Running For Lives...

Three friends started on an adventurous trip ended up with a deadly surprise..

Bullets hitting roof of yacht, Windows damaged, Kim, John and I trembling with fear.

We were out on a trip and rented a yacht and was started on waters, kim opened a bottle of Champagne saying ’Kudos friends! finally we started for it, Let’s celebrate the moment, Ohh, wow!’,  kim was terribly happy where as John was balanced as me.

 We now celebrating our party moments on waters and all of a sudden kind of war started here but exceptional case is that we don’t know our enemies and their causes, actually we never seen them.

‘Ted, who are they? , why are they onto us?’,  Kim started to shiver with these questions to me, John on the other hand  confused with fear and anxiety knowing nothing to do.

‘Ted and Kim we gonna stick to each other! and lose these people, if in case that happens so,  we just f**k off from this island to our heavenly homes, Yeah not a joke!, now I feel our homes as heaven’  John exclaimed and demanded us in his dreadful voice.

But I have no brain of mine working to escape from this suspense, I just waited for them to give us a chance to run away, I can see there are three men on the boat coming to us with guns in their hands.one of them started shouting ‘You are done with your lives babies, haha!’ again a round of bullets flyed to us after his terrible compliment to us.

We started searching for any nearby land and we found some nearby, we jumped off from Yacht, started swimming, with their warnings and firings onto us, while swimming towards nearby land there are only two questions running in my brain, 1.There might be some mistake happened around so these guys chasing us instead of others, 2. Might be we people done something terrible last night after our drinks, as we were completely blackout, I can’t remember any s**t happened last night…

I got the point that I cannot solve my stupid yet needed doubts with them as they were in no mood to chat with me, They only needed three of us to be dead, and we on the other hand running for our lives in this unknown forest.

We got onto land and started running in three different directions losing contact of each other, Kim running as a deer struggling for life from cheetah towards north, John headed east and now I can’t see him, he was deep into trees and I headed south, we had no interest in sharing Ideas to save our lives except the fact that we were in a hurry to get far away from these hunters…

I guess am deep into forest now, alone,  walking, headed to nowhere, a bit peace now but it didn’t lasted for long, I heard someone firing weapons, and I realized that I have to start a marathon again..

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your vignette of a chase, of being hunted, is told with rapid breathlessness, it seems, as if the action is unfolding vividly. This pacing is the best part of your storytelling. I find it unusual that you describe FEELINGS as much or more than SURROUNDINGS! Not that this is bad thing, just unusual for action stories. I like knowing what the characters are thinking, but there could be more sensory descriptions -- of smells, sights, textures, colors, etc. All in all, a nicely-told compact story for the short-attention-spans online!

[Surya]

Haha, I will make i better then...thank you Margie...:)

[Bala Gorthi]

You do bring a a scene through your writes, Surya.
An enjoyable write with easy flow.

[Surya]

Wow, Is it so..Thank you Bala garu for your words and visit...:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

WOW!
i got no words for this piece...
keep on writing surya

[Surya]

Sure and Thank you Wajiha Nayeem for your kind visit and am glad you enjoyed it...Keep visiting...:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

sure..
that's my pleasure :)

[APOORVA]

what an awesome piece of art.
I enjoyed every bit of it.
keep up surya sir

[Surya]

Thnks a lot Apoorva ji, actually I was missing your reviews....and am glad you provided me one now..:)...
Sir again haha, ....:)

[APOORVA]

you don't have to miss it, its plenty here as you have done a great job

[JessyJacob]

Positive always one side, and confused the other side. Dont club both, clarity is what you needed and I also.

Just out of my brain and heart. Its true, when somebody has two choclates, who wants to eat both, instead of sharing with friend, who doesnt want to be greedy. I am seeing a thin line, but still breaking that is what somebody is trying, to extend the pain in brain, instead of dreaming something else, being going to be busy soon, maybe trying to take advantage of free time. Sorry then.

Just few thoughts!! It doenst mean to anybody, unless they feel so.

