Hopelessness

The past few days have been very strange, like squinting in the morning sun but not being able to fully come to. I have spent countless hours making sense of the biggest mistake of my life: my abusive, failed marriage.

I came from a system. A home where men led. A church where women were not allowed to speak up. A backward town. A sexist world. I am certainly not suggesting that men went unscathed by this pattern but it is no wonder my female, teenage self thought it was right to be suppressed.

I should have been relieved to discover I didn't do anything wrong. That my story had little to do with me and much to do with a norm.

On the contrary, a more depressing epiphany came to me: I don't have that power. I couldn't do anything wrong, and I cannot amend it.

I am only me. I can only change me, not what happens to or around me.

Only THE HOME can change the home. Only THE CHURCH can change the church. Only THE TOWN can change the town. Only THE WORLD can change the world.

What an unjust reality - a reality I wish I'd never woken up to! Because while I am changed, I am not free. The system continues. The system has the power.

The unconsented public groping, the violation of rights, the abuse continues in broad daylight. I can't stop this nonsense.

But... maybe...

If YOU change you, we will rebuild the system individual by individual, mindset by mindset. I sincerely hope so.

Reviews

[Azsa Wild]

Thank you for writing this.