barbarian that killed it, that hung down almost to his knees, the tail hanging down in the back. The skull and lower jaw of the wolf sat on his shoulders with the fangs of both pointing down.   The barbarian charged Thruldur, swinging his hammer violently. Thruldur dodged side to side, eventually turning the barbarian's back to the cliff. Seeing an opening, Thruldur reached for the long sword on his right side, but his hand missed and he grabbed the leather wrapped wooden handle of the short sword under it. The feel of the leather caused memories to surge through his head. He heard the scream of a woman, and saw the image of her dead body, the very sword he is holding sticking out of her chest.   A hard hit on his right shoulder brought him back from his flashback. Thruldur cursed himself for being so careless as he grabbed the long sword and quickly drew it from its sheath. Yet another barbarian charged out from the forest wielding a broken spear, extending it out in front of himself planning to run Thruldur through. Thruldur used the barbarian's momentum against him by dodging to the side, grabbing his arm, and tripping him, making him stab the chieftain. He then kicked the barbarian pushing both closer to the edge of the cliff.   The chieftain struck the other over the head with the hammer in retaliation for being stabbed, then grabbed him by the neck and tossed him over the cliff. The spear that stuck out of his chest didn't seem to slow him down as he swung the hammer at Thruldur with one hand while he struck at him with the other. More sounds of barbarians charging through the forest alerted Thruldur to the urgency of finishing this foe.   Thruldur kept backing away from the attacks waiting for the right moment, when finally the barbarian raised his war hammer high above his head. Thruldur leaned in and quickly dodged to the side and grabbed the barbarian's arm as he swung the hammer. Thruldur kicked the barbarian's leg out from under him as his sliced into his stomach, and turned while throwing the barbarian's arm behind him. This caused the barbarian to spin sideways as he fell forward, the back of his head hitting the ground first.   Thruldur spun around to meet his new foe and was met with a blast of dark energy to the chest that sent him to the ground. Before for he could get up, a barbarian jumped toward Thruldur and swung a club at his head. Thruldur rolled out of the way and thrust his sword into the arm of the barbarian.

Author's Note

It's just a rough draft. I mostly just want reviews on my writing style, since I don't plan on finishing this story.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

Thruldur raised his gaze from his journal. He turned his head to look back into the woods. It was a small noise, probably just a bird, he thought to himself, but it was wise not to assume anything, especially not when there were(tenses) barbarian(barbarian hunting parties is a tad awkward) hunting parties wondering these forests. He examined the snow-covered trees that bordered the cliff. Though the sun was still up, the thick trees(trees twice too close imho) offered plenty of dark shadows for one to watch from.


id play

Thruldur raised his gaze from his journal. He turned his head to look back into the woods. It was a small noise, probably just a bird he thought, but it was wise not to assume anything. Especially when there were hunting parties wondering these forests. He examined the snow-covered trees that bordered the cliff. Though the sun was still up, the thick canopy offered plenty of dark shadows for one to be watched from.


more?

[JJ]

kool good story.

[Hedra Helix]

hmm, I mean are you down for at least partial rewrites to explain what I mean? Old school edits ok?

[Hedra Helix]

Interesting style, very clearly visualized and engaging. What kind of review are you looking for?