DG 17 (10) The Needle 1

In this chapter Domiarn is visited by an alien to offer him much needed drug in exchange for his friendship and cooperation

DG 17 (10) The Needle 1

What are the lessons of earthly life? For example, to understand, that the pain is just the resistance to the incoming information. If we stop resisting the information, we will not be in pain. But that’s the pain of the soul. What about the physical pain? And what if the negative stuff in your soul comes from that?

I had to ask that question to an old, beloved friend.

-                How do I stop feeling sorry for myself, father Relemill?

-                You can’t look back, Domiarn. You can’t feel sorry for yourself in the future �" only in the past and the present. If you need to evaluate your life, make sure that you do not have a filter “everyone always took advantage of me”. A lot of people were insulted or taken advantage of. However some give in to the sweet smell of the bait called “I’m a poor victim of circumstances”, yet others find the connection with your Higher Self, and generate love, not pity.

He sure is persuasive. And he’s got my heart. Linn hugs me goodbye, and walks towards some crying woman, too shy to approach him.

I learned not to hold a grudge when he has no time for me, because he taught me the gist of the grudge. Ever since I do not touch that ugly thing. It is as ancient as it is useless. But there is still something dark in my heart, something I can’t get rid of for now.

It is morning, a very sunny one. The city is busy with its various things. I leave the church, and try my darnest to get distracted from the thought of my drug �" Leot’s neurotoxin. It is not in me, and I’m in pain. Do I think myself to be the victim of circumstances? Yes, seems like it. There are days when I’m ok without the drug. But not today. And no one can see this suffering.

- Someone was in our castle today. Who was it? �" Iris, who was probably stalking me, does not waste his time interrogating me, as he knows that we simply might not have any time.

I love him, and yet I run from him. Why? Because I believe that he does not understand my suffering.

- Do not follow me, and do not ask any questions. �" I walk towards the city hall with determination.

There I have a meeting with Kohande, the commander of my troops. And I need to get rid of my overly protective spouse. But Amaranta, our dear and ever-vigilant friend, appears right in front of me.

- Tisa told me that she saw an intergalactic carrier over the city last night. She classified it as a warship from Coma Berenice Galaxy. For your information �" these are bad news.

Correction. Amaranta, the dear friend and ever-vigilant spy of Iris. Everyone is always on my back. I frown and want to leave.

Baron catches me as I try to walk away, and hugs me right on the street. He is afraid of no one, kissing me in the lips, caressing my hair, wanting to know the truth. People turn their heads in horror. But we don’t care. More precisely, I can’t handle this life anymore. I love this man, but I need the drug.

Iris’s eyes are beautiful, and transparent all the way to the bottom, and they see everything, including the liaisons I’m trying to conceal.

“Don’t try to share this pain with me. Just let me go.” �" I beg.

“ We suspect what is going on. Immaul got a hold of me. He is on our side.” �" Lio holds me tight, full of emotions, and desire to help, all the while realizing, that my addiction is far too advanced for him to handle.

- Lord Gidealis! Oh, I thought I was late! �" A man, who at first rushed past us, comes back and approaches me with a happy smile, fixing the curly hair, that fell on his honest and straightforward face.

- Come on. �"Amaranta pulls baron Lio by his cloak, and then grabs her belly, burning me with a disapproving glance. �" I can’t stand here any longer, my back hurts!

Allright, Kohande is here, and I don’t need to go to the city hall. I ask him, how long will it take to gather three hundred warriors. Oh, give or take a week, he answers. Who are we going to attack, and where are we going, he wants to know. You are not going anywhere, I reply. And not everyone will get back. Sure, like always, the old commander nods.

And then I leave the city, coming out of the northern gate, and go into the forest for a meeting with someone very, very important. The wind dies out, and it is really quiet around. The sand on the road is bright golden, and the sky is as blue as a flax flower. But within me is a bottomless, spinning vortex of black darkness and emptiness. This emptiness cannot be filled with anything. I will have to deal with it before it consumes me, and everything around me.

A fire flashes at the edge of the forest, and disappears quickly. There are people capable of attracting darkness even in the middle of the bright day. I‘m one of these people. And others probably hear, that the door of your soul is ajar, and swings there and back with an unpleasant squeaky sound, revealing darkness within.

I come to the place where the fire flashed, and I’m not surprised to find a tall man. Or, rather, a frozen figure, that comes alive as I approach. It runs there and back and then turns up right in front of me.

