Beyond the horizon of being loved, there lies a life.

In this introspective piece, the author delves into the profound questions of self-identity and the nature of love. Through personal reflections and the exploration of solitude, they uncover the compl

I spent last winter pondering a question: Do I crave love itself, or is there something within me that yearns for it? Sometimes, I believe I am unworthy of love, and other times, I believe I am deserving of it. However, the tragedy is that I am always uncertain, my conditioning holds the upper hand in this matter, like any other conscious being on this planet.

I don’t know myself; I often wonder who I truly am. This question feels like a catastrophe, an overwhelming weight that looms over my existence. If I don’t know who I am, what compels me to seek love? Who is this “I” that exists here, wandering through life in search of connection and understanding?

“The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you’ll be free ~ Margaret Atwood”

Despite this, I always feel happy and joyful when no one is around. In solitude, I can be anything �" a dancer, a cricket player, a soccer player, a bird, a lion, and so on �" beyond the fear of being judged. However, there are times, when this emptiness feels hollow, obscure, and filled with uncertainty �" a darkness that is truly unsettling. Yet, even then, I do not want to be with anyone. I want to dwell in that obscurity and hollowness. This obscurity gives me sense of belonging �" I belong to myself, only to myself.

However, I realize that only I can love myself. I must cease seeking love beyond my own being, and I have relinquished that pursuit. I no longer need love. The more I yearn for it, the further it slips away; the more I seek, the better it hides. Beyond this, I need a place where I can be my true self, where I can enjoy life to the fullest �" no calls, no texts, no interruptions, no people, and no worries. I want to feel ecstatic in my own company.

“you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Human beings crave love, whether it be with others or with possessions that pale in comparison to genuine human connections. In our relentless pursuit of love, we often neglect the most crucial relationship of all �" the one we have with ourselves.

As I continue to explore my own depths, I realize that the journey to self-love is ongoing and ever-changing. It’s not about reaching a final destination but rather about embracing the process of becoming comfortable with who I am, imperfections and all.

So, perhaps the true essence of love lies not in its pursuit but in the quiet acceptance of oneself. In letting go of the need to be loved by others, I find a newfound freedom to be myself, to live authentically, and to cherish the moments of solitude that bring me closer to my true self.

In this journey, I have learned that the love I seek is not something to be found out there, but something to be nurtured within. And in this realization, I discover a deeper, more profound connection to life itself. My journey doesn’t end here; I am eager to delve deeper into the pursuit of self-discovery.