Birdsong

The holiday people camp in softdrink shade;
The white sun dances in the brown tea
In the hot cup, in the hot day
Where the attenuated birdsong shrills
Into untenable heights soprano
And the sun splits as the liquid jars
As a door slams �"
Open.
Let time suspend the execution of the hour
For this one moment here in sunshaft,
Here cool wind, beyond our Kafka country, beyond
Our torn-wallpaper lives, beyond the city
Where the world outruns its cliches,
Green verdant and blue ultramarine �"
I attempt a free translation of birdsong.

Reviews

[asdarkeyesclose]

a cut well above the average poem published here. i liked the flow of images, some great word choices and delicate touches. I think I read it three or four times in the end, gaining more each time. highly inspirational writing. fantastic.

[Me]

I could feel the emotion all over this write. this is awesome!

[Aprille]

The imagery is really good, I love the whole structure but the very last line is the one I love the most,
"I attempt a free translation of birdsong". :)

[Blake Fodor]

The emotions seem to flow from a river of desire. The heartfelt feelings glow warmly

[Lyn Anderson]

Again, a really great write. The first opening lines really set the tone of the poem. I do think however, you had that annoying cafe' glitch happen to you when you transposed from Word to cafe' -- and you meant hyphens where there are " marks.

[Anne Timmins]

So beautiful! I love the heart felt words.

[Wandering Minstrel]

well expressed and perfectly titled.

[Matching Socks]

Great write Susan.
Lovely imagery and expression.

[John Anderson]

Your words are so beautifully expressed and powerfully delivered. I really love this one