Breeze As A Spear...

Some where behind this

Breeze on this bruisy man

I feel your presence

Even in your delighted absence

Negligence of rain on me

Showered me my tears

Worth of drunken spears

Digged my love mines.

Tattered tauntrums

In echoes of silence

I found a gaze of your

Pleasant smiles on my lips.

Lurking eyes of you

Gumptioned my

Petals of love, making me

A bud to love you again.

Reviews

[Hope]

"I feel your presence
Even in your delighted absence"
This is what, for me, stood out in the poem. It holds so many feelings and contradictions.
And the entire poem has a unique style.
Though I didn't understand each word as you meant it, I still found this poem one of your bests.
Thanks for sharing Surya!

[CAPOLAVORO]

"Negligence of rain on me
Showered me my tears
Worth of drunken spears
Digged my love mines."

I can just feel the rain slowly dropping on my face and washed away the tears. That so called worth of drunken spears literally needs a digging of landmines. Well done.

Sincerely,
CAPOLAVORO

[Farhan Shaikh]

The first thing I love in this is title and the second is entire poem

[Surya]

Thank you Farhan...:)

[kitty]

Different. Unique in content. Praisworty expression of thought. Deep. Liked your play with words.

[Surya]

That means to me...Thank you..:)

[Great Aunt Astri]

Wonderful phrase, 'making me a bud to love you again.' The next time I am feeling a bit 'bruisy', I will read your poem again. I can only say, I thought it was an excellent write.

[Surya]

Thank you so much Dear Aunt...;)

[barleygirl]

As you often do, here's a great example of writing with originality! There isn't one phrase here that's been used before & such unusual descriptions make your writing thought-provoking, even when it's about something simple becuz of the way you present it. Love this phrase for alliteration & meaning: "tattered tantrums" . . . love this phrase for it's stunning unusual way: "bruisy man" (this is what I mean by thought-provoking -- it can be interpreted in many different ways, so we are thinking, how does this fit into this poem?)

[Surya]

Thank you so much...I find joy in my own words, that's it....:)

[pragya gaur]

Wonderfully crafted surya ji.... Nice work

[Surya]

Thank you Pragya...:)

[Sandipta$]

Showered me my tears...... N echoes of silence......wow..... No words... i can only feel.... Thnx for sharing.... 😊

[Surya]

Thank you so much Sandipta...:)

[Najam Us Saher]

What an amazing write. You came up with a marvellous work after being absent for days. Nice use of alliteration 'Tattered tantrums'. I loved the last line. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[Surya]

Thank you so much Saher...:)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome. :)

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Wow! Crafted so beautifully!
We end up retreating..
Powerful
"
Tattered tauntrums
In echoes of silence"

[Surya]

Thank you Tazeen...:)