Stalker

i guess everyone has these moments of honest admiration

And I stare as she dances madly,
right in the middle of my breath....
flowing through the air constantly,
in and out but everpresent,,,,

And i sit quietly though expressed,
silently admiring her out loud,,,,
waiting, wishing to see her undressed,
like a stalker in the crowd,,,,

just like a moon she shines,,,,
the beauty i can freely behold,,,,
fully mine but not only mine,,,,
the beauty noone could ever hold,

Better not approach her feet, 
let the dancer disappear, and the music flow,,,,
her beauty is too sensetive,
Just let the moon shine, and the beauty glow,

I dare not touch her body....
Until I seduce her soul....
but only truth that's in my body, 
is me getting old, me getting old....

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

awwwww. I read the title and was expecting something else.. but this is so touching... you can feel the admiration, the tender affection the speaker has for this girl... the ending is awesome..

"I dare not touch her body/ until I seduce her soul".... oh my goodness, I LOVE these lines... melts my heart..

few little things... if I may...
her beauty is too sensetive,------ think you meant "sensitive"
also, are the extra comas in the lines supposed to mean something and why didn't you continue them throughout?
and the rhyme scheme didn't remain consistent throughout either... just wondering if this was done on purpose?

otherwise this is a really good write and I thoroughly enjoyed... I love the sentiment.. very sweet...

[Sunya]

of-course you may :) its an honor :D yea a spelling mistake there :/ didnt check well
the extra comas just mean breathing..kinda pause thingy
i dont really try matching the rhyme scheme when i write..
and m sorry i suck in spellings :/

[Sunya]

thankyou for the insight on the poem :)

[AprilRN1210]

yea we all make mistakes with spelling and grammar sometimes... I love it when others help point it out... oh ok... breathing pauses... gotcha... the rhyme did seem pretty consistent but for like two places that is why I was asking... no sorry... is a great piece... I do too, that is why spellcheck is like one of my best friends:)

[Frieda P]

Mysterious and endearing, you had me at hello, those first two lines just steal your breath away, then finished me off with 'until I seduce her soul'...sigh worthy indeed.

[Sunya]

Thankyou Frieda :)

[Frieda P]

Pleasure was mine. :)

[wordiggerone]

Wow Sunya, you keep ensnaring my interest with your unexpected endings. They twist out of the continuity of preceding lines and acts like a flash bulb. Lovely.

[Sunya]

Haha thankyou :) thats what the endings are for :D leaving a touch of shiver :p

[wordiggerone]

:)