Where do I fit in

Inspired by my niece asking me a very deep question about my place within the church

Where do I fit in with the church she asks with a grin


I take a long deep breath in and then exhale


I think to myself wow I was just wondering the same thing myself a while ago

Funny that she had mentioned it after the thought and that feeling left my

heart trying to make sense of that question myself over and over

so much lately that it became almost a torment to me

I couldn't even focus on it any further because it's taken my sleep and consumed me

Then out of the blue out of no where again it comes forth unto me

Only this time not from my heart and mind that's been troubled lately


But from hers also

And she's only 11 wow to think

31 years I have asked myself this question on why God has called me to ministry and what for

And years later after returning obediently after asking myself this I'm approached by another

I still have yet to receive my answer


I know he has blessed me with a talent for song writing and a voice for singing to reach


Though it isn't very often any body in the ministry calls upon me to sing

And I almost always have a testimony to speak with them too


Now I'm up all night wondering again


Why do I have this instilled in me not only as a writer who sings



But as The Christian that is in my hearts desire to be


But yet I'm hindered and something that I know is supposed to matter and make a difference isn't happening


And so I've come to the conclusion why torment myself over this matter when clearly God's will for me is certain


I've come to the point of realization that I no longer care if I have a place at all

All that matters to me now is that I stay faithful and true to God


I trust him now more than ever and he's never steered me in the wrong direction before


So why should I worry


He's got it all worked out even if things are not too clear right now


All that matters is that I'm there

For whatever he wills to use me for if he wills to use me at all


I have been drawn by his spirit and I obeyed it calling me to ministry


I'll let him do what he does best with the rest


Lead me Lord

I will follow you wholehearted & valiantly

I'm yours Lord direct me


Even if at times my life feels hollow you are my drink that sustains life in me

Like a tree planted by the waters my roots are strong in you

And that's all this spiritual plant that you've created in me needs to keep thriving


You are my vine and I am the branch that grows in every step I take further with you

Whether I serve my purpose now or 20 yrs from now


I have decided


Regardless


I will serve Only you



The sins of this world no longer peak my interest or deserve my attention


They held my heart imprisoned Long enough with all their redicoulousness


Life is bigger than temporary fake worldly pleasures and false deceiving happiness that never lasts longer than its substance of its many obnoxious soul killing abuses


I see that now Lord and with your truth I'm now following the carnal blindness I once knew has been lifted and now I see only you

more and more I'm captivated by your word you left for me to learn from Lord teach and instruct me like a dry sponge needing water I'm thirsty



Astounded by you so much I've come too far to travel backwards now I Believe


Onward I March for you as your soldier where I fit in your infantry no longer matters to me I have no reason to ponder this quandary

Because


You are My Father Jesus Christ And I am your daughter and to me that's all I need to keep me at your altar and heeding to my calling whatever that may be



After all its your timing