rose, ohh!..it blows me off..

beautiful comparison between rose and girl..

Alluring and Enthralling beauty
reminds me of your glory!
redden as rouge
flush me, suffuse!
rose, ohh! it blows me off..

Delicate and dazzling petals
just like your skin, soften
people call it a symbol of 'love'
but for me, a symbol of 'you'
ohh this rose, drags me to you....!!

Rain drops on your face
just like dew drops in pace
on petals, going to stake
right through my heart, and attack
ohh this rose, really blows me off!!

Petals falling in breeze
just like your hair, ohh it made me freeze
exquisite and mesmeric
you are just ravishing
ohh this rose...

TO every rose, I smell
reminds me of your perfume, again and again
Its my pain, how can I explain
girl, am going through hell
because it's rose, which blows me off!!

Whenever I bring it you
my heart, smash into you
and when you react, ohh dear
I only wish..."could i have this kiss FOREVER"??

Reviews

[minnie:)]

This is a very good poem! Very detailing :)

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Thank you for your kind words minnie :)

[brucethemaster]

I really enjoyed reading this.

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Love to hear this...thank you bruce :)

[brucethemaster]

You're welcome.

[Sami Khalil]

I love it. You have done a great job...:)

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

thank you sami...i liked your pieces too :)

[Sami Khalil]

The feelings are mutual...Thx...:)

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

yeah :)

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :)

[Robert James Parfett]

I think the idea was great and you have done a good job, but I would agree that the words "blows me off" could be misunderstood by many people and also the smily faces may distract from the poem itself. They are just opinions, but i did enjoy reading and I liked the feel of it.

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

I understand.. and will definitely ignore the smiley faces..but blows me off is the title which i tried to explain in the whole poem. Well, it means "whenever the boy see a rose it reminds him of her girlfriend and thus he went into deep thoughts of her and get lost"...that's what i tried to explain...
thank you for sharing your views robert :)

[Robert James Parfett]

You are welcome. Thank you for explaining

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Anytime, my pleasure :)

[Riley Bray]

This is an interesting write. It started out talking about a rose and a girl in comparison then somewhere along the way changed into a first kiss poem, interesting way of going about things. As for criticism, don't rhyme words with themselves because it tarnishes the decency of the literature oftentimes. (I have yet to see it work well for someone). Another thing, try not to use text smileys in a poem because it makes it seem more like a joke than a serious, heartfelt truth or desire. I suggest you focus more on flow and word choice because it got a little choppy or just downright strange in some areas. Lastly, go through the poem again and correct the grammatical errors when you find the time. (If you want specificity, go ahead and ask, but my time to review is short because of the amount of works I turn out per day so it might take a little while). Overall good poem my friend!

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Thanks for being so specific and critic. I definitely look into your suggestion and will improve. Thanks for your time Riley..:)

[Riley Bray]

Of course! I look forward to reviewing you in the future. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A poem with a lot of hope and energy. I had to read again. I like the use of the rose leading the reader to the every good ending.
"people call it a symbol of 'love'.....
but for me, a symbol of 'you':)!
ohh this rose, drags me to you....!!"
Thank you for sharing the amazing poem. The above lines were my favorite.
Coyote

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

As i am new here, it is so nice to here wonderful reviews.
So glad you were by, thanks for the lovely review coyote :)

[quinfinn]

this is a delicate and sweet prose, worthy of reading....one thing is troubling but only because of minor differences..."it blows me off" means "it dismisses me with out consideration" where i live....so i think we have obvious different meanings for the phrase...love your writing though, sincerely!

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Yeah, you are right. Here, it blows me off means "whenever the boy see a rose it reminds him of her girlfriend and thus he went into deep thoughts of her and get lost"...that's what i tried to explain...
Thanks for sharing your views quin!..
Thanks to look in :)

[quinfinn]

oh, i see then, very good!!!!!

[Prritiy]

loved this beautiful song of love, nice choice of words and intense feelings :)

best wishes dear.

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Thanks for sharing your feelings dear, thank you for stopping by!

[Prritiy]

welcome :)

[Talal Hussain]

What a beautiful composition...great rhyme loved it :-)

[Surbhi Khandelwal]

Thanks allot talal :)