The Girl Who Stole The Sun

A childrens story I wrote a few years ago, the title is self explanatory. I really enjoy the end and I hope you all will as well. Please read and review, I would appreciate it greatly.

 

Angela Britsby loved summer. She loved its green trees, pretty flowers, and endless blue skies. Most of all Angela loved the sun. It was warm and bright and it hung high above the clouds like a pretty ornament. The feeling of sun on her skin and a light breeze in her hair were Angela’s favourite things. But when the sun set and night came, Angela was sad. She was scared of the night. It was dark and cold and when she lay in her bed all she could think about was the beautiful sun.

On one particularly dark night, Angela had a thought. If she could find a way to carry the sun with her, she would never have to see the night again. When she woke up the next morning, Angela started working on her plan. First she went to every house on her street and asked all the grown-ups if she could borrow a ladder. When she had enough, Angela put them on the ground end to end, and using shoe laces, tape, licorice strings, and skipping ropes she tied them all together. It was the tallest ladder in the whole wide world. Angela dragged the giant ladder up to the tallest point on the highest hill and lifted it up. It swayed a little in the wind before coming to rest on a big white cloud. Angela shook it a little to make sure it was steady, and then began her ascent. She climbed up and up, higher and higher, past the smallest trees, then the tallest trees. Eventually she could see the whole town down in the valley. At one point an airplane had flown by, and Angela had waved at the pilots in the cockpit. They had given her an odd look and slowly waved back. Angela supposed they weren't used to seeing little girls climbing into the clouds on giant ladders.

After what seemed to her a long time, Angela climbed right up to the sun. It was so warm and so bright that she had to shut her eyes a little so she could look at it. Angela reached in to the back pack she had put on that morning and pulled out a very large empty jam jar. She thought about how she might go about getting the sun into the jar, but in the end she simply lifted it up and scooped the sun in with the lid. Angela quickly screwed the cap back into place, afraid that beams of sunlight might escape through the opening. She started to unzip her bag in order to stow the jar, but opted instead to carry it in one hand. The thought that the bag might rip and the sun would topple down to the ground had worried her. As she climbed down it grew darker and darker, and the people in the town stared at the sky and wondered why the sun was setting so early. Everyone was very confused, but they decided that if the sun had gone down then it must be time for bed. And so everyone returned to their homes, climbed into bed and fell fast asleep.

Angela did not sleep. The jar she held kept her wide awake and feeling very happy and excited. She decided not to bring the sun home because her mother might not like that very much. Instead she found a deep cave in the forest and hid the jar very far inside it so that only she could find it. For some time, Angela sat and enjoyed the warmth and light from the bottled sun.

When her stomach began to growl she thought it must be dinner time and that she had better go home. Angela had packed a flashlight just in case she had needed one. It had seemed silly at the time but now she was thankful to have it. When she had stepped out of the cave it was terribly dark. She hadn’t noticed before because she had been carrying the sun, but now without it, it was hard to see at all. When she reached the town she noticed that there was no one on the streets. It was an odd thing for her to see the deserted roads and she puzzled over it as she walked home. When she got there she found her mother fast asleep in bed. Angela called out to her and then shook her a little but nothing happened. Hard as she tried nothing she did would wake her sleeping mother. Angela wondered why this was happening but then she thought of something she hadn’t before. With the sun gone everyone thought it was bedtime and had gone to sleep. Angela realized that if she didn’t return the sun to its place in the sky, her mother might never wake up. She might lie there forever, like the princess Angela had read about who had pricked her finger on a needle and had fallen fast asleep. That thought made Angela very sad, and so decided to put the sun back where she had found it, as her mother might have said.

Angela returned to the cave and carried the sun in the jam jar all the way back to the ladder. Up again she went, higher and higher as before, until she reached the very top. Angela unscrewed the lid of the jar and tilted it upside down, and with a couple smacks on the glass bottom, the sun popped out of the jar and back into the sky. Down in the town everyone was waking up as sunlight began to pour in through their windows. They yawned and stretched, and then carried on as if nothing had happened.