[Surya]

Is it your story or speaking to me...hey just asking, if you wanna mail your story you can inbox it to me..:)

[JessyJacob]

Actually being with, not just digging, and burrying things, I just need mine. Hope you understand, I will mail it, as you are asking.

[Surya]

hahaha, ok then feel free you can mail me or just post it on your wall so that every person here can read it...:)

[JessyJacob]

where it started, it should end there only, dont take short cuts, its hurting.

[Surya]

ok do as your wish, just dont get hurt....mail or post or place here in comments...as you wish, dont get hurt...smile now...:)

[JessyJacob]

I dont want to post on wall, it is hurting even though i own and accept them, forcibly making me to delete, though they are not cursings, but just best things, to lead better life.

I am not hurting anyone, I just want me to be understood, atleast making them to be in my shoes.

[JessyJacob]

Thank you!! for making me smile.

[Surya]

see, why will someone hurt on your writes and morover those are your's nothing to steal nothing to hurt, you placed your views it's upto us whether to like them or ignore them...So I guess no one hurts with any write and specially your's none gets hurt...

[Surya]

it's my pleasure you are smiling now, keep that fixed on your lips...:)

[JessyJacob]

I may look funny if i fix always smile on my face, i am ready to cry for my little heart, not for too many hifi things. Hahaha.

[Surya]

As u say...atleast smiling now..:)

[Manasa.L]

The starting was very abrupt but you managed to carry on a good story line and ended it nicely. You can improve on certain sentence formations, the beginning and give some more clear conversation.
This story at one point reminded me of the movie "HANGOVER". Good writing.

[Surya]

Haha, Manasa ji, this is not a start or an end of the story nor a chapter, it's just a scene of my story....Well thank you for your words, keep visiting, keep correcting me wherever possible..:)

[Manasa.L]

The starting means the beginning of the story.
You are welcome.

[writ rajat]

Bullets hitting roof of yacht, Windows damaged, Kim, John and I trembling with fear.
We were out on a trip and rented a yacht and was started on waters, kim opened a bottle of Champagne saying ’Kudos friends! finally we started for it, Let’s celebrate the moment, Ohh, wow!’, kim was terribly happy where as John was balanced as me.
We now celebrating our party moments on waters and all of a sudden kind of war started here but exceptional case is that we don’t know our enemies and their causes, actually we never seen them.
‘Ted, who are they? , why are they onto us?’, Kim started to shiver with these questions to me, John on the other hand confused with fear and anxiety knowing nothing to do.
‘Ted and Kim we gonna stick to each other! and lose these people, if in case that happens so, we just f**k off from this island to our heavenly homes, Yeah not a joke!, now I feel our homes as heaven’ John exclaimed and demanded us in his dreadful voice.
But I have no brain of mine working to escape from this suspense, I just waited for them to give us a chance to run away, I can see there are three people on the boat coming to us with guns in their hands.one of them started shouting ‘You are done with your lives babies, haha!’ again a round of bullets flyed to us after his terrible compliment to us.
We started searching for any nearby land and we found some nearby, we jumped off from Yacht, started swimming, with their warnings and firings onto us, while swimming towards nearby land there are only two questions running in my brain, 1.There might be some mistake happened around so these guys chasing us instead of others, 2. Might be we people done something terrible last night after our drinks, as we were completely blackout, I can’t remember any s**t happened last night…
I got the point that I cannot solve my stupid yet needed doubts with them as they were in no mood to chat with me, They only needed three of us to be dead, and we on the other hand running for our lives in this unknown forest.
We got onto land and started running in three different directions losing contact of each other, Kim running as a deer struggling for life from cheetah towards north, John headed east and now I can’t see him, he was deep into trees and I headed south, we had no interest in sharing Ideas to save our lives except the fact that we were in a hurry to get far away from these hunters…
I guess am deep into forest now, alone, walking, headed to nowhere, a bit peace now but it didn’t lasted for long, I heard someone firing weapons, and I realized that I have to start a marathon again..

