Trial Room

Trial Room

A Story by Surya
"

Two hearts to match in two trial rooms..

"

It’s a fine morning, always it is when a traveller wakes up from his tent early in the morning just to watch the beautiful sunrise hidden in the waving trees locked in waters, I thought, popping out of tent and relaxed myself with a cigarette and some memories running through when I looked at my dearest friend, the orange Sun, he wished me good morning and I cheered him up with the sound produced by bluish waters and music produced by some wavy greeny leaves, I couldn’t name them out as am poor in biological sciences, Yeah I was and am poor with biology but I enjoy the nature most.It’s getting late now,  my alarm alarmed me at 7:30 am, now I have to pack all those things which gave me a good sleep and some memories into one and tie them to bike so that I can move into the city and explore the city.

                          Dialled a contact in my list, yeah it’s ringing .....still ringing....finally picked up after long ring..

               ‘Hey buddy, How are you?’,

               ‘Yeah, who is this.........Hey man, after days, am good, how are you?. And where are you?’

               ‘Hahaha!, still sleeping haa, am good and here am at your place and will be in your flat in minutes’.

                ‘Hey, that’s great news, will prepare some food for you till you reach’.

                ‘Thank you Sam, after many days in your kitchen, I can’t wait anymore, will be there in minutes, see you in your flat’.

Sam, my dearest friend since school, he is working here now in some fashion industry, Yeah he is a fashion designer and a great cook, according to me, a foodie too.We are still as close as we were, but I miss Sam sometimes when I get emotional in some places, specially in the forests of Himachal and cities like Bangalore, but he cannot make those trips with me as he got his job to do, where am a traveller and painter, of course I had some market value, That’s the reason I can survive the price in travelling and for travelling.Finally reached his apartment after a journey passing a great morning.

     I knocked his door and I can smell some delicious aroma from his kitchen, I cant wait anymore, kept knocking, and after fifth knock finally there he opened, Sam, same as ever with dark hair, brown eyes and the same tummy after years, he forwarded to hug me as we met after long days, and that was as pleasant as him.We relaxed on a couch and memorised sweet memories of childhood, school days, college days, adulthood..Romantic love stories, fights what not, everything we remebered and he was much happier than me, with those memories striking back to our lips just to make us smile.After me getting freshed up we had some breakfast and we were out to explore, Travelling is one of the best experience anyone can get and Sam couldn’t dare any chance of missing it with me, Finally we were out to explore on my most lovable Bike with my buddy.

     He is a man of and from clothes as soon as he saw Shoppers stop, forced me to stop and to enter  into it, obviously we were in, he started trying some clothes and no option left to me, I have to go on with shopping now, so I started to search out apparels that suits me though I was not in a mood to buy some, after trying many finally that light shady blue jeans and a jacket in black attracted me and i wanted to try them, picked up those and went into trial room.

Entered in and about to lock the door I heard some beautiful voice singing some odia song, am mesmerised with her tune that I paused a moment without locking the door, just listening her voice and of course it must be appreciated and I did appreciated her, Then suddenly the voice paused for a moment and said

                  ‘Thank you Mr...., ok whatever, was it that good’,

                  ‘Yep, it was too good, made me dive into your voice’,

                  ‘Hahaha, Thank you for your joke, and well where are you from?, doesn’t seem to be from this city’, I was struck at her frankness, but something made me to talk with her , and I started answering her questions,

                ‘Hey, how did you guessed That am not from your city and to be honest your voice was pretty good’,

                ‘Can’t you guess you speak the language which doesn’t belong to this city, are you mad or what?, missing these simple logics, you started flirting with me, hahaha just kidding you can, you are a sweet guy’, I was completely out of my brains with her words, I heard girls behave frank but not to this extent as this unknown lady behaving now, but I found it interesting......That made me involve with this lady for minutes in trail room....

    This is our first meeting, and she behaved as a person closest to me, That made me to involve in a chat with her.

   We get to know about various things of each other, her silly dreams, her character, her sweet voice made me a mad person alive for first time in my entire life without seeing her......It went for an hour and someone knocking our doors,

   ‘we must leave now’ she said,

  ‘How to find you again?’