Last night he called himself Kallitris. He admitted, that name was the first in the list of trees from Earth he looked at. And he wanted me to know, if I was to fall in love with a man, how should he look like �" the color of his hair, eyes, smell… Why does he need all this?

- I’m not very good with controlling the motions of this body so far… Are you OK with this look? �" Kallitris’s eyes are black ad very expressive, and the voice is quiet, pleasant, and even loving. He has a sweet smell. “The smell of the meadows of my motherland”. Why is he lying to me? I want to see these meadows in the atmosphere without water.

I nod and smile, leaning against a tree nearby. I am about to pass out without a drug. This is what I’m here for. I’ll do anything he asks of me, if he gives me the drug. He does not need to be pleasant, he just needs to ease my suffering.

Immaul would not let me commit suicide, Iris would not let me help those who want to commit suicide. So I can’t engage into anything, that makes it easier for me. They say �" oh, where is your willpower.  I don’t have any. That’s why I’m with this alien right now.

-                Allright, let’s see what you need… You asked for “neurotoxin”, well, my boy, it’s the same as to ask for a “flower”. What kind of flower? There are millions of them. �" The man touches my skin with some device, and then talks to another device on his shoulder:

-                Ir, I need you to synthesize (a stream of sounds I can’t understand) based on amino acid that does not contain protein. Yeah, I’m surprised too. How little we know about sians, right? There. We can go now. �" He smiles at me, and all I hear is loud whistling. It drowns out the sounds of the forest.

Next thing I know �" we’re on a spaceship. I’m sitting on the floor, and there is ghostly mist around, with shadows moving there and back. I’m not scared, and I’m not sorry.

All dreams come true. I secretly wanted the love of Leot, to pulsate in my veins in the form of his neurotoxin. What of the fact that I will receive it from this creature of magical beauty from Coma Berenice Galaxy?

Kallitris appears from the mist, carrying a syringe, filled with some clear liquid. He sits by me, and injects the contents into my vein. The hot, long-desired pleasure fills my body. Why can’t I have that every day? I was created for this.

I want to fall into the warm cloud of complete satisfaction and happiness, when I catch the most amazing sight, as the mist dissipates �" I see sharp spikes of some kind of buildings �" there is a forest of shiny metal spikes. They are very thin and sharp on top, but gradually get bigger and wider to the bottom. They have lights inside which appear and disappear in a certain pattern.

The spikes glisten with water, or it seems so. The picture “moves” across, revealing more and more spikes, creating a feeling of flight, of freedom and detachment from anything that is heavy and holds you down… The air around the shiny spikes is clear and feels fresh. The soft light penetrates the whole moving picture which has nice, pastel tones to it. Are we in flight already? Over what planet?

- No, Demi, it’s just a map of a city which I need to take over. �" Kallitris holds me by my hand. His voice sounds like a kind song. I’m submerged in the sea of unparalleled love and romance. What a great hallucination. Must be the neurotoxin working already.

-  What city? �" I can barely move my lips.

- A city on the planet much like yours. That’s why I need three hundred of creatures which will not die in the oxygen rich atmosphere. This gas is poisonous to pretty much the rest of us.

- Somewhere at your place? �" It is so hard to talk, and my voice feels unpleasant in comparison with the melodic beauty of Kallitris’s voice.

- Not far away from where I live. The information you have received about me is correct, but not complete. I’m from the galaxy NGS4565, within Coma Berenice System. Your sources call my motherland “The Needle”.

Really? I could not have come up with a funnier pun. I’m dizzy with the drug which Kallitris injected into me with such generosity. But still I want to know why does he want to attack that beautiful city on the picture?

My thoughts race like crazy horses, or, rather, like insane shadows. But through all of that I hear Iris’s voice. I feel him �" I know where he is now. He is sitting by the fireplace in our castle, crying his eyes out for my fate, for my addiction, for my heartbreaking weakness.

It hurts me to no end to realize that I have betrayed him. It is worse than longing for my drug. I did not realize, that I would have such unbearable pangs of consciousness. I thought I could just push him away, and disappear. I mean, why not? This gorgeous man invited me to take down a city, and gives me my drug in exchange for cooperation. Cool, right? Why Iris just can’t forget about me?

Is it because he loves me? But I do not know what love is. And, come to think of it, I do not care to find out.

Author's Note

Apparently i have to redo the dialogues from
- I love you - Jennie said.
TO
Jennie said "I love you"
hmmm... American style is different. I get it.