Annoying

Here I sit annoyed again

this feeling has been more common lately
since the recent life changes have happened here

And the winter season isn't making my life any easier

I feel like a prisoner of my words when expressing myself to be heard here or acknowledged by anyone who will listen to what I have to say intently

But yet once I do this more annoyed I remain

Don't get me wrong I do not feel like I esteem myself higher than others

But I do have some really great ideas that are often ignored about me because I'm a girl

The stereotyping in this household is sickening I feel like both of them are out to get me seriously I always feel tag teamed verbally

There are 2 men that reside with me 1 is my husband the other is our roomy

And since I'm the only woman
their opinions matter more to them and not me because they are men and they cant be told anything outside of their comfort zone and knowledge of guy speaking lol


Oh how they both together annoy me

I love them both greatly one is my lover and means everything to me and the other like my brother whom I totally always constantly am seeking approval from and fighting to keep happy

Why am I such a manpleaser

Why what is the reason I do this

I'm wondering ..
Is there something wrong with me ?

I ask myself this question over 100 times a week

I've done enough soul searching to save an army

And yet I'm still annoyed

Easily irritated that's me


And I keep getting a sinking feeling that I can't escape

its a feeling of dread and fear accompanied by agony and grief as well as constant worry

What is the reason all these mixed feelings keep annoying me

I've left and lived on my own because In my marriage I kept feeling he was the problem and cause of everything not right and pleasing to me

Then once out of the home with friends
away from him tore me up and I couldn't sleep
Or even be a little happy


So I returned and said I was sorry for leaving

And not long after we were happy again



But our happiness is always temporarily
He used to be such a romantic now all he does is keep complaining about all his little aches and pains and how old he is getting

And to me even that is annoying

And I don't know who annoys me more him or our room mate

Everything this guy does causes me to want to go off on him

Every other month of tolerating so much from him I try to throw him out on the street

I don't know why but something in me keeps trying to find every flaw in him not to like him either

He smokes like a chimney and it stinks horribly


And I caught him smoking weed

And he knows it's not allowed here



He leaves ashes and ciggarette butts everywhere even in sink drains and the shower

Not to mention he's always cursing like a sailor and he just keeps erking my every nerve and tolerance of his being

I'm beginning to think maybe the problem is me

So yep today I'm annoyed at being annoying

I annoy even me

Reviews

[miahstr]

I find myself often annoyed about a whole slew of things. I can hear your frustration in this. I hope you are able to find some peace!!!!