  ‘Same time, Same place, Tomorrow’,  she said, noticing me that she was interested too,

  ‘Ok, see you then, bye sweety, see you tomorrow’,

  ‘Hey, Just a minute, You don’t know my name and I don’t know yours, What is your name?’, she asked,

 ‘No need of knowing your name and I don’t want to see you now even, I can recognise your sweet voice, leave your trail room after 2 minutes I leave mine, so that I cannot see you and you cannot see me and as you asked my name is..... Suraj.’

    Then I left trial room without giving any notice towards her Trail room, that was the most amazing and beautiful day in my life......Waitng for Tomorrow....

         

© 2017 Surya


Author's Note

Surya
Sorry guys, I didn't mention their exact conversations in between, have to wait for them.

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Reviews

i thought it was a great story,the theme of the story works well,your images was clear to me,i liked it

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Haha, I guess it's not a great one...Well Thank you for your kind visit..:)
This one is good. This one could be better. I just lack a little bit of imagery and how you use words to convey feelings. There are some conversations that are a little bit unclear and you could improve that I believe so.

To give you an example. Instead of just saying

"my alarm alarmed me at 7:30 am, now I have to pack all those things which gave me a good sleep and some memories into one and tie them to bike so that I can move into the city and explore the city."

you could better say it like "My alarm was to my ears what a chicken crowing in right time is to waking at exactly 7:30 in the morning. Every sense urging me to claw my way to packing up my things despite the calling of good sleep. Things tied up in my bicycle as I started to get on the flying state with the pedal through the city of grandeur site. That feeling of freshness and wonder."

All in all, Keep writing. :) Your story is good.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Haa, that was good too, Thank you for your view and review.....
But according to character he.. read more
CAPOLAVORO

7 Years Ago

Oh I see now. :)
Surya

7 Years Ago

And you can see the way female character speaks and the way antagonist speaks.....That's it....Thank.. read more
It was really interesting to read. I needed some escapism and this story did it, I hope you will write further. As you are waiting for tomorrow I am waiting for the next chapter. Thank you for sharing I really liked the story.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Thank you for your visit am glad...:)
Najam Us Saher

7 Years Ago

You're welcome ☺
Najam Us Saher

7 Years Ago

You're welcome ☺
This is an interesting story, but a little hard for me to follow. I got the idea that the narrator is shopping with good friend Sam, but then another person becomes part of the story. This part is unclear . . . is the new lady flirting with Sam? Is this feeling troublesome to you? I think the dialogue in this area is confusing . . . maybe it would be good to include "tags" so we know who is saying which line? Also I'm noticing there are a few places where you use very long run-on sentences (example: first paragraph & others) . . . this would be easier to read if these long sentences were broken up with some shorter phrases. Otherwise, your storytelling is strong & your ideas are interesting to compel our attention.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Sure, I will edit them once I find the replacement,....she is not flirting with Sam.......they are a.. read more
I find your story interesting. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Thank you Bala, for your visit and appreciating..
Bhai "Trail Room" ya "TRIAL ROOM".... Waise nyccccc story yr....

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Haha, typing mistake Amit and thank you for pointing out, will change it now...Thank you for your ki.. read more
Amit Dhiman

7 Years Ago

Koi nhi bhai... Sb comment kr rhe the lekin mistake koi nhi bta rha tha.... Bura toh nhi laga bhai.... read more
Surya

7 Years Ago

Kya baat kar raha hai, bura kya lagna isme.Thank u Amit.
Hmm nice story, commendable work, but need to take care of the flow of sentences.
I mean the structure of it(Grammatical I guess).
A few more clear cut conversations would have made it even better.
I hope you understand, I'm not criticizing just helping you in getting better that's all:):)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Hey am fine, Thank you for pointing out, Thank you for your visit, appreciated.
extremely commendable work sir

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Thank you Apoorva ji, Lots actually.
Hahaha, Sir again.Thank you Madam.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
U have great way to represent each and every detail of your story. . . but i m still curious abut the cnvrstion . . . . great work as usual . . . keep sharing

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Thank you Pravir, conversation, yeah someday for sure.
Hey Surya it was beautiful as usual, and you missed those beautiful conversations...am waiting for them..
Thank you for sharing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Surya

7 Years Ago

Thank you johnny, conversations you have to wait for them, they are the precious melodies I created.. read more

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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on February 18, 2017
Last Updated on March 31, 2017

Author

Surya
Surya

Hyderabad, India



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