When Angela got home she found her mother in the kitchen making breakfast, even though it was actually supper time. As they ate Angela told her mother everything that had happened. Her mother smiled and put a hand to Angela’s cheek and told her that it wasn’t fair for just one person to have the sun. Without the sun the pretty flowers wouldn’t grow, the sky wouldn’t be so blue, and no one would know when it was time to wake up. Angela had smiled and agreed with her mother. It wasn’t okay for anyone to steal the sun, it belonged to everyone.

Angela did however keep a very tiny piece of the sun and the next day she dug a hole in the dirt behind her house and placed the little yellow fragment inside. From that tiny seed hundreds of bright yellow sunflowers grew, and every summer Angela picked the biggest brightest one she could find and brought it home. She put it in a big jam jar filled with water, and her mother didn’t mind at all.

 

A.Wynters

Reviews

[ANTO]

"At one point an airplane had flown by, and Angela had waved at the pilots in the cockpit. They gave her an odd look and slowly waved back, she guessed they weren’t used to seeing little girls on giant ladders up that high. " - its fun details like this lol - they make or break this type of story for me.

"but in the end she simply lifted it up and scooped the sun in with the lid." - hah,

"the deserted roads and it scared her a little. " - I wouldnt have included this in such a lovely tale - I dont wanna see Angela scared in my head lol.

"if she didn’t return the sun to its place in the sky, her mother might never wake up." - what do you think of sofetning this with something like ".... might sleep forever like the girl in the fairy tale" ???

"put the sun back where she had found it, as her mother might have said." - so fun !!

"Her mother smiled and put a hand to Angela’s cheek and told her that it wasn’t fair for just one person to have the sun. Without the sun the pretty flowers wouldn’t grow, the sky wouldn’t be so blue, and no one would know when it was time to wake up. Angela had smiled and agreed with her mother. It wasn’t okay for anyone to steal the sun, it belonged to everyone." - this entire section is pure Sunny D :P

The end is genius - the first sunflower - god thats a good story !! such a chuckle
thanks for sharing Audrey



100

[Audrey Wynters]

I love both suggestions you made, very good ones. I will look at the story and rework some of those areas. I agree some parts come off as a bit mature for a childrens story so I suppose it falls into more of the short story category. It salways been a tricky story for me because I am trying to write it so that a child will understand it, but it's hard not to be so descriptive lol. The double edged sword I suppose.

Thank you again, loved the review!
Cheers

[ANTO]

I understand - I wish I could write like this - takes so much concentration to be a kid htese days Audrey - was dead easy when I was a kid - loved the story ! thank you

[Audrey Wynters]

And thank you for the feedback!

[Isla Rae]

I absolutely love your story! I think one of it's best qualities is the word usage. The vocabulary really deepens Angela's character and helps readers understand her. This should most definitely be a children's book!

[Audrey Wynters]

Thank you so much. I am currently working to have some illustrations done and the hopefully I can start to move forward with this. I appreciate the review Isla!

[Isla Rae]

That would be absolutely amazing! Best of luck!

[Elie Marie]

This is a lovely story. I could just picture all the pretty pictures that would accompany it in a children's book. Simple, beautifully written, yet strong message. very nice work.

[Audrey Wynters]

Thank you so much Elie. I am currently working on the illustrations to accompany the book.

[Elie Marie]

You're doing it yourself? You draw as well?
that's really great.

[Audrey Wynters]

I do :) It saves a great deal of hassle trying to find an artist to do it for me.

[Elie Marie]

that's so true.

[Ann Daniels]

I love the childlike simplicity of this, and the nice details make it special and fun. My little sister would love this story.

[Audrey Wynters]

I would love for you to read her this story and let me know what she thinks of it aswell. It would be so very appreciated :)

[Ann Daniels]

I read your story to my little sister and she really loved it, especially the humorous parts. She laughed a lot at "waved to the pilots in the cockpit" and "Found mother in the kitchen making breakfast, even though it was actually supper time." A lovely story :)