© 2017 Surya

Share This


My Review
writ rajat


Points
1
Rating
/100
Submit Review

writ rajat
writ rajat
waaaaaaaaaaaah bhai gazzab dimaag hai apka

Posted 3 Seconds Ago
[comment] [edit review] [send message] [report review] [delete]



Reviews
YumnaKay
YumnaKay
I felt you could give more details about the start.. It sounded too quick to me. But I liked the end. The way the friends ran for their lives sounds real enough. Could you be extending it?
Nicely penned. I enjoyed reading :)

Posted 2 Minutes Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
jessy
jessy
"But I have no brain of mine working to escape from this suspense, I just waited for them to give us a chance to run away, I can see there are three people on the boat coming to us with guns in their hands.one of them started shouting ‘You are done with your lives babies, haha!’ again a round of bullets flyed to us after his terrible compliment to us".

Slowly clapping, what a crazy man, I know idle man's brain is like idiot's workshop. Whose brain is absent minded?
There is no need to start a marathon again, as I am fond of and missing my sixpacks man, eating fish now.

Just kidding! Really amazing, you missed one of four idiots.

Posted 1 Hour Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
View 0 more replies
Surya
[report reply] 1 Hour Ago
No I ain't, Fourth is the writer of this story, hahaha...It's Ted's mind gone blank.
Thank yo.. read more
jessy
[report reply] 1 Hour Ago
The fourth, writer is really smart, among you all, as he was not travelling with you, and as he Know.. read more
Surya
[report reply] 1 Hour Ago
Haha, thanks for that, sorey I said it again...and my pleasure to get such a review from you...:)


Post Comment
Farhan Shaikh
Farhan Shaikh
Wow..amazing this one is...really awesome

Posted 2 Hours Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
Surya
[report reply] 2 Hours Ago
Hey Farhan, Thanks for that, am glad you enjoyed it..:)


Post Comment


Mr.Writer
Mr.Writer
Really good! Great job Surya! :) So engaging :)
It made me tense and at the edge of my seat! So good!

Posted 5 Hours Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
Surya
[report reply] 3 Hours Ago
Well, it's good then, Thank you Mr.Writer for your visit and reading this piece..:)


Post Comment
wordman
wordman
you certainly painted beautiful images

Posted 5 Hours Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
Surya
[report reply] 3 Hours Ago
Thank you Wordman...:)


Post Comment
Tina H.W.
Tina H.W.
Oh....love the ending, Surya! Tense. I could imagine everything you described in there. Actually...thinking about it, I had a dream just like your story and just like your story, it seemed so real.
A really enjoyable read with a t'riffic suspense ending. Well done! :)

Posted 13 Hours Ago
Did you find this review constructive? [yes] [no] [comment] [send message] [report review]
Surya
[report reply] 7 Hours Ago
Thank you Tina for such words and tour visit, am glad you enjoyed it..:)


Post Comment

[Surya]

Kuch zyaada hi copy kiya aapne, hahaha..anyways thank you...

[writ rajat]

waaaaaaaaaaaah bhai gazzab dimaag hai apka

[Surya]

Shayad, and thank you Rajat for kind words and review..:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I felt you could give more details about the start.. It sounded too quick to me. But I liked the end. The way the friends ran for their lives sounds real enough. Could you be extending it?
Nicely penned. I enjoyed reading :)

[Surya]

Haha, it's not a chapter Yumna, it's just a scene of a chapter in between of the story...well thank you anyways, keep suggesting mr wherever possible..Thanks for that..:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hmm still, a scene should have a proper beginning because it leaves the reader confused somehow.. read moreHmm still, a scene should have a proper beginning because it leaves the reader confused somehow..
I hope you take this as positive, Surya. You're welcome 😊😊

[Surya]

Positive always, you said confused, that's what I needed, it's like a trailer of my story....well thanks again..:)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Well that's good to know! 😉
You're welcome, Always 😊😊

[Surya]

My pleasure Yumna to recieve your words..:)