Unable to touch me comfortably

A tale of ptsd from bad things happening to me for placing myself in situations I never should have and for going after enduring in things I never should have embraced

I can remember what caused you to be unable to be able to touch me comfortably it's not your fault you see this goes back way before you came into my life and rescued me from the life I was living that wasn't good for me or Godly It was a time of my teenage years when I embraced more freely and was more trusting it was a time I endulged in smoking and drinking that poison you know doing the things that were not good for me to rebel and get back at the ones who hurt me but yet at that time became a crutch that I clinged to to numb the grief from childhood that I hated angrily 

You see I had spent most of my life curiously in my younger years growing up without proper guidance structure discipline and security I stumbled upon paths no young girl should have ever traveled I did things then I'm not proud of I was looking for love in the wrong places and searching for a home I could dwell in safely I ran and I ran and I traveled and I traveled I dated and I dated and each one worse than the 1st they always wanted something more from me

 and I wasn't ready to give it to them I just liked being a tease to them and getting their attentiveness I loved it when eyes of them were drawn upon me and affectionate I loved being touched greatly i should have known that wouldnt come without consequence of promescuity

I spent most of my time out of my home placed in a children's home at only 10 yrs old because I was said to be a hazard to society little did they know what that would do to me and what I would choose to do there and what I would go through so many times angrily and becoming suicidal

 because I didn't have love to cling to that wanted to love me as much as I had a heart to love and needed too deeply I couldn't it was buried inside of me I will not go into detail further because of kiddies so I will make this poem short and bittersweet my love it is not your wrong in the reason you are unable to hold me caress and comfort me freely

 it is something I endured many times with males I trusted before you came to me sent by only what I can describe is God knew what I would need for deep healing

 the truth is I was overtaken honey and my innocence that I once held dear was no longer with me when you came near to me 

Not my innocence as in my purity 

that I had still until YOU took it from me 

 it was another part of me taken away it was my comfortability with  touching 

 because that one brief trip after being released back with my family The trip to Virginia and at home is where I was ruined for you baby emotionally

 the things that happen to me there  broke me

 And for that honey there is no true recovery

 so I'm sorry to discourage you when you want to come near and grope me

 just remember I'm fragile honey certain men in my life broke me

 and I'm but pieces put back together again by your love for me

 that's unending reminders of the reasons why you are unable to touch me comfortably

Reviews

[Farmgirl]

Amen... Exactly!!

You totally get my writing :')

& you are very welcome...

Thanks for visiting me again...

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard to forget bad actions done.
"just remember I'm fragile honey certain men in my life broke me
and I'm but pieces put back together again by your love for me
that's unending reminders of the reasons why you are unable to touch me comfortably "
The above lines. Honest, direct and needed to be understood. Love can fix old wounds. Need time and patience to open locked doors of fear. Thank you for sharing the powerful story.
Coyote