1. Zeke

“Where the hell are my pants?!”

 

CRASH.

 

Well, there went the new lamp. I suppose I’m not allowed to have nice things anymore.

 

“I mean it, Nyphe! Where the hell did you put them?!”

 

“I’m not teeellliiinnnggg!”

 

“M**********r, you have till the count of three to produce those goddamn pants!!”

 

Here we go again.

 

“One…”

 

I suppose I should try and break up the fight that will, no doubt, ensue.

 

“Two…”

 

I made my way over to the living room from the kitchen. Why on God’s green earth do they have to start acting up in my house?

 

“THREE, B***H. C’MERE.”

 

“Hold it,” I said as I entered the room, armed with my “take it up with the cook” apron and my spatula. My eggs had better not burn. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Some days, I enjoy being the one everyone admires, simply for this reason.

 

Zero looked up from her book. She was sprawled out on the couch, her head in her brother’s lap. Eclipse stopped playing with Zero’s hair and watching TV to stare at me, slightly startled. The two offending noise makers in the middle of the room looked up from awkward positions. Miku-Zaro was in his boxers, grabbing a hold of one leg of his tan cargo pants, while Nyphe held the other leg in one hand and the hose of a mini flamethrower in the other.

 

I cleared my throat. I heard the eggs sizzle in the frying pan in the kitchen. I suppose I’d better hurry up and get this over with.

 

“Nyphe,” I started, using my ‘angry and condescending parent’ voice, “why do you have Miku’s pants?” And almost in an instant, Nyphe dropped both the pants leg and the hose of the mini flamethrower he was holding and raised his hands up in defense.

 

“I didn’t take his stupid pants!” he declared, horrified. Zero giggled from the couch. Miku puffed up angrily.

 

“Yes you did, you damn brat!” he shouted, snatching his pants up and quickly shoving them on. At this point, I saw Eclipse tap Zero on the shoulder, signaling her to move. He got up and retreated upstairs with a sigh. I suppose he doesn’t like arguing any more than I do. Once Miku had his pants on, I looked at Nyphe, then at the flamethrower, then at Nyphe again.

 

“Nyphe,” I asked, thoroughly confused, “where did you get a flamethrower?” Nyphe scurried to pick up the hose and hugged it as if I had just offended it.

 

“Zero gave it to me!” he chirped, and promptly ran out of the house into the backyard. Zero? I wasn’t sure Zero was even aware what a flamethrower was, let alone own one. I looked to her, and she immediately sat up and resumed reading her book. “Zero,” I called lowly, in the same ‘angry and condescending parent’ voice I had earlier. She ignored me. If there’s one thing I will not tolerate, it’s being ignored in my own house. I don’t force religion. I don’t force nice language. I don’t even force proper clothing. But I do force respect. And I do not repeat myself. I walked over to the couch and took the book out of Zero’s hands, careful to keep her place. She looked up at me, startled.

 

“I didn’t do it!” she cried. The universal response for everything. Cute.

 

“Zero,” I say, softening my tone of voice, “where did you get a flamethrower?” She pointed to Miku-Zaro on automatic. I was getting slightly fed up with this game. Miku’s eyes got wide for a moment, as if he wanted to defend himself, but I raised my hand to him, signaling to him that it was okay. Miku was the son of the Dragon King. He had a domesticated fire dragon as a companion. I wasn’t concerned about where he got said flamethrower. He could take care of himself. I turned back to Zero.

 

“Just two more questions,” I told her. She nodded. “One. Why did you give it to Nyphe?”

 

“He said he likes fire now,” she explained, her face still housing her startled expression. Miku gave a low man giggle.

 

“…Alright,” I said, not wanting to touch on Nyphe’s newest obsession. I’m sure he’ll be wanting a new nickname now. Maybe Flayme or something. I’d better get back on track, though. I think I can smell the eggs catching on fire. “Two…why is it mini?” This question provoked a long stream of high pitched, loud, and hysterical laughter from Zero, and more man giggles from Miku.

 

Apparently, I missed a joke.

 

I let their laughter die down before motioning for them to follow me into the kitchen where my poor eggs had been left to die a horrible death on the skillet. So much for a large breakfast. I suppose I’ll just settle for toast and jam. Miku and Zero sat at the table and patiently awaited my arrival with 6 slices of toast, a jar of strawberry preserves, and the butter dish. We each grabbed what we wanted and began to eat.

 

After everyone had eaten their fill in silence, I started the previous conversation back up. “So,” I said, clearing my throat, “Miku, where did you get a mini flamethrower?” Miku began to laugh again, but got choked on a piece of crust he hadn’t quite gotten down yet, and stopped. He swallowed the crust and looked at me, eyes wide with unheard laughter, and pointed at Zero. I groaned. I’m about sick of this back and forth charade we’ve got going on here. Zero quickly stood up.

 

“No, no, I can explain!” she proclaimed. Good. I waited for her to sit down so she could continue. “Okay,” she started, “this past year, in school, they were teaching us how to change mass. Well, not really change. I mean, sort of. Anywhat, so, we were learning that this past year, right? And we learned that we can’t. Basically, we can just make things look like their mass was changed, by taking some off of one part & adding it to another. Well, that’s basically what I did with the flamethrower. I took a lot of the actual body of it off and just made a super long hose that wrapped around it a lot! That’s all.” After her explanation, she promptly stared at her half eaten toast.

 

After a moment or two, Miku chuckled a little bit. “Oh my god, Zeke,” he said, as if what he was about to tell me was of the utmost importance and I needed to hear it in order to be able to laugh again, “you should have seen him struggling with that hose. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. First, he had it wrapped around him, then he thought about dragging it, & finally, he decided to wrap it around the flamethrower itself.” I laughed a little, decidedly letting go of my confused anger from earlier. We got up and I patted them both on the back.

 

“Well, good morning, you two,” I said at last.

 

“Good morning, Grumpy!” Zero said, cheerfully, carrying the dishes and food to their respective places. Miku-Zaro rolled his eyes and walked back into the living room. I followed him, realizing I had just one more question to ask.

 

“Miku?” I called, waiting for him to answer me. He turned around. He may be one of the children, but Miku is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I knew him when I was only two years old. I’m forty eight, now. And, bless his heart, Miku still looks like he did the day I met him.

 

At this point, I feel I must explain something. Being the son of the Dragon King, you get certain privileges. Such as not aging as fast as the rest of us humans. You see, Miku-Zaro is one thousand, five hundred and eighty seven years old. In dragon years. In human years, he’s twenty three. It’s a bit of a shock, at first, but you get used to it. Really.

 

“Yes?” he answered lazily.

 

“Why was Nyphe trying to set your pants ablaze?”

 

“Apparently I lied.”

 

“You lied?”

 

“I suppose so.”

 

“Why would he catch your pants on fire for lying?”

 

“He was chanting ‘liar liar pants on fire’ when I caught up to him.”

 

Ah. Well, that clears that up. I’m not even sure I wanted to know what he was lying about. I suppose I should go check on Nyphe now, to set some rules about firearms. They’re rather dangerous, his obsessions. His name isn’t ‘Nyphe’ for nothing, you know. His real name is Foster. But when he turned 5, he had an amazing fascination with knives. Miraculously enough, whenever I caught him with one, he was holding it with the best of care and never once got nicked. He also demanded that we call him Nyphe. Zero decided on the spelling.

 

I walked out the back door and immediately noticed smoke coming from behind the shed. Well, the worst that can happen is he caught one of the town chickens on fire. It’s not a very large town, more of a village, really, so we just let our animals roam around. We all know whose they are, so it’s not a problem at all. I run behind the shed, hoping that I wouldn’t have to make a call to Ophelia again.

 

Once I got behind the shed, I saw Nyphe, crouched down next to a concrete brick, with a burning pile of twigs and leaves. He looked up at me and, horrified, asked me “What are you doing here?! You’ll ruin it!”

 

“Ruin what?” I ask, paying no attention to his frantic motions for me to leave.

 

“The atmosphere,” he said desperately, “now go! I’m on my own in the wilderness!”

 

“With a flamethrower?”

 

“I happened to get lost with it on.”

 

“…but a flamethrower?”

 

“Zeeekkkeee! Scoot!” he demanded finally, shoving me around the corner. I obliged him by walking back inside. I know when I’m beat. No point in trying to pry any further. Besides, he’s ten. I’ll let him pretend for a few more years.

 

Now, only one more person to check on.

 

I walked into the living room to see Zero and Miku cuddled on the couch. Zero looked like she was about to fall asleep on Miku’s chest. It’s not like I can blame her. It’s a lazy day, and her school is out for their Harvest break, which is August first through October thirty first, so I’m sure she’s bored out of her mind. And Miku has always been close to her, so I wasn’t doubting that he told her she could lay on him if she needed to. He looked up at me through half lidded eyes and nodded, then returned his focus to the TV. It seems that everyone’s tired this morning. Including me.

 

Though, I guarantee you, if I’d have gotten my eggs, I would have been, one, in a better mood, and two, more awake.

 

I made my way upstairs and knocked on Eclipse’s bedroom door. I waited for an answer. When I heard none, I knocked again, this time asking, “Eclipse, are you in there?” Still no answer. So I took the liberty of opening the door slowly and quietly. Not to my surprise, I found Eclipse, back in bed, fast asleep, his heavy curtains drawn to keep the light out. I smiled a little. I get the picture. I closed the door behind me on my way out and walked back downstairs. I headed to the kitchen where I sat myself down at the table. I picked up the newspaper and began to read.

 

Peace and quiet at last.

Reviews

[Anna]

wow I like it! it made me laugh and it's already gotten me wanting to read the second!